Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. My name is Hamed Khatiz and I have recently lost a friend. It was a very brutal and very devastating and emotionally wrecking. I sent her a monologue email asking her why she seems to hate my guts and then a thread went on. She ended it by telling me that "you do not know me, so get over it" and "if you do not like what I say then leave me alone".
What's more, she misunderstood a hypothetical situation in the monologue and she then told my other friend Benjamin, that I called him a liar. Now he is heavily offended. A good friend gone and another in jeopardy. What's more, I am feeling ignored and unappreciated at school and it seems unbelievably and terribly and devastatingly and amazing and monumentally suckish. ****. I am feeling amazingly nervous and churny when I get near either one of them and I have had countless dizzy spells, where the floor seems to fly away from me, like everyone else....
I am also amazingly angry and frustrated at everyone I see in my day. Pressure Cooker!!!!!!!! I am worried that one day I could snap and do or day something terrible to someoe I love. I love the people around me, I have never felt this way before.
I am on the verge of tears all the time and not even music helps, my favorite and most effective remedy, or at least when I pull out the headphones, I am back in the world I hate and that hates me.
I can't help but blame myself for the incident and I feel I have made a bajillion mistakes.
Am I depressed or something else? Don't respond by asking another question, it's monumentally annoying when people so that, just hit me with your best answer.
P.S. It is worth noting I am 16 years of age....
Your know your own body, and what you will do. DO NOT let your mind wonder away with ideas of things that are not realistic. We might think that we might hurt others, and in fact this is a common thought all humans have regardless of their personality. You just have to remember that YOU are in control. Don't get in the mentality that the world hates you, because it doesn't. You can feel that way, but it will only feed your hate of everything else and eventually add to the pity and you'll never climb your way out. We get stuck in ruts that we become comfortable in and it gets harder and harder to climb out of that rut. Don't hold high expectations of yourself and take it one day at a time.