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Depression Community
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I feel helpless.

Hello, my name is Abbie. I am 17 years old. I live in the Philippines, a place where there is no such an illness called depression. People would say depression is just a phase... Depressed people are crazy... Depressed people are just attention-seekers... And everytime I would tell to anyone, that it is a chemical imbalance, they would not believe me. And everytime I show them my scars, they would just think I'm crazy as hell. When the truth is, there is no one who understands me. And I'm feeling alone... My parents would not believe me, and would not bother to take me to a Psychologist, they think it's just a waste of time and money... But when the truth is, I'm getting worst. I've been anti-social, and the only one who makes me smile is my boyfriend(who don't even care about my depression, and thinks that i'm out of my mind, cutting my wrists). And I don't feel happy with my life anymore. My view in life is so deep, that I know everything has it consequences... You can't be happy when you're right, and you can't be right when you're happy... And now, all I think about is, how about I would end my life? ... But I don't want to be pathetic... And more people wouldn't like that way, they would think more that I'm just a crazy girl... There is so many things about me... I won't tell everything... Yet, what should I do? I can't hold back anymore.. Help me.
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Avatar universal
Additions:
I was sexually abused when I was younger, by two different persons, but different phases. My parents don't know anything about it. I was a bright, always in the top child. Suddenly, at the age of 13-15, I became alcoholic, I smoke cigarette and Marijuana. I stopped in a snap at the age of 16, when I realize, that that is not the life I wanted. That I'm not that person anymore. Then, I became more depressed because people would think I'm a weird, rebel, crazy girl. They would spread not nice things about me. I became anti-social, because I think every person would just hurt me. And oh, I forgot to add that I had a boyfriend of three years, when I was 13 (up to 15). We broke up, because I was too dumb, that our whole relationship, he was just using me. Then, yes back to 16. I became anti-social, but I tried to restart my life. So, I met my boyfriend, and thought he would be the one who would understand me... Yes, I'm happy I met him. And now the problem is me, I became more depress these days, and would always open a fight with him, and everything we fight, I would cut my wrists. He thought I'm just being crazy... He is only what I got now. I don't have friends now, because I don't want to. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm already full, dealing with my boyfriend... Yet, there is something wrong... I always feel depress.. I cry, I feel weak, suicidal thoughts, and poetry.
Avatar universal
First, there's no evidence depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, or if it is what chemicals cause it.  So don't worry about that.  Just worry about what you're feeling.  You're right, you do need a therapist.  What I'd do is find some scholarly material written by Filipino doctors or psychologists describing the condition and tell your parents to read them -- and I've go to believe educated people in every country know about depression and that it's an illness, so find someone in your family with a good advanced education to advocate for you.
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You need to go to an emergency room at the hospital and tell them you are thinking about killing yourself and they should get help for you right away. This is very serious. If it helps at all, you are not alone and you are not crazy. Coming on medhelp was a good smart decision for you. There are so MANY of us who have the same problem you do- for real, but they may get more support from their family and friends. It is sad that your culture does not allow for very REAL depression. I can't really give any advice about that- I don't know how you can be validated. But you MUST tell someone who can help you that you are thinking about killing yourself and that you're a cutter. Show them your wrists- they should see that you need help. I hope you get the help you need, you are not crazy- you are just one of MILLIONS of us who suffer from depression and self-harming. You must find someone to help you.
Avatar universal
You're not alone.
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