I know I should be happy

[kay13241]

For the last year, and especially in the last month, I've been finding it very hard to become excited or happy about anything. Everything is either boring, or stressful, and I feel like I can't do 50% of what other people my age do. I feel like while other people can handle school, a part-time job, extracurriculars, friends, and family, I can barely handle the minimum.

I just feel so empty, and it's so hard to explain. It's like someone has cut a hole in my chest, and I'm struggling to hold myself together. I've alienated myself from my friends and my family without meaning to. The only thing that I try to do well in anymore is school, and even that is making me neurotic. Although I do well,  I have such bad anxiety over assessments and I get physically sick before every test or quiz. Nothing is ever good enough, and as much as I try to be blissfully happy, I feel weighed down. I think about my future, and when I used to think about all the fun things I would do, all the places I would see, now I can only think about school, university, and work. It seems endless and draining. I've been trying to stop being such a perfectionist and have fun with friends and family, but I can't stop. I'm constantly on edge and I'm never happy or content. I've been like this for a year, and I'm becoming more and more hopeless. I've told my mother about it, and it just made her upset. She reccommended that I start taking St. John's Wort, but it hasn't helped at all so far.

And the worst thing is, I feel bad about not being happy. I'm in my late teens, and I should be excited for the world and life. Nothing overly negative has ever happened to me, other than a few self-esteem issues. I know I should be happy, but as hard as I try, it won't work.

What should I do?
Thank you for listening!

[CRSeaside]

Dear Kay. Your Mom knows you much better than we can know you. That said. Have you changed you diet? Sleeping patterns?
  Is this because it's winter?
   You are young. You're growing. Might be hormones changing.
  Why did you cut your friends?
Are you up for meeting new people? Look into reading different types of books.
  Stop watching TV.
Do some Volunteer work. Let us know what works. Pamela

[SMcGregor]

Life is full of lessons. Most of the lessons we learn in life come from experiencing a negative emotion. This negative emotions can be a real curse. We can often let it hang around in our mind creating further negativity. Negative thoughts attract negative thoughts ... and this can lead to fear and anxiety, lack of self confidence and self esteem, depression, illness, disease, and more.

Express your feelings and talk about events. This can be done with friends or with a counsellor. Look at the consequences of internalising or pushing down negative feelings.

[remar]

Is this your first year or second year of being college? Yes, it's exciting but it can be very stressful at the same time.
You must have counselors at your school so I recommend you talk to one of them about how you're feeling.
St. Johns Wort can sometimes help with mild depression but I've heard many people say it does nothing for major depression.