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1518141 tn?1290822755

I need to type this out to help my depression

Since March of this year, I have endured one extremely stressful situatuion after another.
March - My oldest son 24 - lost a job he had for 4 years due to drug abuse.  
April - I visited a Dr and had a cancer scare on my liver and lungs (turned out to be benign nodules)
May - My oldest son 24 - got a job (I was up and excited).  One week later, he lost the job
June - My oldest son 24 - got another job.  Two days later, lost the job
June - My good girlfriend entered the hospital for the last time and died of breast cancer (5 year battle)
June - My oldest son 24 - got another job.  1 day later, lot the job.
July - I bought my youngest son  21 a car for 2000 dollars so that he could find a job.  Every week until the first week in August he got some kind of driving ticket....got arrested for a DUI...I pay 150 to get the car towed home and him out of jail
July - Was one year for my new boyfriend and I living together (4 year relationship)
Aug - My youngest son 21 got in a bad car accident...he was rearended...I pay 150 and get the car towed home.
Sept. - My job changed to a job I despise
Sept. 20th - My oldest son had gotten kicked out of his house on Sept 18, was arrested on Sept 20th - took 30 Xanax and approached and scared some kids.
Sept. - My oldest loses unemployment because there was a misunderstanding with his paperwork
Sept - I pay all the bills for my oldest son girlfriend and baby so they can keep the place
Oct - My oldest son got into a car accident with the family car.
Nov - My personal laptop gets stolen from my house $1000.
Nov - My oldest sons girl left him taking the 2 year old baby.
Nov 26th - My oldest is having a nervous breakdown because he wants to see his child
Nov 30th - My oldest son gets a restraining order filed against him and the girl won't let him see the bsby - The baby is the ONLY thing he handles right...and now he is suicidal.
Dec 1 - I pay 500 toward my oldests sons apartment so he won't be homeless
Dec 1 - The clinic I take my oldest son to suggest he be placed on suicide watch and I take the day out of work, get some clothes, bring him to the courthouse, file for visitation, get him back on unemployment, switch all the bills over to his name, buy him some food, sleep over for 3 days...get him stable and come home.
Yesterday - my youngest goes into a rage...I ask my X to come over and help me calm him down.
Today - I pick up my oldest son to take him to the clinic and he tells me that his unemployment is shut off and he does'nt know WHY!!!!!
I'm losing it....I am so depressed....I can't take it anymore.  
Tomorrow - My oldest son will find out what this MISUNDERSTANDING is NOW with unemployment.
I need him to keep collecting (he is trying not to do drugs and on Dec 17th we will go to court and see what his visitation will be with his son).. We really shouldn't have to be thinking about money when his unemployment filing was successful...and I have no idea what the problem is NOW.
I forgot to mention, I also paid his gas and electric that his girl left in arrears when she left with the baby.
I really feel like I can't go on......I WILL GO ON....But, I really feel like I CANT
29 Responses
Avatar universal
I'm sorry about the loss of your friend.  Did writing this out help your depression?  Sometimes writing stuff just helps us process it or gives us a new perspective.

Best wishes.  I hope that 2011 is good for you all too.
Avatar universal
Not too long ago, I forget what was goin on in my life but I remember someone telling me that stuff about...we are only given what we can handle in life. Im not a physical person usually but I think I invisioned slapping them a few times. Try and take it day by day. My life goal is to one day LIVE and not just survive the day. You sound like a pretty darn tuff woman. Hang in there. Take care of YOU along the way. Your son is so lucky to have you in his life. Be strong, you can do it. Good luck and may tomorow be a better day. Daisy
Avatar universal
It sounds like you've had more than your share of trouble this year.  I know you want to be there for your children, but at some point you also have to let them take responsibility for their actions.  I know it's not my place to give advice on something so personal.  I only know from experience that the best way to be there is to show your love and support.  It is a lot for you to take on all of the stress and problems that your grown children are dealing with also.  I am a mother so I know that it's hard to not want to handle it all yourself.  I hope I haven't offended you. I hope that everything gets better very soon for you and your family.  
1518141 tn?1290822755
Hi - I am not at all offended.  After I typed all that, I noticed that the common demominator was MY SON...and my oldest to be more specific.  I definetly need to let go of some of the burden and realize that everything usually works out...His unemployment issue was a small mistake on the agencys part.  I was having a STROKE all day because I felt like it was going to put more of a financial and personal burden on me because I won't let him be homeless.  but, again, that is MY problem...I need to practice letting go....or START letting go.  Thanks for reading the long blog and taking the time to respond.
All advice is welcome with me since I obviously have made some bad choices along the way.
Take care, Merry Christmas
1518141 tn?1290822755
I started laughing when you said you "wanted to slap them sometimes", the people telling you that we don't get more than we can handle...I'm like ENOUGH already...LOL.
The unemployment worked out..but I did not find out until late this afternoon....Ended up he couldn't call till 3pm and I was assuming he could call at 8am.  I was a wreck at work.  Thank you for wishing me luck...I NEED IT...LOL.....Life does bring problems and always will.  I'm just praying for alot LESS in 2011.  I actually think I am going to drop to my knees on Jan 1st and PRAY for peace and serenity for 2011.  Actually, I should start dropping to my knees NOW.  Thanks again,
Merry Christmas.  Oh - we find out Friday if he will see his son for Christmas...or BEFORE would be great!
Avatar universal
And what if he doesn't get visitation rights?  Have you contingencies in place for this?

It all sounds rather messed up but at the root of it your sons drug addiction problems.  Or probably the underlying issues (and the maladaptive coping strategies of both your boys).

Your eldest son sounds as though he's getting reasonable support.  He still doesn't sound all that stable though and that would be a huge concern.  As he is now getting a wage he also needs to be accountable for his own expenses.  You shouldn't be bailing him out all the time.

Your youngest needs to grow up.  I would have left him in jail.  Drunk drivers kill innocent people.  It almost sounds as though he is acting out to get attention which you are giving your eldest son.  This power struggle is also potentially very dangerous.  This son also needs professional support.

I would make sure that your sons get the support that they need and then set limits on their behavior, etc.   I think that it is intolerable that you don't let them learn from the consequences of their mistakes.  I don't think it's healthy that you enable them to continue doing what they are.

Yes, they are your kids but let them take responsibility for themselves and their actions.  If they can't then involve the appropriate agencies.
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