I think I am about to crack!!

[nicollynne]

I am a 34 year old disabled mom of 5 children. I have 3 boys, ages 15, 10, and 6. I also have twin 6 month old girls. My husband and I have been married almost 12 years. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II, with severe depression. I also have PTSD, GAD with panic and agoraphobia. I have not been dealing with this well. I can barely leave the house. I can't work. I am trying to get SSI, but in the meantime it is difficult to make ends meet on just what my husband makes. I have no energy, and because of that my house is a wreck. I can barely find the energy to put my bra on in the morning or get something to eat before 7pm. My doc has been bouncing me from one medicine to another and it is really making it difficult to function. By the time I get used to one medication, he changes it. So, then I have to withdraw and start getting used to another. I started taking Celexa over a year ago, and this doctor actually took the time to get with my cardiologist and found out that the Celexa is interacting with my heart medicine. So, that is why he is changing me to Paxil.  And I can't afford therapy and I have agoraphobia to the point that I cannot call to find a therapist I can afford. I could go to one once an appt is set up (might have to sit in the car for a while to get up the nerve to go in....) but I just can't call them! I am so screwed up!

[4Maddie44]

Boy, i think I would crack too if I was in your position .

What a wonderful job you are doing.  To be disabled, mentally unwell, and bringing up five children.  you deserve a medal.  Just bringing up 6month old twins would be enough for most people!!  You are an angel mom.  I hope your family appreciate you.

Gosh, don't worry about the housework.  Not important.  

I do hope your husband is supportive.

I admire you so much.  Keep us posted about how you are getting on.

I would love to see photos of your family, if you would put them on your profile.

Big hug

[specialmom]

Well, you certainly are overwhelmed and have a lot on your plate.  Having 5 children is a LOT and 6 month old twins would stress, tire, overwhelm someone with NO mental health issues.  Your house is a wreck and I'd not expect it to be anything but that!  I'm dead serious.  I had two boys that were 15 months apart in age and it didn't clean the right way until they left for school!!  

Do you have any help or support at all?  Do you have a mother, sister, mother in law, sister in law?  Asking someone to help you a bit sounds reasonable and possible critical.  They could either help you with some household chores or watch the kids.  I also think that you should ask your husband to make some calls and get that appt. set up for you. It will benefit him in the long run when you begin therapy and it begins to help with the mental health issues.  Perhaps you can overcome them enough to leave your home and to seek some kind of employment even if it is just part time.  
If you have atypical bipolar, have they tried any agents geared to that?  Lamectil?  Celexa and paxil are very similar in terms of their clinical effect for most people.  I'm sure you are followed by a psychiatrist, right?  

Well, good luck dear.  You are going through a very hard time with twin babies.  I wish you peace and healing.  

[RainLover71]

My god,you poor lady.It seems like you are suffering to the max and not getting the assistance you need.What is your husband doing to help you.Is he trying to make your life easier,I'm no doctor but you really need to find the right meds for you because they can make all the difference.Perhaps when Nursegirl reads your post she can provide you with better advice.I wish you all the best.