I want to feel normal again.

[1twinmom]

Ok it's not really a question but more me looking for support other than those I always seem to go to.  I don't want my conversations with them to always be about me. I go through these feelings a lot but now is PMDD time. Worse than PMS. Suicidal thoughts and alcohol abuse and the fact that the alcohol abuse has led to me being 40 lbs heavier than I used to be............I'm stuck inside the house all the time with my four kids who are 3 and 5. By this time of the day I'm always really down. My husband is really no help because he works such long hours. I get to the point I want to be anywhere but here.......

[foreverlostmom]

Just a thought but have you had your thyroid checked?  Depression, weight gain can both be caused by it and there are many many women who encounter a thyroid problem after having children as did I.
I have 2 kids and after my second my thyroid slowly got worse and my mood and my weight have followed.  I am right there with you with just wanting to feel normal again but it is a long road.  I hate this problem because I feel it has robbed me of my kids growing up because most days I just don't feel I have it in me to be a mom.  And I am also a stay at home mom and I babysit other kids and sometimes or alot of times I feel like I could give this life up in a heartbeat and that just kills me because this is what I wanted out of life more then anything.
I would really suggest you get your thyroid checked and visit the thyroid forum here for info on what testing to make sure you get or I am more then happy to help where I can I think we have alot in common.
My husband is gone alot also so I completly understand that and even when he is here he may as well be gone don't know how this is for you but it is def depressing and makes life hard to deal with.

Anyways keep in touch
(hugs)

[mammo]

You sound depressed, and need to speak to a professional about this.  The sooner you do this, the quicker you can get your life back.  There are many of us going thru this, so you are not alone.  You also have four babies that need you, and you should be able to enjoy them.  Get professional help for you and them.  I know it's hard but once you take the first step, it will get easier.  You should also find someone who could sit with the kids so that you can get out of the house a little bit.  Maybe see if there is a "Mom of Twins Club" nearby, or just a group of moms that meet to talk.  But see someone right away to address your feelings and alcohol abuse.  We're always here to listen or offer support. Take care....