I wasn't meant to be born

Question

People like me don't even belong on mental health sites.  People like me are too bored with life.  People like are like ghosts that i don't know how to be in the living.

I am fighting urges to go into a rage.  

I am not trying to put on a show for anyone but I am sick and tired of misunderstood.  I don't crave attention for the sake of it.

I am just trying to find a way to feel comfortable with myself.  I just hadn't figured out how and the scary thing is that i don't think i will feel comfortable.

Yeah, maybe I don't appreciate my life enough.  I just want it to end.  I don't want to be nusiance to anyone.

I wish that there someway that I could feel as if I truly belonged in this world. 

I don't want to disturb anyone with my misery.  I want to not exist.  I wasn't meant for anything good.

People said i was no good and yes I believe them because I got nothing going for me.

All i have are desires that are unfulfilled.  

Why do i keep having these pain, loneliness.  I just want to end.  I am sorry but I can't stand myself.

Everything i write, I am going to want to erase it.  I just want to cease to exist.  

There's nothing good in this world for me.  I am sorry I signed up.  Maybe I might think i should have thought about before i did it.

JohnnyJim · Answer

I think about it every day, I pray about it every day yest here my stupid *** is still kicking.  WTF?  Who did I **** off?

Shani_Finbar · Answer

I feel the same way. Ive lived for 37 years without wanting to be here. Im giving DBT therapy a try, and seeing a psychologist. If this doesnt help within a few months, then Im done for good.

mammo · Answer

Maddie is right, start journaling all that you feel.  Putting your feelings and thoughts in writing is therapy in itself.

4Maddie44 · Answer

My sweet girl, That it the depression talking, please be aware of that.  Believe me I have felt like that.  Do you have friends or family that you can talk to about how you feel?  Have you had professional advice?  Please, please don't do anything to harm yourself.  You are a unique person who deserves to live.  You must stay on this site and let it all out, I know it helps.  Write it all down for yourself somewhere.  Let all that anger and frustration out.  You may find that when you look back on that in a few months time, you will wonder how you could feel like that.  Life is difficult, it is not easy for any of us.

Why are you sorry you signed up?  Aren't you looking for some support?  I don't believe you would have written here if you weren't looking for some reassurance.

Please let us know how you are.  I worry about you.  I care about you.

mammo · Answer

You and your life are worthy, and you need to recognize this.  You need to get professional help, as it is the only way.  Suicide is not the answer, and not the end, but maybe the beginning of something much worse. You say you have desires, it's never too late to start focusing on these.  So what if at the moment you feel you have nothing going for you, it's not to late to get started on something.  You can't move forward if you're still hanging onto the past, you need to let go of anything negative in your past, it's over, you can't change it.  But you do have control over today and the rest of your life.  Never allow others to make you doubt yourself, but most of all, you must not doubt yourself.  You were put on this earth for a reason and it's not to feel the way you do.  We all make mistakes in life, and do all thru life, but we must learn from them and move on, and not allow them to make us feel worthless.  You sound very bright, and I feel you do want to live and be happy.  You just need some guidance, all of us here have been thru this period when it all feels like too much, but it doesn't have to be this way.  Please seek help, I know you are strong and can do this.  We are always here to listen and share our experiences, so know you're not alone.  Take care.....

Jaquta · Answer

You wrote what many people think but are too afraid to post.

From what you wrote it sounds as though you have borderline personality disorder.
Have you seen a psychiatrist and/ or a therapist and do you have a diagnosis?
Proper diagnosis and treatment can make all the difference.
If you're interested you could look up the dsm-iv for diagnostic criteria of bpd.

It also sounds as though you may be depressed.

You posted because that little healthy part of you wants help and wants things to be better.  You did the right thing by posting.
I think you should strongly consider talking to a health professional about how you feel.  Feel free to ask questions and post comments here.

iam1butterfly · Answer

I have not felt your pain... but, I know (and love) someone whose pain sounds just like yours. So, I know what I'm talking about when I say... people like you are better people than you give yourselves credit for. There is a place for everyone... you do belong.

StormyHaight · Answer

there is a pain in this world far worse than most people can imagine. Looks like you feel thatpain. The feeling of worthlessness, like you have never been, and never will be any good to anybody. Trust me, I have it too. It's like hell. I don't know much about hell but i'm sure it's something like this. The only thing I know is i'm not going to kill myself, as much as i want to, I know i'm not. I'm too much of a *****. but god it sounds good doesn't it?

- A girl gone numb