Aa
I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt
About my cat dying. It's not just because my cat died. But it's because I realized I didn't spend enough time with her as I should have. And I grew up with this cat. This isn't your ordinary cat, that all she does is eat and sleep and likes to be alone. This cat is people person cat. She doesn't think of herself as a cat, she thinks of herself as a human. And she personally loves me. I had this cat for 19 years. Toward the end of her life, I still pet her and stuff. But when I usually became a private person and I stopped having her in my room. When I grew up, I didn't have a door to my room. When I moved to another home, I still let her in my room and stuff, maybe as not as often. She would paw under the door to get in.
Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?
Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.
And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.
Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.
I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.
She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.
Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.
I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.
I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.
Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.
Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?
Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.
And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.
Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.
I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.
She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.
Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.
I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.
I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.
Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.
if u have sleep disorder or deep sadness not over few months - go to specialist.( no to one of representatives of pseudo profession "psychologist'') for neurologist maybe.
If its helpful- imag. that she is in Bast Temple
or flying with Wind or smthng..
Cats actually can to fly let me tell U(when nobody se'ing)
or flying with Wind or smthng..
Cats actually can to fly let me tell U(when nobody se'ing)
''they do not have the same ability we as humans do''-right.4 example -hate baseness greediness. but they have not only "instinct and reaction''. its senseless and stupid words.
totally
understand U.
feeling the same-[not bc little kitten(who loved everyone and trust ) died...but
bc he was suffering from useless medical procedures and meds in vetclinic
alone. it was not my choice,but i did not stop it.]
I know I m guilty.nothing can change it. You will feel n the same-you can not change nothing in past.
But its over...
understand U.
feeling the same-[not bc little kitten(who loved everyone and trust ) died...but
bc he was suffering from useless medical procedures and meds in vetclinic
alone. it was not my choice,but i did not stop it.]
I know I m guilty.nothing can change it. You will feel n the same-you can not change nothing in past.
But its over...
Why seek out a therapist? Isn't this therapy right now? They only help out people because you pay them money(I know they also do it because they enjoy their job and like helping out people, rather than just the money, also). But versus people that help out people in their spare time for free. I rather not have see a therapist.
I don't see how a therapist can help me unless a therapist can bring my cat back to life for another month. I just want to spend time with her. Just kind of make up for a failure to have an emotional response to her. The emotional response I thought needed. But I only realized after she died. Even though I did love her. Even though I did let her in my room the day before she started dying and petted her, and even though I did pet her when I was out in the kitchen, and other times.
I just want to visit her in heaven and then come back to earth, or have God bring her to earth for a while, and then teleport her back to heaven. Because I want to love her and talk to her, because I felt even though I still cared for her, gave her some attention. I didn't do enough on my standards of love (near the end or maybe past 6 months), and I failed to have that emotional response I needed before she died. So I really want to see her in happiness. And give her happiness back to her, by giving her attention. Holding her, chasing her, playing with her, watching tv with her.
There are solutions to this problem.
1. God brings my cat back to life, if I try to ask God. But I don't think God always gives us what we want. And also, bringing the cat back to life wouldn't be fair, because she would suffer again from dying. I know it's kind of selfish for me to ask. Or just not have her die, just teleport her back to heaven.
2. I brain wash myself to believe that God put her soul into my next cat that I have. Which is stupid for me to believe. I choose to believe she is in heaven. God cares about all creatures. God doesn't say at all that he puts other souls into other bodies after they die. I guess I had a theory he could do that. But more bible versus indicate;
(Psalm 145:-9-10,13,15-21) God loves all His creation and has made plans for all His children and the lesser creatures to enjoy His eternal Kingdom."
So yeah, God has made plans for my cat. And maybe God wants my cat never to suffer again and be eternally forever in heaven.
3. Now, I know God knows I have soft heart. So much so, if I did kill myself, God would know why. God would understand that I did it, because I felt guilty that I didn't give enough attention to my cat. (Not because I couldn't deal with life but I had to show some love to my cat that I forget to realize only after she died) And probably God won't bring me back to life. If God did that, then more people would be coming back to life. Plus, I would have to get my permission from my family to do this, so they would be alright with it. And I doubt they would let me, and they would be very sad, that I would be gone. So it's kind of selfish to do this. And probably I don't have the guts to go through the physical pain, in order to die.
Instead I just kind of fantasize God bringing my cat back to life, and then me being with her. Yeah, so I don't think a therapist going to help me. And I'm sure my cat understands me, and still loved me. It's just I can't stand imagining her suffer, her howling, and just dying. And not being around anymore. I guess I'm hoping for a miracle. If not, I guess I will have to wait until I die to see her. God knows, I want to be with God ultimately in time. I'm not mad at God. I kind of wish pets lived as long as humans, I'm not sure why God made them have a shorter lifespan. It's like very very horrible in my mind to have experienced this. Most horrible thing I have ever experienced. And I had an attachment to my cat. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself, but I'm aware of my emotional responses or lack of one.
I don't see how a therapist can help me unless a therapist can bring my cat back to life for another month. I just want to spend time with her. Just kind of make up for a failure to have an emotional response to her. The emotional response I thought needed. But I only realized after she died. Even though I did love her. Even though I did let her in my room the day before she started dying and petted her, and even though I did pet her when I was out in the kitchen, and other times.
I just want to visit her in heaven and then come back to earth, or have God bring her to earth for a while, and then teleport her back to heaven. Because I want to love her and talk to her, because I felt even though I still cared for her, gave her some attention. I didn't do enough on my standards of love (near the end or maybe past 6 months), and I failed to have that emotional response I needed before she died. So I really want to see her in happiness. And give her happiness back to her, by giving her attention. Holding her, chasing her, playing with her, watching tv with her.
There are solutions to this problem.
1. God brings my cat back to life, if I try to ask God. But I don't think God always gives us what we want. And also, bringing the cat back to life wouldn't be fair, because she would suffer again from dying. I know it's kind of selfish for me to ask. Or just not have her die, just teleport her back to heaven.
2. I brain wash myself to believe that God put her soul into my next cat that I have. Which is stupid for me to believe. I choose to believe she is in heaven. God cares about all creatures. God doesn't say at all that he puts other souls into other bodies after they die. I guess I had a theory he could do that. But more bible versus indicate;
(Psalm 145:-9-10,13,15-21) God loves all His creation and has made plans for all His children and the lesser creatures to enjoy His eternal Kingdom."
So yeah, God has made plans for my cat. And maybe God wants my cat never to suffer again and be eternally forever in heaven.
3. Now, I know God knows I have soft heart. So much so, if I did kill myself, God would know why. God would understand that I did it, because I felt guilty that I didn't give enough attention to my cat. (Not because I couldn't deal with life but I had to show some love to my cat that I forget to realize only after she died) And probably God won't bring me back to life. If God did that, then more people would be coming back to life. Plus, I would have to get my permission from my family to do this, so they would be alright with it. And I doubt they would let me, and they would be very sad, that I would be gone. So it's kind of selfish to do this. And probably I don't have the guts to go through the physical pain, in order to die.
Instead I just kind of fantasize God bringing my cat back to life, and then me being with her. Yeah, so I don't think a therapist going to help me. And I'm sure my cat understands me, and still loved me. It's just I can't stand imagining her suffer, her howling, and just dying. And not being around anymore. I guess I'm hoping for a miracle. If not, I guess I will have to wait until I die to see her. God knows, I want to be with God ultimately in time. I'm not mad at God. I kind of wish pets lived as long as humans, I'm not sure why God made them have a shorter lifespan. It's like very very horrible in my mind to have experienced this. Most horrible thing I have ever experienced. And I had an attachment to my cat. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself, but I'm aware of my emotional responses or lack of one.
The fact that you're still really struggling with this, and even having thoughts of "joining" her in heaven indicates that you need to seek some professional help with this.
I know you were resistant to the idea earlier in the thread, but I really recommend that you seek out a therapist to help you work through this. A therapist can offer suggestions of ways to help you accept what happened and let the guilt go. You really need help working on ways to get out of this obsessive type thinking about this. It's not healthy dear.
Hope you seek some help!
I know you were resistant to the idea earlier in the thread, but I really recommend that you seek out a therapist to help you work through this. A therapist can offer suggestions of ways to help you accept what happened and let the guilt go. You really need help working on ways to get out of this obsessive type thinking about this. It's not healthy dear.
Hope you seek some help!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Depression Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
