I'm not sure what to do anymore

[lovebeat]

Well... this is my first post on MedHelp. I don't know why, but I'm kind of nervous to talk about these issues.

For a long time now, I've been struggling with something that I can't quite identify. I'm 16 years old, almost 17, and I think it's possible that I might be sort of... depressed? I've been going through long-ish periods of time (since I was about 10 or 11, maybe even younger?) where I constantly feel apathetic and, for lack of better words... bored. I completely lose my passion for life. Suicide has crossed my mind a few times, as well as I've had urges to run away. Sometimes I'll have random fits of hysterical crying. Sometimes my feelings even manifest as minor eating disorders---when I feel down I start to count calories, exercise excessively, and I feel really fat.

I've been seeing a psychologist at a hospital for about a year now, but he hasn't really done anything for me. I feel like he doesn't take me seriously. I guess I could say that I've tried to "self medicate"---I often abuse pain killers to alter my emotions.

Right now, I'm feeling alright. But I know that I'll always fall back to feeling depressed again, and I don't know what to do. I feel like my psychologist belittles and ignores my feelings. He's CONVINCED that it's just hormones... but I know it isn't. I know that hormones can screw around with a girl's head, but this is something completely different. I don't even feel like myself anymore.

My parents are completely oblivious to the whole situation. I've been trying to hard to open up to them, but it's so uncomfortable for me... I think they're starting to understand a bit, though. I've been seeing my counselor at school a lot over the past year, and she finds my personality to be very "manic". My friends surely notice changes in my personality as well. Apparently I become withdrawn, distant, and highly irritable. Apparently it's also quite noticeable when I'm not "depressed" (I use these terms in quotations because I am NOT trying to self-diagnose myself). I become very extroverted, and my work ethic increases massively.

I don't have a lot of reasons to feel the way I do; my parents are together and they love me a lot. My family is well off. I am somewhat pleased with my physical appearance. I'm smart... the only possible cause I can see, other than hormones, is the fact that I feel disconnected from people my own age. Both my IQ and Emotional-IQ range 140-150 and I communicate much better with adults than I do with other teenagers. But, I still have a lot of friends. Sometimes, I just struggle finding common ground with people my own age.

Maybe I'm taking too much of a logical approach to things? I've been trying to examine myself and patterns in my behaviour as well as outside causes, because my psychologist does **** all for me. I've tried talking to him about how he makes me feel, but he doesn't really say much at all. I just feel... lost. I don't know where to go for help.

I'm sorry for this load of word vomit, but I had to let it out somewhere. I'm also sorry if this is the wrong place for me to let it out... Ultimately, I'm very confused. I feel so irrational. I just wish I had some stability and consistency in my moods.

Does anyone have any idea as to what might be going on with me? I'm not asking for a diagnosis... just some guidance and advice.

[therese83]

Other important points are

Are you being challenged enough at school.  People with a very high IQ, you are in the gifted range often have problems with fitting in etc.  Are you being given extension work in school.

Do you have a hobby or interest that stimulates you?  You must be very talented and I think you should use this in order to find life more filfilling.  It is normal for you not to get on with kids your own age.  I have two children who have high IQ it can be a burden if not understood.  Shouldnt your school be doing more to help you?

[Clamity2]

Do you have any alcoholics or addicts in your family? I ask that because you say you are using pain killers. I am an addict and your story sounds alot like my younger years. The problem with getting help that works you have to be honest. I'm assuming you have not mentioned your drug abuse to the psyc. I believe you should go to a N.A meeting. If you may hear people your age or older share about thier feelings and find you have something in common. If a N.A meeting isn't available you can go to a A.A meeting. I went to one today and there were at least 4 people there under the age of 18.
God Bless  I hope this helps.

[Cindee56]

I think you should see a psychiatrist.  My son, who is 21 now, has had problems with depression/anxiety his whole life.  I took him to his first therapist when he was 12.  He went to psychologists for years, and finally he said ENOUGH.  He felt he was just venting most of the time.  They never offered any real solutions.

We found a very good psychiatrist who has helped him identify what exactly he has, which is ADHD/panic disorder/depression and anxiety.  He takes a few different meds and Adderall, and he graduated from college (in 3 years) and is now going for a Masters Degree.  By the way, my son is also very intelligent and highly motivated to learn but gets moody and irritable.  The doctor is very helpful, he is willing to change the meds if they have side effects or if my son feels they are not working properly.  

It may take some time until you find out exactly what is going on, but don't give up.  If you feel that one doctor does not listen to you, or you just don't *click* with them, stop going and look for another one.  Also, talk to your parents about how you feel and that you more help.  

[hell1971]

Its sounds to me that you need to find another doctor, if your family is supportive then you have this on your side. Try and talk to them and tell them you need to see someone else. Things like this will escalate if not dealt with. Try and get a second oppinion you are intitiled too, it just would be easier if your family help you with this.

take care and I hope all goes well.