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In Bed For 2 Years

My name is Jules. I am 29 years old and I have a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and agoraphobia. I was a happy, healthy, loving and productive single mom. I worked hard, and I cared for my daughter perfectly. For 2 years. Then one day I woke up and felt like I was just going to die. I have been through several MAJOR traumas in my life. It was like I hadn't fully dealt with all the pain, and that day, it all spilled over and drowned me. I called in to work and quit my job. I laid in bed all day and wept. And the next day I didn't get out of bed again. Then the next. It has been two years now. I have gotten up maybe 30 days out of the past two years.....and that may be an over count. I have gained 50 lbs, I am hardly a mother at all. No matter the plans I make in my head for the next day, I just cannot bring myself to get up. I feel guilty about not caring for my baby girl, and it makes me even more depressed, and then just adds to the pain causing me to stay in bed. I see a psychiatrist once a month and a therapist comes to my house once a week.I take 19 pills a day. And yet, I am still not able to get past this. There is just too much hurt inside me. I want to be that mom that I used to be. More than anything in this world. My daughter is so amazing and I am missing such a vital time in her life. I read other people's posts about being in bed for 2 or 3 days and how horrible it is....and I just think....if they only knew what it was like. I have no friends, and family has all given up on me. I just get so lonely, I wish I had someone to talk to. Anyone.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Ii'm sorry you are suffering so much. The very first thing that came to my mind when I read your post is that your pdoc has you way over medicated if all these pills are for the illnesses you mentioned.

If I were you and you really wanted to get better, which I believe you do, I would find a new Pscychiatrist, get off so many meds (which no doubt is the reason you can't get out of bed), and maybe either change Therapist (because sometimes we just get stuck and need a fresh new pair of eyes. A DBT or CBT Therapist may be a much better fit for you. It sounds like you need a fresh new start. Go back to the drawing board with someone new. You also have to help yourself. Getting better takes a lot of work on your part and meds don't fix everything, not even close.

You can have an entirely different life than you have now.

I wish you the very best,
Crystal
1 Comments
Hi Jules!  When I first got home from the hospital,a friend asked around at her church, and got a nurse to come over to my house. It was just 3 days a week for 4 hrs per day. She cooked for me and made sure I took my meds.
She charged $15 per hour.
Maybe you could contact a nursing school or a church.
Of the 19 pills you mentioned,are some of them vitamins? I agree you need another pdoc to evaluate your meds. Maxy
1551327 tn?1514049467
Hello and welcome to the forum,
I agree with Crystal in saying that you are likely over-medicated.  I also want to tell you that I believe you can get better.
Better for you right now does not mean the same better that others might expect.  I want to make sure your expectations are not too high because that is likely one of the things that is hurting you right now.
I find myself wondering how this could occur.  I have seen some of the deepest depression and like you I have spent a very long time in bed.  Never years but definitely months.  I have PTSD, Bipolar, Antisocial anxiety disorder, and dependency issues but I am not those things.  It has taken some time but today I can tell you that the only time I lay in that bed is when I am tired from a hard day.  But I still remember what it was like being a prisoner in the bedroom.  I will never forget.
When I first started coming out of it I would not even come into the bedroom because I was scared.  I was afraid that I would fall back into it.  I would just crash in the living room on the floor.
You have a complicated journey ahead of you.  It is going to take will and love to get you from the state of mind you are in to the state of mind you can be in.
I would like to know what you do on a daily basis.  Laying in bed, sure, but what do you do?  I am assuming television is involved and maybe internet.
Avatar universal
I agree with crystal and bubalous. I think you need a different Dr. and to drop a lot of meds. Start by taking baby step, cut down on meds, stick your foot out of your bedroom or in a place you fear to go. start with toes or feet every day until you can do a full step.

This sounds really harsh to be in the state and by reaching out here I feel like there is still a big part of you that wants to change your current state. Don't over do it. start small.

I'm here if you need to talk to some one and I don't judge, I'm new to this site as well but I have not seen very judgmental people any where. Just remember were here to help or just chat if you need to!  
Avatar universal
I feel sorry for you but i believe you can get thru all of this, i know you'll be healthy soon.

cut off of your meds (don't take too much or for too long any benzodiazepines), get know more and more about your disorders, look for another doctor, change your minds (it's a must) and lastly gather your family and friends to help you start fresh.
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