Is lying part of depression or personality.

[crystalfresh]

I have a friend that lies about everything. It doesn't matter what subject. Most of the lies are not even possible some are not even with reality. But he seems to not be able to tell the truth. He knows he lying and seems to enjoy it. Half of   the time he lies to hurt other people because of his depression. That part I can understand. But what about all the other lies. Do people with very deep rooted depression lie about everything?

He is aware he is lying but is it a choice or does he not have control over it?

[volver]

the way you describe your friend, it sounds like he is an alcoholic.  anyone with an addiction problem is actually hurting inside; they aren't evil.  

people who are in pain, often want and need attention.  and most people have a tendency to not want to give attention to people who actually need it.  usually because the people who need it, go about it the wrong way (like lying).  

also, people don't usually just destroy their life and all their relationships just for the fun of it.  generally when those things happen, some form of pain and/or dysfunction is often at root.  

it's understandable that you might be angry, frustrated, disappointed, etc due to your friend's behavior.  but having compassion for your friend, is probably the best thing I think you could do for not just him, but also for yourself.  

if you are truly concerned about him, you might consider talking to a professional.  you might be in need of some emotional support yourself.  

[volver]

you made a comment about if he "were really suicidal he would have done it years ago".  i can't comment on what's going with your friend without knowing him, but suicide should always be taken seriously.  the idea that just because a person talks about it for a long while without attempting it must mean he isn't serious is not valid.  taking it seriously doesn't mean you have to give him money, etc.  but when it comes to suicide, i think your friend should be given the benefit of the doubt.  most people talk about suicide so they won't actually do it.  it's a shame not more people are understanding of that.

[crystalfresh]

The question is would it be right for me to feel anger about what he does or do I need to just feel sorry for him? Are there really evil people or just people that are hurting inside?

[crystalfresh]

I confronted him last night. He said he has been drinking every day. But claims it's old alcohol from months ago. Sure like he bought 1,000 bottles of beer to stock up. Even if that is true it's a problem. I told him how much I hated the alcohol and not to talk to me when he is drinking. I said drink=no contact with me. So I did not leave him but can not have conversations with a drunk. We had a more normal conversation last night with him sober. Half of the conversation was him making up more lies to cover the lies he told when he was drunk. Sometimes when he is really drunk the truth comes out and he says he lies because he is lower than bug vomit and hates him self. I have tried so hard to give him things to enjoy and look forward to by helping him make things happen but he ends up destroying them intentionally. It takes effort to really create a disaster. He will go out of his way to ruin his life. He is about 40yrs. I tried to talk about help but he refuses. It seems like the only way he can get enjoyment these days is by hurting other people. He goes far out of his way to sabotage other peoples relationships and hurt people for self enjoyment. He laughs at it. He seems to enjoy hurting people like little kids like candy. He has completely changed in the years I have known him. I also know after his few minutes of enjoyment from hurting people he feels bad (not guilty) because there are no more distractions from his current state. I read lots of stuff about pathological conditions last night and anger it it spells his name. I find it so hard to believe that a person can be trained or learned to be like this. But more so I wonder if you need to be born with a gene that is prone to this condition and it is a combination of genes and conditions. I can't believe I would have turned out like that in the same situation.

I can handle it, but the alcohol and liying I can't. He was out of work because he kept missing job interviews because he was hung over the next morning from drinking the night before. Won't get a second job because he wants to drink at night. He can't pay bills and lets them go. He is nearly homeless -- again -- and I won't help him this time -- again. I don't think my helping is helping but allowing him to continue on his destructive path by making it easier. He talks about suicide because it gets people to give him money and attention, a fee place to live. I don't buy it for one second. He lies about everything to get money for alcohol. At his age I think if he were really suicidal it would have happened years ago. I think it is just another lie. I never gave him much money but I don't think he is after that with me. He wants my attention but I am trying to show him he needs to stay sober if he wants it from me.

I have never seem someone as dysfunctional as he has become. Anger, Control, Pathological + Compulsive, Paranoia, Manic, OCD, Alcohol, Depression,  Self-centered, Hateful-Jealousy, and just the terrible indescribable vicious lies about people that have extended help but stop helping. He is a mess. Wasn't like this years ago, getting worst. Always had anger and alcohol issues but all these other things are new in past years.

His most recent lie was that he was crying about was that he is starving for food. Hadn't had anything except alcohol for 90 days because couldn't afford food. That was his excuse for drinking so much alcohol. I wasn't aware that people can live for 90 days with out food on pure alcohol? 3 weeks maybe for someone with lots of muscle, 2 months for someone 400 lbs over weight but not my skinny friend who is gaining weight to boot. I should not have to explain his lies since I hear him chewing on the phone with food.

Not sure what this lie was about. Starting to think he just lies for attention. I respond like wow 90 days with just alcohol go you. What a way to save money. Makes him angry because he is looking for attention that I won't give him any more.

He tells me he is stuck somewhere out of gas has no money while driving his car honking his horn in traffic. I know he makes up stories for people to feel so sorry for him the will offer him money to help him out. Kinda like the homeless people that stand on street corners for spare change. Then he goes and spends the money on alcohol and smokes. I have been friends with him for a long time and it hurts to see someone become so self destructive. I tried to help for 2 years and at this point I just needed to understand why he is like this. I have never seen it before in my life. I thought it was a mental brain disorder coming out like paranoid schizophrenia but after reading all the websites about anger, pathological/compulsive lying and such it fits like a perfect glove. There should be a law to prevent people from having children in dysfunctional homes if they turn out like my friend.

I think he is physically harmless but a mess and has hurt so many people.

[dee4225]

Many people with depression also have personality disorders...especially those growing up in an alcoholic home.  Most people with personality disorders are trying to get their needs met.  This is not an excuse for lying, but may be a reason this is happening.  If you sincerely care about this man, try to get him in therapy.  If he could go to see someone initially alone and later with you, it might be a way to work out his issues so you can have a good relationship.  If he is not willing to get help, the outlook is not good.  This is not something one can "grow out of."  The most important thing is to take care of you.

[crystalfresh]

I just found out that when my friend calls me telling me crazy lies he is drinking alcohol. He has lied about the drinking for years. He lied about the drinking because he knows that I hate it. This is why I hate alcohol so much. I don't know if other drugs are involved, I don't know anymore. I know he makes more money than I do and is broke all the time. Drugs/alcohol would explain a lot of things especially where his money is always going. Probably an alcoholic. No I'd bet on it. Yea this all makes sense now. He has a group of friends that are always drunk all the time and out of work because they lost licenses to dunk driving. I can't believe I never saw it. My first reaction is to just yell at him. But he is beyond my help, too set in his way, too long, too defiant. I don't know why I never knew it was always right there in front of me. I wonder what else I don't know about my friend? I give up. I hate alcohol. He will never change. I believe him now when he says his he grew up in an alcoholic family. It so seems truthful now.

[crystalfresh]

He said he came from a  alcoholic family that was abusive but who knows that could just be another lie. The lies used to be bad and about real things. But lately in the past year the lies are 50% out of paranoia and the rest are not even remotely possible. He is a very good friend. I started getting on his case about them. Each time I state come on you know that is impossible, he says well you know what I mean, don't take things so literally. Just to give you an example. He would tell me how bad his day at work was. How he an anther employee got in to a bad argument that almost lead in to a fist fight knocking things over and got sent home early because of this and how upset he was looking for sympathy. But the problem is it was his day off and he was home all day never going out. And he gets in full detail about things that don't exist. I thought he had schitso but he is completely aware of his lies and enjoys telling the bitter stories for attention. I know he has not self esteem but these lies are not out of control. Everything that he says is now a lie. Pathological and compulsive. I don't know what happened to him. It is getting very upsetting because I don't know what is happening to my friend. It was so bad I had to even question his name. I've never seen this before and wondered if it was part of depression. Trying to understand what might be going on. For a long time I thought he was unaware of the lying and it was a mental condition but recently learned he is fully aware and enjoys how he can control the conversations and make up what he wants. He gets a rush out of deceiving people. It's pretty sick. Every friend he had stopped talking to him last year and I was thinking of it too. But this situation is so unusual and the lies so extensive and so out of possibilities I wonder if it is a mental condition. So not normal.

[bonster4097]

the lying could be part of a characteristic if he was brought up in an alcoholic home.  there are 19 characteristics of A.C.O.A (adult children of alcoholics) and one of the charac. is adult children of alcoholics have a tendency to lie rather than tell the truth even when it was just as easy to tell the truth.  HOPE this helps. bonster4097

[ings81]

i definatly think its partly to do with personality and instead of depression there something else ie. bipolar or some sort of personality disorder. when you are as low as you can go an then still fall even lower you don't give a **** about anything you can barely talk, think, function,move. i would look into other things like bipolar and if this person is depressed its there personality people that lie to hurt someone else should somehow be made to feel how i do right now. Just because a bunch of people are diagnosed with depression they don't all feel the same. be careful how you word things. i would never wish any sort of mental illness on anyone. good luck. Also sorry how important is this person to you?