Hi,
My name is h*g*es, i'm 18 years old and been smoking weed for 2years..
I always feel awkward when i smoke as if everyone is staring at me.. but yet i always get high when im by myself...
i dont have fun smoking while everyone else does.. i just smoke it to make me not think about anything that went wrong.. i noticed that about a year ago.. i started feeling out of place.. i was always the cool guy who just walks in a room and automatically owns it.. but for a year now i haven't had a girlfriend.. i feel as if that whole year was just 1 day.. i always feel down on myself, i mean; i know im depressed but i dont know whether it's due to me smoking.. but anyways.. this is how it all started.. the very first dude that i smoked with.. is currently my best friend.. but when i first started smoking, i would always feel guilty, like i shouldn't.. but i used to be fine. I was in high school everything, socially, was great. about a few months later i picked up cigarettes, even though i used to have one once i a while but was never addicted. then a year later, i started to feel awkward in front of my friends when i'm high.. like they are all starring at me, like my accent is more recognizable. So i started smoking with someone else, someone that i normally would not hang with, at that time i just started smoking way more. Before; i would, a lot of times, just pretend to be smoking when hanging out with my friends, but when i started smoking with that new guy. It was a total different ball game, i did not feel awkward so i was just smoking everyday. I started to drift away from anything social, just in my own zone at times. I started to lose a grip on being the cool guy that i used to be because when pple are trying to find out where different parties were during the week-end, i was at my loser friend home smoking my weed(which i could have done driving around with my true friends) but NOo, i would feel too awkward. WEEd has ****** up everything good in my life. I didnt graduate with my class because, i missed too many days of school. That's because i would have "The weed hangover" and stay in bed almost every morning. Because i was out late smoking weed ..again.. Now, im almost 19 and i cant get rid of it. You know how it keeps you locked in. When you dont smoke weed you're fine, you don't fiend as if it was crack, but you always eventually end up smoking. The way the way that weed keeps you addicted is because you don't think of it as something you absolutely need to quit such as cocaine.. but yet its slowly but gradually screwing up your life just like those drugs.. I mean have you ever been out and you just feel like you're not having fun, then you just leave, You smoke a bowl and then you're high. You don't care, you no longer think about it then just go home and stare at the TV dumbly. You see thats exactly how it gets you, you feel like you're not having fun because you are not trying to.. on the back of your mind you know that there is something else that you can be doing(which you love to), without having to be trying to fit in. While, that particular night that you went home, you could have probably meet a bunch of pple or a cute girl. On a daily basis this is what weed does to you. You can say, weed is no big deal, i'm not addicted to it, i can spend a whole month without smoking it unlike crack... but because its not a big deal, you eventually always end up smoking it, you always end up giving up on your social life to be with weed, and i think thats exactly how it makes you depressed ad i know that this is how it keeps you and me coming back eventually.