Is there a way after depression to feel normal?

[thebutme]

I´m new at the site. And I´d appreciatte some help.I´ve been depressed most of my life but I feel worse, even though I´ve been through treatment, as a I grow older. Is there a way to get to feel normal again? I can work but not all the time, never been more than 2 years at the same job, I used to go out I don´t feel like it anymore, I keep avoiding people and feel tired all the time. I don´t feel like doing my hair, neither to use make up or taking care of my apearance. I don´t feel sad or negative, but still can´t get on my feet to do what I want to do. Is there any hope?

[Rainbow_Ike]

Well said!

Too often, we define ourselves by our conditions.

They are diseases, not our souls

Ike
"Be strong, Be Strong, and we shall be Strong together!"
.

[therese83]

YES you can recover, i have seen others and i am on the way myself !

It is a depression and not who you are !

[compnet]

George Eby (he has a site you can find on google), on his site, he describes how it feels now that his depression is gone.

[thebutme]

I agree with you Maddie. I remember that I didn´t realize what I did until I talked to my mother and my brothers and sister,when I saw the worry and concern on them. I felt I did something funny until I talked to them, they were so afraid....I didn´t want to die I just wanted to change things. It wasn´t the best way.

[4Maddie44]

When I took an overdose, many years ago now, I saw what it did to my family.  It is them who in ther long run suffer.  They would be so full of guilt that they could not help you.

When I say to my daughter I feel like ending it all, she gets so cross and upset.  Remember those you love and don't let them suffer your loss.

No an easy life is it, but we must keep going as best we can.

[thebutme]

I tried to commit suicide once, after that time I worked on not having that thoughts anymore, and it worked for years; specially after giving birth to my daughter. This was about 18 years ago. Lately I feel like dying again. And just like you keep  avoiding these thoughts due to the fact I´m still raising my daughter. There are lots of meds for pain, and I think you should consider change that med for another w/o those bad side effect, what sense does it make avoiding physical pain if you might kill yourself one of these days? Life is the most important thing we have and it should be our first priority. Each one of us is struggling to have a better life and we all know it can be achieved, we only don´t know how.....It is just a daily discovery. Think about your kids and about yourself, remember you are vital for them and for yourself. Take care.

[llovely1]

In the imformation on gabapentin it says may cause suicidal thoughts, I'm also on amitrip for pain 50mgs at night.
the problem is I think about dieing alot, but I can't because my 5 children need me. I have thought about making it look like an accident, but my husband is a very BAD parent so I can't do that ether, I'm worried if I get any worse will I stop finding reasons not to do it? I keep comimg back to my children. is the gabapentin making me crazy if I go off it will the pain make me crazier..

[4Maddie44]

Hi, Isn't it strange how some meds work for some people and not for others.

Prozac is one of the worst drugs I ever took.  Made me 10 times worse.  We all react differently to different drugs.

If I stop my meds I go into a deep depression again.  The only way I can feel normal is to take anti-depressants.  I am on Effexor 150mg now and feeling really well.  Will never stop meds again.  I will continue to take them for the rest of my life.  Anyway I am old now.

[Rainbow_Ike]

Just joined tonight myself

My first social support networks were like this - online

email groups which I could drop in on and join the discussion when i had the energy, o for example..

I'm on Wellbutrin, by the way - no sexual problems Buprobrion is the generic name.

Have you ever discussed Social security disability with your p-doc? My psychiatrist basically told me after I began to have symptoms when I returned to work after I was hospitalized (I was a social worker supervisor - talk about stress!).that I shouldn't so I've been on SSD ever since - which after a certain amount of time gave me Medicare.

I HATED the idea at first - I'm a helper! but like I said - I trust the man with my life.

The funny thing is how little I know about him. I know he speaks Russian, since I heard him speak it on the phone when I used to see him at the outpatient clinic.But his name is Newman and he speaks perfect English. I know his wife is Russian, since I saw him at his private practice for quite a few years at his house and met her once by accident. (They live upstairs from the office, and I was the first patient for the day- he was helping her bring in the groceries from the car when I walked up to the building, and he introduced me)

My lover sees him.also. Yesterday he told me that Dr. Newman was telling him that he had been a refugee from Russia as a by, and lived first in Italy.I've known him since 1999 and never knew that!

Anyway, you have one friend here. now= go make some more! (g)

Ike

[thebutme]

Thanks for the time you took on my answering my question, Rainbow...well I have tried other meds but prozac is what has worked the best for me, not completely though and worked better in the past, but I know about the sexual side effects you referred to since I´ve been alone, no desire, I´m trying to take Ginko B  and I hope it works...Now, I have tried 12 steps and lot of selfhelp books but w/o meds they don´t help. There are times when I don´t want to read, I used to read a lot... Where I live at there aren´t too many DRs to choose from, unless you are ready to pay$$$,  and I just keep from one job to the next, so I don´t have insurance all the time...
I´ll consider a social support network when I go back into everyday life again, it might be helpful.. but my selsteem isn´t as high and I feel I never belong or fit in, it took me a lot to write something here, bcs I don´t want to make an effort...and this is killing my spirit....I joined few days ago and did nothing but read, w/o sharing anything and I needed to share so bad...... Thanks again for your support.

[thebutme]

Thanks for answering my question.. I´ve been on treatment for years now, but sometimes quit it because I feel better when I quit it for a while, and restart it later. I´ve been diagnosed both major depression and bipolar disorder, but I become maniac only when I take prozac for too long, I´m only depressed for years. The Dr wants me to follow his treatment w/o anyarguments and always refuses to work with me on it, just want me to answer his questions....I feel the prozac is the med that works the best but I still don´t feel myself, I feel I´m vegetating....Thanks for the info on the Dysthymia and your support.

[thebutme]

Thanks for your support freebird. It happens that everytime I go to the Dr. they start with the T4, T3 and that kind of tests and they don´t find anything. Now where I live at we don´t have too many options for Dr. I have tried a couple but always go back to the same since other meds don´t seem to work. I´ve been on Prozac since 1992, they used to mix it with lithium but later changed it to an anconvulsant acid. I would love to follow Dr. instructions but this second med makes me down so I don´t take it but when I need to sleep and just a little bit. I ´m not good at waking up early, I don´t want to go out....there´s no grass outside...I used to practice sports and used to love the outdoors but can´t get out of the house...I know it would help but I can´t follow any routines....I feel I need a day with 48 hrs or more to get something acomplished...I´m currently taking B complex but wouldn´t know what amount I actually need and I´ve got the orders for tests but I can´t seem to get them done. Thanks for your advice.

[Rainbow_Ike]

Yes.
First of all, medication is not the entire answer, but you might be on he wrong one. For example, as a male, NONE of the SSRI's are good for me due to the sexual side effect. I stopped taking them and ended up in the hospital, where the doctor put me on a totally unrelated medication.

.I totally trust my psychiatrist. when I told him I thought I needed more medication (I also take anxiety medication) he told me "There's a limit to what chemicals can do - time for you to start psychotherapy."

Why was a man with a Master's in Social Work who used to BE a therapist was so resistant to Therapy? Because depressives HATE change. Don;t we?

My psychiatrist looked at the list of therapists from my insurance, and pointed to the ones he knew. I had a list of issues I wanted to cover, and spoke to the ones who were easy to get to by public transportation on the phone, weeding out the pones who a: didn't want to be interviewed and B: had no experience in those areas.

I had it down to three.

Candidate #1 was "warm and  fuzzy" - which I knew from my training was NOT a good sign. Also, I hated the sweet smell in her office.

It was a toss up between candidate #2 & 3, and # 3 one for a silly reason - I have severe knee arthritis, and #2's office was in a private house, with a tall flight of stairs to climb to his office. #3 is in an office building with 5 elevators. #3 is also older, and more experienced.

The third thing that I did was something I found my accident when trying to help a buddy: I found a "clubhouse" for LGBTQ consumers of mental health services called the "Rainbow Heights Club" (http://rainbowheights.org/) a place i can go and socialize with other people who have psychiatric problems where i know I will not be judged.

It might not be the perfect solution for everyone, but a social support network is a good idea. they don't have to know why you;re volunteering as a docent at your local museum house, or as a literacy volunteer at the library.Just as long as you are getting you sweet patootie out of your bed and doing ANYTHING but watching re-runs of "Golden Girls" on The Hallmark Channel".

One last thing I did to start feeling normal: i developed a hobby - writing. Two weeks ago I submitted a short story to a publisher for the first time for an anthology of Romance stories. I may not get picked, but I had a ball writing my Romance - "The Night I Found My Prince", and I met some great folks through an email group of budding writers who helped my polish the final draft..

And guess what - none of them know I'm a depressive. Just a hopeless romantic!. (Being in a relationship for 28 years does that to one.)

By the way - one line groups is GREAT for those days when I do not heve the energy t brush out my beard or get dressed. They don;t know it's 4 AM when I'm writing in NYC and posting to the list - or that I'm naked. (g)..

Ike

[MMahon]

You say you have been thru treatment but what does that mean?  Do you still get help for your depression and is your medication helping you if you take it?  
Depression frequently comes and goes in cycles and sometimes never fully leaves.
It sounds like yours is getting a bit worse but perhaps not overly so.
I always suggest getting an appointment with a psychiatrist and let him know what you are going thru.  Therapy and medication can be quite helpful. let us know how you make out.
Check out the attached link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia