(I'm a male, 18yo. sorry for the life story lol)
I'll start with my childhood. I was very happy and energetic, but preferred to be on my own, and didn't spend a lot of time with my parents. I also started pulling my hair out and gave myself bald patches. when I was 12 or 13 I started getting depressed (I don't know why) and started slitting. my parents saw the slits and gave me no support whatsoever, but instead got angry at me. every time something bad happened to me, they would get angry. some people started beating me up and robbing me, I didn't tell them because they'd call the police, which I feared would get me beaten up even worse. one day I lost my bike, and my parents found out and didn't care that I'd just been threatened, robbed and intimidated. they were just angry I lost the bike. my mum was wailing and crying telling me how I messed the whole family up, my brother comforting her and tutting. anyway, I gradually stopped liking them, any noise they make, for example, loading the dishwasher, makes me punch the nearest wall. I conceal myself in my room, avoid them at all costs and only talk to them if absolutely necessary. I am now aggressive (only when i'm on my own) and constantly tired and apathetic. the people who used to beat me up did it a couple times a week for 2 years straight, so I started getting panic attacks and social anxiety from it. I'm a compulsive drinker, masturbater, smoker, coffee drinker, gambler and self harmer (punching things) a long with tons of other things.
I have no interest in talking to people, and am very bad at making conversation. I don't really get nervous, I just have nothing to say. I have no sex drive, I got ED the last time I tried to have sex (embarrassing) but I masturbate a lot. I usually go to sleep at 8am and sleep for 12 hours. I can't get out of bed to save my life, and have only gone into college for 10 minutes this whole year because of it. I also get sleep paralysis, insomnia, and frequently wake up during the night. and then there's the crippling paranoia of ghosts, random people on the street etc.
and finally the odd hallucination every now and then, for example breathing in my ear at 3am when i was alone in my room. although this lasted 5 minutes, and I've never heard of a hallucination like that, which makes me even more paranoid of ghosts trying to mess with my head.
I have been trying to sort this out for a few years. self administered therapy, meditation, exercise etc.
but I'm still the same. I've been suicidal for about 5 years now
so, sorry for my whole depressing life story but I didn't know how to ask this question without giving you the whole picture
so, does this sound like more than just depression and anxiety? or just a bad case of it?
(I am aware you can't give me a legal diagnosis, I'm just interested. I've made countless appointments with the doctor but missed all of them because I couldn't get out of bed lol)