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Depression Community
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Avatar universal

It finally happened! I had a breakdown.

I'm sitting in a respite center, wondering when this all started, but I cant remember when it wasnt there. Anxiety, depression, social anxiety, agoraphobia.  Factors of my childhood brought to my adulthood. Did I bring this on myself? Am i to blame for the abuse i suffered throughout my childhood, young adulthood into my aging years? Death, betrayal, anger, jealously, hatred, pity, love and respect sit perfectly together in one ball in my chest.
What happened to put me here? Many factors.. the building I lived in, the furnace blew. Thanksgiving morning we woke up to no heat, I live in Maine. It was 7 degrees outside that day. Told the landlord he just said ok, went to my daughters for dinner, asked the landlord if he got the heat fixed.. no it wont be fixed for a couple days. Friday he brought over some heaters... ahhh the electricity couldnt handle more than one small heater to be plugged it kept tripping the breaker. We closed down most of the apartment so we lived in the kitchen and one other room, the oven heated a little bit but it never got over 60. No heat at night cause we couldnt leave the oven running while we slept. Monday comes still no heat, I call code enforcement, if the heat isnt back on by wednesday building will be condemned.  Still no heat wednesday, building condemned.  In the mean time I'm trying to get help, a new apartment anything. Called red cross, they said if they help me it would use up all their funds! Called maine housing, no emergency housing available, salvation army.. no sorry. Called department of human services, no programs available for me. I have an esa dog, I am a recovering addict 12 almost 13 years clean, agoraphobic and severe social anxiety. They told me "get rid of your dog and go to a homeless shelter". I have a daughter that takes all her anger, hatred, depression out on me. Not physical but mentally. It got too much for me and I lost it.  Everyone needs a little help sometimes, I just waited a bit longer than I should have. But I am healing and learning. So please when life gets you down get help it comes in many forms. Your doctor can help, be specific when asking about help because sometimes they dont tell you about certain things until your at your breaking point. But it is there.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Thank you for the story.

Being suddenly homeless is hella scary!

We all need a village to count on when we need help. People we can turn to when it's beyond our power.
973741 tn?1342346373
Ahh, my gosh.  Who wouldn't fall apart in that situation!  Everyone has a breaking point.  Guessing you didn't have renters insurance.  Dumb to bring up but it doesn't cost much at all monthly and it would have paid for a hotel while they got the heat back on at your apartment probably.  Happened to me a long time ago.  Food for thought for your next apartment.  It was worth the few dollars a month it cost when I finally had to use it (most have a stipulation if your place has an issue (mine was busted pipe so no working toilet for a week) that they cover accommodations.  Although in this situation, the building was condemned (surprised it came to that.  Cheaper to fix the furnace than to let your building go).  Also, if you have a service pet, I believe you are entitled to take that dog anywhere.  I'd check if you can't bring the dog to a shelter with you.  By law, it's not a pet and normal restrictions don't apply.

Anyway, that doesn't matter. What is going on now is important. Yes, absolutely, everyone needs help from time to time.  

What is your next step?  Have you found somewhere to live? I am sending you big big hugs!
1 Comments
I do have renters insurance! I didnt know they would... omg I'm such an idiot sometimes. I keep forgetting I have that. But I did find a different place.  Thank you so much!
973741 tn?1342346373
You are so welcome and seriously, stay with us here.  We have a lot of supportive people that want to help others!  Wishing you all the best!
2 Comments
We have  new place, and they allowed my dog and didnt charge me a pet deposit. I got a good landlord now.
Yes, if you have a service animal that is NOT a pet and regular rules do not apply like pet deposits or extra charge a month as a pet fee.  You also can not be denied having a pet.  There are laws protecting your right for your service animal.  :>)))  Glad you have a good place and things are looking up!
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