Dear TattooBunny -
I'm begging you to take my word for this - it's not my intention to frighten you, but these feelings you're having and the thoughts in your mind are not normal and could hurt you or someone you love very much. As hard as it might be, you've absolutely got to tell someone (an adult) what's going on with you. If this adult doesn't take you seriously, doesn't act on what you've told them, or acts as if it's not a big deal, go to a different adult. Your parents, if you have a way of getting into contact with your school counselor, your school nurse, your teachers, anyone who takes you seriously will help you. You must go and tell this adult RIGHT NOW - this minute.
You can also walk into an emergency room - that's right, that's how serious your brain is malfunctioning. Whoever you tell, you have to tell them everything you mentioned in this question you typed up. None of what's happening to you is your fault. The way your brain is treating you right now is not because of anything you've done, it just has an illness.
There are treatment options available to you that will enable you to live your life in peace and be happy. Go get help right now.
Anorexia is extremely dangerous to your health. And yes at your age, you can have a heart attack or stroke if you have an eating disorder. It can cause a lot of health issues. It will make you dizzy, nauseated, confused, etc.
There's a helpline and chat you can talk to someone at National Eating Disorders Association. Take a look at this website for more information:
You can call and it is anonymous. You can talk to them about what you are going through and they can help you.
I'd also suggest you make an appointment to meet with a psychologist for therapy. It can help you a lot to talk about things you are going through with a therapist. The therapist is not there to judge you. She is there to listen to you and help you.
And if you can, try talking to your parents. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them first, then call the hotline and/or make a therapy appointment. You can also talk with a school counselor.
Please make the first step for some help. You are young and don't want to develop health problems due to not eating and stress. I wish you luck and hope you feel better soon.
It broke my heart to read your post. My daughter is 15, and if she was going through so much turmoil without reaching out for help, I would be so sad! Trust me when I tell you your parents would absolutely want to know this!
You've obviously been seen by a mental health professional already at some point, because you have several diagnoses. That's what you need to do, get back in to see the doctor, because your disorders are not properly being managed, and you've got several urgent issues that need dealt with...the voices, starving yourself, isolating yourself, suicidal thoughts, just to name a few.
Don't be scared to reach out, It's very possible you may need a brief hospital stay to get all of these things worked on, to get you feeling better. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you ca't help how you are, and likely being adopted an older age has caused many of the things you're dealing with.
Please be sure to let us know how you are. I'm so sorry you feel so bad, but please please please reach out and talk to your parents. You need help sweetie, and that's OKAY! That's nothing at all to be ashamed of.
Actually, you should be darn proud of yourself for reaching out here...you're smart and know you need help with this. Next step is to reach out to a trusted adult. Do it now, don't wait. The sooner you get help, the quicker you'll be feeling better and not so stressed and scared.
You're in my thoughts.....
Oh, and another thing, reaching out for help isn't attention seeking hon! It's being smart! You KNOW the things that are going on aren't right, and you know you feel just awful right? You don't have to be that way. There's so much help out there. Some people have physical illnesses, like diabetes, others (like us) have mental disorders...both are equally as important to treat.