I have had multiple concussions including a baseball bat to the back of the head, and a really bad snowboard accident causing Post Concussion Syndrome. I am very depressed, and can't get out of this rut. I have not been the same since being hit with the bat. I got these really bad headaches constantly when I had Post Concussion that would take me to the ground, anywhere and at any time that would feel like someone was stabbing me inside my head where my temple was. I am already ADHD and now it's like the longer I go I become more depressed making me a hot head on a short fuse from the smallest things. I broke my orbital wall and clavical along with the concussion from the snowboard accident. I watched the movie "Concussion" and now I am very worrried from all the things I have been looking up. I don't feel like my head processes things the same as normal people and my fight or flight has been flight most times. Unless I am drinking then I black out really easily which I understand now that I need to completely quit drinking. I have been in a lot of fights and can say with confidence, I have at least 10 noticable concussions in my life with fights and snowboarding. I used to be really nice to everyone and now I can walk away from people from a conversation at the wrong time or I get irritated really easily. I want to learn how to live with this mess I have created before it is too late. I want to build a family and get ahead in life. I have sold home security the last 5 years door to door and I have worked my butt off, but after all the hard work I have put in I feel like I have a disorder with learning things. I don't want to be a loser, and want to make people happy again. I feel like I hurt a lot of people and am not the same person anymore. A lot of things that I have done and am not proud of, were done irrational and/or when I was drunk. I want to change. I have tried digging deep into my childhood and even done self help including, meditation and reading self help books. Meditation only helps my mind for up to an hour then I go back to depressed and self help books, aren't completely sinking in.