Losing hope...

[katie890]

my suicidal friend is getting no better... everything i try to say to her now she answers with "i guess." or "ok." just because she's so set in her self-defeating and self-hatred, and knows my feelings and beliefs so she wont even bother arguing with me and wont consider everything i say. i know i'm not a professional and i know my thoughts and ideas arent going to cure her or anything, but it kills me that shes getting worse and nothing i'm doing is helping. shes on her like 4th therapist and is now dead-set that this is the last time shes trying. i'm not even religious but all i can say is that i'm praying to god more than anything that this therapist helps her because i dont know what to do and i know whatever i'm doing isnt what she needs and isnt helping her get better. and i cant even say anything like: i cant help you if you dont help yourself, or this therapist cant do anything if you dont let her and dont put in an effort to help yourself because she doesnt want to help herself. she seems to be devoid of any desire to.

please help. please. she's already threatened her own life so many times, i feel like shes so close to being gone.

i'm so close to hopeless. i dont know what to do. i dont know i dont know i dont know... please help

[LeftCoastChick]

It's time for you to walk away from this friend. It isn't your job to get her help. You know the addage, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink". That's exactly what you are doing.  Some folks do what your friend is doing, I call that emotional vampirism, she's sucking the life force out of her. You are not her saviour, you are a friend. I would set boundaries if you stick with her. Get help and stick with it, or leave.  Some people change therapists a lot because they don't like what they hear, tough luck. Obviously she isn't willing to work, so why should you right?
Much luck, hope the posts on this thread helps you make a decision.

[star641]

hi katie ,i have to agree with DWB484 on everything she has said to you ,.
you are not responsible for your friends life ,.....it sounds like you are a very good friend to her but ,and i dont like to say this  i think your friend  is giving up now on life ,.
by what you have said the fight is gone from her she is getting so tired now
i think for now all you need do is just be a friend to her ,that is what she wants ,
she must be so tired so just sit with her ,....i can see by what you write you are the
best friend ever to her and im sorry but if her mind is made up you cant stop her ,
i went through the very same thing with my son ,i did everything i possibly could
but he still died his mind was made up long before he died he suffered for years and he just got tired ,  no more fight left in him ,but i do know i was there for him and i did my best for him ,can i just say i wish my son had a friend like you when he was alive ,
a friend that would not have judged him but was just there for him ,.
you mind yourself in all this ,and il say good look to you to ,.

[DWB484]

Sad to say Katie, but it sounds as though you;re becoming overly-enmeshed in your friend's situation and, to an extent, infected by her negativity. The 'rescuer' role classically described in 'Games People Play' can enable and maintain a destructive situation instead of helping, as is kindly intended. You sound as though you need to think about the boundaries you could set to protect youself. You don't need to be unkind or abandon your friend; just recognise that you are not responsible for her emotional state and try to agree this with her. She may well be angry with you, but any anger wouldn't be justified. You need to have a life and can't allow yourself to be dragged down by your friend. I'm afraid there are no easy answers, but, even in the worst scenario, should your friend make an attempt on her life, that would be her choice and her responsibility, not yours. Good luck and take care.