First of all, I am so sorry about how badly you're feeling. I've been there...I know....but let's focus on you.
First off, you have a lot of anxiety mixed with your depression, correct? What drug are you currently on?
I could not tolerate any SSRI's, and found great relief from Remeron (mirtazapine). It is a tetracyclic, and is great for depression mixed with anxiety. It is also quite sedating, so it's quite good for providing good sleep. You take it in the evening. I take 30 mg., which is the average therapeutic dosage.
Also, I do use a sleep aid - Ambien. My psychiatrist believes in the value of getting normal sleep during major depression episodes. The sleep component is critical.
And lastly, you need to be in therapy. That's critical when you're diagnosed with major depression - the best results are obtained when the drug therapy is coupled with antidepressants. If you can't afford one, you can find out agencies in your area that provide counseling services at reduced rates. Also, some Dr.'s will work with you on a sliding scale, just ask and tell them about your financial status.
I'm assuming that you are collecting disability? If not, definitely get that rolling to get some money coming in.
I know that everything seems dismal right now...and I know what it's like feeling so horrible that you can't hold a job, but hopefully, you can find the right antidepressant and therapist to get the ball moving again.
I hope some of this info. is of some assistance to you.
All my very best to you,
Xanweaner has made some very good suggestions. I am also medication resistant.
About 10 to 15 percent of individuals with Severe Depression are what's refered to as "Medication resistant." From the sound of it you may also be med resistant too.
In most cases like ours, it's not that antidepressant medication doesn't work for us, it just means that many of the SSRI and SNRI medications only work for us for a VERY short time before they lose there ability to produce a response.
Like Xanweaner I have also had to switch to a different class of medications because meds like Zoloft, Effexor, and Cymbalta have no effect on me.
I take Nortriptilyne (Tri-Cyclic) which has worked for me and thus far been able to control my Cronic Depressive and anxiety dissorder for over a year now.
Xanweaner takes Remeron which is a TetraCyclic antidepressant. Remeron is also a good option for people like us. If Tri-cyclics and Tetacyclic medications fail to work, then there is a good chance that an MAO inhibitor class of drugs will be able to produce a response for you.
Your not alone. There are many of us med resistant folks out there and we understand.