So this isn't about me, but it's about my boyfriend. He's 18 and he's had depression for 11 years. He says that the anti-depression pills only make his depression worse. He's kind of a loner except for his 4 friends and me.
He says that he's really happy to be with me and have someone who cares about him. He keeps saying that he's a terrible boyfriend because he worries me when he feels depressed. I tell him it only worries me because I care about him...and he doesn't tell me what's wrong or what's causing him to be depressed. He always says, "I don't know, I just feel depressed =/ ". Then we cuddle together until I have to leave...It's always around the time when I have to leave that he starts getting depressed. I'd spend the night with him to comfort him and let him know I'm still there for him, but my parents always think we are going to have sex or something. (It's like, you think that just because I want to spend the night with him to comfort him, we're automatically going to have sex. Yeah. Okay.)
There was one time that he got to spend the night with me. I had to beg my parents to let him stay. His puppy he had for barely even 4 months had to be put down, and he didn't want to go home until the dog was gone. (So that just caused him to be more depressed.) We got yelled at the next morning because I had slept next to him.
Here is one of the messages he sent me:
"I think something is wrong with me Tabbi...I feel miserable for making you cry, it really makes me feel like I'm a terrible boyfriend, even though you say I'm not. I don't know why but I just feel bad, I love you a lot and you make me really happy, I love having you around me and laying with you and stuff. I can't picture my life without you, you just mean so much. But when you're not here I feel like ****, and sometimes when you are here I still feel like ****. I know I'm happy with you but I'm not happy. I can't explain it but I think you might know what it feels like. You truly do make me happy, but something is clearly wrong with me at the moment. I'm sorry for being a burden to you. I really really love you, you know. I may not show it but I do. I love you so much Tabbi...I hope we can help me, I love you princess."
And I only cry when he worries me to the point I think he's going to leave...or when he says something really sweet it makes me happy and I start to cry.
He says this in another message, "I have everything I want but I'm like ******* depressed and ****." I told him I feel like sometimes I just make it worse when I try to cheer him up. He says that I'm not making him feel worse, he says it's because of him. (So at this point I got worried...) I asked him if he was still going to me with me, his response was, "of course, I don't want you to leave me, you make me feel better."
and I got this one this morning around 2:
"I'm sorry princess...about my random sadness, I was happy being near you yesterday, and I miss you...I love you a lot and I'm sorry for not being a better boyfriend, I'm sorry I'm negative and stuff, I just don't know what's going on...I love you princess, I hope you sleep better than me, goodnight"
Also, he told me awhile back, that he didn't want to live anymore...but he said that I was the only reason he still wants to live. He says he's too much of a coward to kill himself...but he said that if I died, he would.
He also has a bad sleeping habit...He doesn't sleep well at night. He snores and he has recurring dreams of either me dying, or worse, me dying and we had kids. He says that every time he has one of those dreams, he wakes up in tears and starts looking around for me.
So, I'm sorry if that stuff is just kind of off in tangent...
If you know of anything that could help us, it would be very much appreciated.