Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

My father thinks he is dying and has given up

Hello all.  I am a usual poster in the prostate cancer forum as I am a caregiver for my dad who was diagnosed last November.  Let me provide brief overview.  Diagnosed with local prostate cancer in November 2013.  Did radiation through Feb and March of 2014.  Once radiation finished, he kept worrying that it has still spread and treatment didn't work.  he hated radiation because he always had a full bladder and was told to hold it in a lot.  towards the end of radiation he got a bladder infection, but never told anyone about the pain or got it treated.  must have had it two weeks before end of radiation and before got any anti-biotics.  we were told by doctors this could cause dilusion.  four days after radiation finished dad was not himself.  Very distant.  at times asking what day it was and if he had eaten breakfast or taken his pills.  so not like him.  He drives and goes grocery shopping and cooks/cleans.  very independent.  In and out of the hospital twice in 2 weeks.  This past Thursday went to see his rad/onc who noticed a changed and had him admitted asap.  hes been in the hospital since Thursday night.  Every kind of test has been run, (CT, MRI, Xray, blood, urine, etc...).  The only thing that is noticed is the infection and they started him on an antibiotic last night.  Hopefully this starts to help.  However the problem now is he refuses to eat, refuses to talk, refuses to get out of bed.  When he does talk he tells us he is dying and its his fault and its too late.  To leave him alone and let him die.  All test results show otherwise.  I don't know how to deal with this.  He is week because he won't eat.  He thinks he is weak because he is dying.  Also, he says someone is killing him.  Someone in the hospital is putting something in his IV to kill him.  
14 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
the main medical reason he can still be feeling this way is the hormone therapy/drugs he is on.  They can have this side effect, but this is very extreme.  He is currently taking cipralex daily with very little to no help at all.  depression is still as low as usual. its been a month.  The medical team has cleared physical ailments.  the infection was there and was real and did make him delirious.  That has passed.  All we have left now is this depression.  He agrees himself.  but hes so upset that he doesn't even want to leave the hospital room anymore.  he won't eat.  barely talks.  this is why ect is being considered.  because he is not eating mainly.  it is now a risk to his health.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
This is a difficult situation, I feel for you.  This was such an acute onset, that IMO it's hard to attribute everything to a psychological reason.  I think it probably is a factor, but you started out being told it was the infection.  For that reason, I wouldn't be so eager to agree to ECT.  I think I would have another discussion with the docs about narrowing down cause and effect, as much as possible.  ECT CAN really help people, but I just think it's premature in your dad's case, and I'm not convinced there still isn't a medical reason for the way he's feeling and acting.

Blessings to you....this has got to be rough.  Keep us updated!
Helpful - 0
1110049 tn?1409402144
When I was in a psychiatric hospital, although I refused ECT there were a few people who did have it.  It is usually used for severed depression that does not respond to medication.  Has anyone suggested that your dad would benefit from ECT?  How does he feel about that?  I did see people make marvellous recoveries after having ECT treatments.  Usually takes a few sessions, and is liable to wipe some long term memory.  The person has to agree to have it.  I refused as I said, and do not regret it.  

As Paxiled says, anything worth trying.  I believe in placebo too.  If we really think something is working for us, then we feel better.  

I am so sorry things are so difficult for your father.  Has anyone suggested anti depressant medication may help your father?  It is a very difficult situation.  You say he is receiving text book mental health treatment - is it helping?

Keep us updated, and sorry I could not be more help.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
he's had two lupron injections as hormone therapy for his prostate cancer.  They think this may been a part of the cause.  Anyone have any comments or experience with ECT?  It seems this is the next step for him.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
They will medicate him like crazy, as that's what they do.  It might help, it might just sedate him.  The diazepam is for anxiety, not depression, and can increase depression if he's not anxious.  Bach flower remedies work for some, not for others, and if you're trying to find the right one it's a matter of experimentation.  There's a combination called Rescue Remedy that might be a better choice unless you have him seen by someone who specializes in natural medicine.  Also, Bach remedies other than Rescue Remedy can make things worse before they get better.  I took one once and I couldn't handle that first part, but now I wish I'd stuck with it.  That's why these are best used with an experienced practitioner.  But they also probably don't work at all for most people, only some have the proper susceptibility.  I would have thought I wouldn't be one of those, but as I say, I had a profound reaction to one, so you never know.  Mainstream science believes these and other homeopathy is quackery or placebo medicine, but I always say, placebo is the best medicine if it works as it doesn't cause side effects.  A mental hospital may be the only place in the end for your father as they essentially do what they do no matter what, and for some people taking the choice out of it (you have choice, but mental wards don't keep you if you exercise it) is the only way.  I hope things work out.  Have you talked to him?  We all eventually reach a point where we just don't want to deal with the same old same old anymore when it just appears there's just more suffering down the line, but it does seem your father crossed that line at an odd time and very quickly.  Have you ever thought he may have had a bad reaction to some medication they gave him?  Just a thought.  Best of luck to both of you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
so, it's four weeks today in the hospital.  The two steps forward, one step back thing is getting to all of us.  tried a new therapy (diazepam) on Monday.  It picked him up for two days but by wednesday he was in a bad mood again.  refusing to eat or drink or talk.  He currently sits in an oncology ward at the hospital because he is also a cancer patient.  However, they are not treating his cancer (Prostate).  the oncology ward is not equipped to deal with his depression.  He needs more mental health care.  They are talking about moving him to a psyc ward.  in this place he will have to wear his street clothes and not allowed an IV or catheter.  Both were removed yesterday.  He seems to be ok for now, but if he keeps refusing drinking than he will be put back on IV and not allowed in the psyc ward.  the new ward will treat his mental health, whereas now he is just being physically maintained and being given text book mental treatments as the doctors are oncologists and don't specialize in mental health.  I don't know if its a good change or not to move to the new ward.  any thoughts?
Helpful - 0
1110049 tn?1409402144
With Bach Flower Remedies, I think the person who is taking it has to believe it will work.  I have tried them in the past, but not sure if it worked.  What I say is anything is worth trying - nothing is lost.  For instance I am taking St John's Wort because I stopped anti depressant medication on advice of doctor, and I read that this herbal remedy helps with mild depression.  Been taking it for 9 months, but I really cannot say whether it helps.  My depression is mild now, and comes and goes.  

Your dad has a lot to contend with.  I am so sorry.  Like you say one day good, another bad.  I really don't know how we would manage in similar circumstances.  I am sure I would completely go to pieces.  I think your dad is reacting like we all would.  Bless him.

As he is seeing someone about his depression, hopefully that will help him.  Oh, I do hope so.  If your dad now wants to live and get better, that is an improvement.  He is lucky to have you and your mum's support.  Do keep us updated.  Thanks.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
Thanks for the update!  I'm glad your dad is showing some signs of improvement.  Hopefully the doctors will get to the bottom of his remaining issues.  Best to you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hello all.  so, my father is still in the hospital.  it's been three weeks now.  However, there is improvement.  all infections gone.  we are now focusing on severe depression and fatigue caused by low iron (kinda anemic).  he sees a shrink daily.  He has gone from wanting to die and thinking he had not chance of ever leaving the hospital, to wanting to get better and talking a bit more.  he has dreams of wetting himself and of people holding him down/choking him while he is asleep.  one day he is great.  he will get up, eat, shower, shave, exercise, talk.  than the next day he will totally shut down.  won't talk, eat, get out of bed.  nothing.  won't even make eye contact.  i was referred to a bach flower remedy called gorse.  does anyone have any experience with bach flower remedies.  its supposed to help those who have given up all hope.  my father is different every other day.  one day good, another bad.  not too sure about the low iron.  the doc wants to do a scope and see if he's losing blood inside anywhere (ulser, etc...).  hematology is currently looking at his blood and doing analysis.  this was not an issue until he came into the hospital.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I might suggest getting him to take a good multi-spectrum probiotic.  It will help with his digestion, and antibiotics kill off the good bacteria that not only gives us immune system health but also mental health.  I don't suggest this will cure him, but I do believe it will help.  You'll find this in the refrigerated section of the supplement department in the best health food store in your area.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey there. He's not getting worse. Every test performed shows no physical or medical concern. He keeps saying it over. Asked for forgiveness for anything he may have done wrong in life. Still thinks he's dying. However he is more alert. He's eating a bit more. He has some ok times but than emotionally crashes at times. It's hard to see. We got him some new clothes and she loved them. But later got all down on himself again.  We are dealing with it but it's very hard.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
I've been thinking about you, how's your Dad doing hon?  Hopefully a lot better!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your reply.  after I left the hospital last night my mother was still around there with him.  he had a bowel movement (first one in five days).  When he was done.  He ate.  He was almost angry, kept saying he was hungry and wanting more food.  They had him on a liquid diet because he was constipated.  all they had in the room was soup, jello and juices.  he was given a sandwich and finished it in just a few bites.  This was a nice change as he hadn't eaten in two days prior to this.  One thing that was odd is that he asked my mother (after he ate) for the clothes he wore when he got to the hospital last week.  He wanted to put them on and go home.  They were sent to the wash and he got angry they were not there.  He went to bed shortly thereafter.  This morning I was back in to see him before work.  He doesn't talk or get out of bed.  He listens to me and responds with hand gestures, head nods, and shoulder shrugs.  I talk to him and he is attentive.  he follows me with his eyes.  He is now on the second full day of a new iv antibiotic piperacillin/tazobactam.  I hope this might be helping him as well.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

You're absolutely right that that kind of infection can cause dementia like symptoms, which is exactly what it sounds like he's got going on.  The good news is, that WILL resolve when the infection improves, it just may take some time.  It sounds like he's piecing info from his life (the cancer, etc) with paranoid delusions (the fear that someone is trying to harm him). He's in good hands, in a safe place.  Remember that.  I know it's stressful to see him like that!

As tough as it is, hang in there, don't push him too hard to do the things he should be doing (eating or drinking).  While he's paranoid, that will possibly make things worse.  Think about it, if you thought someone was trying to put something in your IV to harm you, how do you think you would process a bunch of people demanding you eat and drink?  The same way most likely.

Keep in close communication with your dad's medical staff, ask any questions that pop up, and ask them for advice on how to handle certain situations.  Usually, if a patient is confused and agitated, it's best to put a little distance between them and you.  I know that's not easy, but it's sometimes better for them.  Just keep an open mind and go with the flow, it won't be forever.

Best wishes to your Dad, I hope he gets better quickly.  You'll definitely see a marked improvement when the infection is clearing.  He let it go for a while, so it may be a little tougher to treat.

Update us, okay?
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Depression Community

Top Mood Disorders Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.