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Avatar universal

My fiance is...?

Five years ago, a seemingly normal man courted me.  He has a great job, great looks, is from a wealthy family, but he is only around my height, which is 5'6''.  Of course, it's not to say I care about his superficial qualities at all, but I am just trying to say he seemed like he has everything and acted very normal.  More on the height later.

He seemed to have abandon fears though.  He constantly told me I would leave him because his two exes did.  Gradually, I started to see that he gets easily annoyed about minor things.  He is kind of a selfish person and always puts himself first.  We fought a lot because of that, but I also saw that he was trying hard to not be selfish for me.  

I treat him very well.  I am accommodating, take good care of him, and he always says nobody else will treat him better.

I then found out he's been cheating on me 4 years out of the 5 we've been together.  I found out he constantly posted online to look for women, and since we are in the Bay Area, where good men outnumber women, he does not have much success.  He then went to South East Asian countries to find prostitutes, and those girls did not just have sex with him.  They think he's smart, good looking, good in bed, and rich.  They made him feel like they love him just like I do at home.  They do all the things that I do and he loves the attention.  I asked him why does he need that kind of attention?  He said because of his height, women in the US don't really care about him.  He wants to feel all the power while he plays those girls.  He said he is no longer afraid of being abandoned because among those prostitutes, he can easily find another girl who will treat him like a king if one does not work out.   He said all his "prostitute buyer" friends think he's very lucky because I am better looking than the prostitutes and I treat him very well, so it's really not our relationship that made him become like this.  I never loved him because he's a "celebrity".  I loved him as an ordinary guy because I know there are plenty, if not better guys, around me.  I just loved him out of love, not because of some superficial qualities.  He does not seem to care though.  He just enjoys all the clueless girls falling for him.

His life is spiraling out of control.  He said he's hooked to Thailand and the Pillippines , and it's not because of sex.  He said he's like a celebrity there and all girls want him because guys there are usually older and not as good looking as he is.  He said he doesn't use condoms because he has a hard time to maintain an erection as it is.  His depression makes it hard for him to become aroused.  Therefore, he is having sex with prostitutes without condoms.  

He left his corporate job to pursue a phD.  Like I said, he had a good job, but he was not happy about it.  He wants more success and more stability.  When he came to me, he said he just wants a sweet and beautiful girl who stays with him.  Once he got that, he wants attention from more girls.  He wants to feel important and famous.  It just like when he was in college, he wanted to land a great job.  After he did, he was only happy for a little bit, then he wanted more.  He's very depressed about starting the phD though because he thinks he won't be able to survive it.

He said he thinks about killing himself everyday.  He said he knows his life is heading toward abnormality, but he can't do anything about it.  He just wants to sink.  What can I do?  I am engaged to him and everyone including his whole family thinks we are happy and normal.  As crazy as it may sound, I know he hurt me a lot, but I am willing to stay by his side and try to help him except he said he doesn't want any help.  He said he wishes for an accident to happen so he can just end his life..  After reading all the characteristics, what disorder do you think he has?  Should I talk to his mother or perhaps someone else about this?  He is ashamed of his doings and told me to not tell anyone, but I don't think I can offer enough help.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
Sweetheart, you have a bigger problem than this
so-called man.  Get counseling immediately.
You demonstrate a serious lack of self-esteem and
Self-respect. If all of what you say is true, you need
to see your doctor and have blood tests for
HIV and any other veneral diseases in addition
to immediate counseling.  I feel bad that you have
reached this point, in your life, that you think
this is normal or acceptible. You are too important
of an individual to throw your life away like this.
I hope you find inner peace, acceptance and strength
to find a better life for yourself.    
Avatar universal
This man need Jesus........this problem need to be resolved before you get married to him..It seem as if you really care about him, the best thing to do is to try to help him get help for him self.....Also get your self checked!!
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