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Never felt so alone..

I've recently gone through a breakup, which wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't actually in love with the person but I was and I've never experienced such love for a person. The breakup is 50% of the problem because now I'm all alone all over again because I push everybody away from me in my life, but my family is another reason. I have to live with them again, and they don't understand my depression. My mother threatens to send me away because me discussing my problems to her stresses her out and she's pregnant so she says she'd rather have them deal with me because she can't. Her pushing me away just makes me feel like an even worse burden. Then, I'm forced to work when I don't even wanna leave my bed. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to socialize with my family anymore. I like being alone, but nobody understands this. They say since I already do nothing, that I should just work without complaint. That I have nothing to be sad over since I'm alive. I can't discuss my problems with any of them because they think it's only me overreacting from my breakup. They hated my ex anyways so they're glad it's over with. I loved having somebody else to be there with me every day because it was new for me, I felt loved. Now it's all gone. I hated myself before this, but now it's just worse. I've had depression since I was 15 and I'm 18 now. I've been to therapists and they never call me back after one visit so that's not helping me at all. I've gotten to a point where I don't even care about myself to reach out and help myself. I hate waking up in the mornings. My family is busy with the new baby so I felt like running off since they don't need me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and the fact that my mothers pregnant because she's been wanting this forever, but I hate the fact that they all just think I'm crazy. My uncle said I needed counseling behind my back to my ex. Everybody labels me here. I have nowhere to run off to, no money, no friends whatsoever. I feel like I'm all out of options. I've never felt so alone in my entire life. I feel like God has stopped with me because I've sinned so much. I'm hopeless. I just want somebody to give me some direction in my life. What am I supposed to do? I'm tired of feeling like this and this past month has just made it so much worse..
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Avatar universal
Breakups are awful for everyone, not just people with depression, when you're not the one choosing to break up.  It takes time for grief to go away.  You're very young, and any relationship you have is statistically, at least, unlikely to last to marriage at that age in this day and age.  So you just have to let time heal that part, and the above post is very smart about that -- keep busy.  It's a great time for work or school -- you'll have every bit of yourself to put into it since it's not going anywhere else.  As for the depression, the only cure we know of is therapy or just having it go away, which sometimes it does.  And therapy doesn't always work, or sometimes we never find the right therapist who is willing to work hard enough to help us.  But I'd definitely give it a few tries.
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Avatar universal
People tend to dismiss that they do not understand.  Depression is a very real disease, but it can be overcome or managed. After many years, I sought help from my doctor and my depression is managed now with drugs and life management.  Therapy did not seem to help me very much.

I would encourage you to do a few things, not in any particular order of importance; (I tend to be a bit scatter-brained.)

#1 Exercise regularly – The body’s natural endorphin production can help to counter-act some of the depressive moods.  I like to lift weights, but any activity that gets the heart pumping helps me.  A friend of mine highly recommends yoga or martial arts.

#2 Spend time doing uplifting things.  Volunteer to help others, (I spend time working for Habitat for Humanity), join a cause you feel passionate about (I would avoid politics, but I am cynical)

#3 Spend time improving on a hobby.  I took up Guitar, I am not very good, but it helps me.
#4 Avoid unnecessary negative things and people. I turned off the news and picked up a good book.  I now read at least one a week.  I also do not spend as much time with people that add to my depression or that judge me unfairly.

I am not a doctor, but I have been through these things.  They helped me.  They did not cure me.  I had to go through at least 3 doctors until I found one that was helpful.  I now take drugs for it.  If you cannot manage it on your own, get a better doctor that will call you back.

One last bit of encouragement, you are not alone.  There are a lot of people out there that have similar challenges.  Know that you can manage your depression.  You have to believe that.  Managing your life will help to reduce the suffering.  The above are just some of the things that helped me.

Lastly, I will encourage you as I do everyone to seek and find their passions in life.  Whether it is a job, a hobby, a volunteer activity, exercise, gaining knowledge, religion or politics.  Do not stop until you find it, then manage your life so you can spend the majority or your time on your passions.

Do not let yourself be labeled by others, find your own label.  What do you want yours to say?  I am TheCuree the ___________ ?  Then go make it happen.  You can do it.
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