No question.

[Poo44clooner]

Just found out that they were right about me.
I'm a freak.
I'm invisible.
No one can hear me.
So don't bother.

[whatsthepoint]

Yes I know that feeling. Get used to it, because I had to cos my councillor & family & friends gave up on me so why bother

[littlebit667]

Hon, this is an older post.  To be able to get the support you need go to the top of this page and click on the orange ask a question to copy and paste your comment.  That will start a new thread so yours won't be missed!

[AspynC]

I am having all the side effects of effexor and haven't even tried to ween my self off. My doctor wont return my calls and I cant take it anymore. Can anyone help?? Im taking 150mg capsuels once a night but would love to stop it all but after feeling all the side effects im scared. please help

[senile1]

hi. i have been off work for a few days. How are you doing?

[Poo44clooner]

Thank you for your concern.  I'm still hanging in there.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[Poo44clooner]

Thank you for thinking of me.  I really appreciate that

[innerchild09]

No worries feel free to talk about this as much as you want. Im fine with listening. Im glad you are able to get this stuff out. Its really hard for people like us who feel that they are the last in the family. Least important. Black sheaps, whatever you call us. Sorry I didnt get back to this post sooner. Anyway Im still listening.

Hope that you and everyone else posting is doing ok right now.

[innerchild09]

Hello there. Im sorry that you went through all that and your family treated you bad. Im here listening if you need to talk.

[senile1]

HI, you can talk to us. I am sorry your family has treated you bad. I was raised up beliving that family is all you got. Guess you can be my friend. Hang in there.

[Poo44clooner]

I read your story I am sorry that you have led a terrible life and still are in a lot of ways.  I hope things turn around for you and I hope that all of your pain someday is eased.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[mommy52]

OOPS... Guess I somehow sent above without knowing it. If my aunt could corner me in the kitchen, she would ask me when was I gonna pay momma back? Was I paying her any and if so how much? My g.ma said none of her business.About 2 weeks before she died she called me over and tore up mortgage/#2 papers Said if she died she KNEW aunt would try to take my house/ After death...  the look on her face !!! My Dad died next 8/91 of massive MI . At visitation, all his friends would say they didn't know he had a daughter, so I just sat like others for a short while. Next my Mom and I would be at each 75% or more, of the time. My stepfather walked out, literally and left front door standing open in the middle of the night. She had som sq. cell on butt cheek. Had to keep removing would come back. He went back to wife before Mom.That year my husband had open heart surg/ (5) CABG, My son relapsed cancer...went to Duke to have marrow harvested and cleaned then sent to Emory.On top of all this, I called home from eye doc and they said granny kept calling want them to come up there. She was mad at me. Ammonia level very high i sure. This was Christmas Eve. She died or I should say they killed her 12/25/06' Next year son's  tx cont.  and he cont. to get worse. I went back to work, 8/97, after 5 years. He relapsed in 9/97 for the last time. Wanted to go to Helen and stay in a room with fireplace along stream/river. We did. BUT after 1 night, we loaded oxygen, IV supplies and meds. Also loaded feedinggs for g-tube. Being nurse I knew he was very close to death. So close, I was afraid wouldn't make to hosp. He never wanted to be DNR. Said wasn't his time. This time he started to shed tears as I lifted him from van to wheelchair. In ER they were *****-footin with us out in open hall in ER/ Finally I reminded them he was dying..please put us in a room so he could die with some dignity. He wanted them to all they could this time except NO CPR. Got him stable enough,( 5+ hours ) and up to ICU he went. Got B/P up some. Talkig and called pastor over and told him How funeral to be, songs, everythimg. OMG!!!!!! I almost lost it. He passed 1/98, a day after youngest son's b'day.i brought him home. His death so peaceful. No Hospice===I regret. I threw self into work as did husband. 15 y/o managed youngest if needed.We adopted an 8 month old baby boy 8/2001. ( this was not to replace the death of other child.) Fast forward..He was hit by car while visiting aunt in atlanta.  Had frac. hip and was in body cast for 6 weeks.Since death of son, I have had 3 neck surgeries and 2 knees. Last work I did was Hospice RN....I was term. because poor job performance. That set depression off. They also found, what they believed is rheumatoid arthritis. They confuse for large abt of muclear meds uptake in some left ribs and some of sternum. Hgb dropped 5.0 pts in past 6 wks. to have that checked out. I take 5 "crazy" meds. That's what I joke and call them. others Fentynal 50 patch and roxicodone and 6 other meds. My family inc. extended fam., all critizice me. Say don't nrrd them. I stopped 2 days and they were TELLING me to start back taking. I realize I probably got away from topic. Felt LORD tell me to reply here. I questioned, but NEVER question GOD.  Back up some....... my Mom was depressed cause she had no money for presents for children. I gave her birthday present and some Christmas present on her b'day, 12/04/96 She took it and bought all her children gifts (towels). She bought pork tenderloins and cooked for 2 boys and families. This hurt me. I was hurt, for I was left out and my children. This is when we got mad at each other. She told my aunt that we would fuss and get angry but she knew who to call when she needed something and I would be there. I wasn't.... She had to call amb. to take her to ER 12/24, Went to see her.. told her i was sorry. said she knew i had to take care of son. She wasn't mad at me. Still I felt guilty. 3 years ago I filed for disability ssa. At last, after 30 mnths. it was approved. So thankful. Must pay back money I borrowed from those past 3 years to make ends meet. Oh !!!! failed to mention adp. son diag ADHD. I know family shamed of me. In 2003 I weighed 302#. Had GBP and lost to 173. cont. to loose.. now weigh 158#. After wt loss, it will be 8 years oct.2003. I only have 1 question....What is SEX? Reading others, I had good life. At times it was living HELL to me. Reached out for God's hand and clung on, that's the only way I made it through. I ask of you to please excuse length and if not appropriate for this site. I truly apolijize. Seems I have emptied so much out I haven't told a soul. Last my husband told me everything I would say.... it would end with something 'bout deceased child. Said he is dead and buried..time to go on with my life. Please forgive me again. I spend 90% of time saying "I'm sorry" and 10% making messes. My prayer for all....Bless us with peace, health, prosperity and give us a clear understanding of his word, May God Bless each of you.

Madlyn

[mommy52]

I so appreciate all the comments I have read. Black sheep of the family? Guess you cpuld call me the blackest Seems my brothers and I were outcasts tp spme extent. My Mom divorced// Dad paid no child support..we got evicted. Padlocks were placed on doord. Until rent was paid, we could get a thing.

So as the saying goes, "We didn't have a pot to **** in" .Excuse the language. I started with depression then I guess. See my aunt's husband was killed oct. and child born dec. She building new house and we went to live with her. My grandparents were with her to help with grief and child. My Mom worked at night. She and my 2 brothers stayed in the basement. They had a full bed and 1 dresser. Don't know where all our furniture went. See. I was allowed to stay upstairs. This made me sad. I wanted to be with my Mom and brothers. I felt like my cousins all looked down on me. In fact, I know they did. My Dad never visited until my brothers were old enough to go. He'd buy them big nice toys and I got color book and 8pk crayons. The aunt I lived with treated like a sister or her child. Sad for my brothers Felt guilty.When my Mom moved out, I stayed with aunt and g.mother. This is the living arrangement I had from 7 y/o until I married in '79.

Now I feel guilty for dumping all this. Will probably take a few more trucks to finish. Yhis has been inside me for about 48 years.Will condense. Maried in '79. Ma=Ma would give me what she could. Sold LOTS of land. Bought me a car and traded 2 more times within the next 5 years. My other aunt, the oldest, resented me. When she would come from
atlanta on the weekends she would come to visit (Sunday) she would follow me around. My grandmother finally noticed this. Aunt would ask

[senile1]

Hi, am glad to hear from you. I was getting a littled worried. You ever thought about getting out and doing volunteer work. You seem to be a very loving person, there is someone out there that would welcome you with open arms. It feels good when you do something to help others out. I am glad you have pets. I have five cats. two dogs. four horses and a bunch of cows. But my baby is a black cat named 'Shorty' . she does not have a tail. Hence the name . lol. Why don't you come up with another name besides freak of the family? Quit putting yourself down. I bet you are the fun one of the family. I am getting off work, so  i will talk to you when i get back to work to nite.

[Poo44clooner]

Thank you for your kind words, they do mean a lot to me.  I should take better care of myself and put myself first instead of dropping everything and running to my family's rescue.  It is all about guilt, if I don't do anything about it when they need help.
Yes I do have a wonderful pet.  His name is Poosho.  He is 3y/o, Jack Russell mix.  He is just the right size, not above my knees.  He is such a sweetheart and I love him so much.  He was abandoned twice and my daughter found him on the internet. Funny I swore off getting another pet but when we saw him we couldn't resist.  Every night I cuddle with him, especially when I feel alone and sad, and he lays his head on my shoulder and sighs, that's when I know he loves me too.  We have had him for over a year.  Felt like we have had him forever.  You're right pets are the best.
Hope all is well with you.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[Poo44clooner]

I am sorry if I keep harping on the same thing but I feel comfortable discussing this with you.  I think you get what I am saying.  There was another family gathering  and I had decided not to go because I was tired of their crap.  So my dad calls me and asks why I was not coming. I told him I couldn't.  So he said then who is going to do the dishes. Well God forbid my sisters-in-law or brothers might step up to the plate, no pun intended.  My confidence is not that great. I remember thinking how ugly I was growing up as a teenager and I think at about 16y/o I asked my dad if he thought I was beautiful. He said, "Angela you will always be cute but never beautiful." Needless to say I was crushed. You know I have to ask myself, why at age 50 am I still seeking his approval. I shouldn't  be doing that. Have to stop.
Hope all is going well with you.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[innerchild09]

I understand what you mean wanting to help and stuff and its good to help it really is. Still theres a line that is crossed. Its good to help people but if its getting in the way of your own mental health then I think putting yourself would be the best. Im sorry that you feel guilty not helping but truth is you are not guilty. Sometimes you need to take care of you. And plus they treat you like **** and they act like you are invisable. They dont help you when you need help. They make you feel like nothing you do is good enough. And sorry about my strong opinions today but the thing he said about obese people makes me mad. Not because you said he said that. But mad that he said something so insensitive and judgemental. He obviosly hasnt been big. of course them not having any feelings is completely rediculus. I dont know if he really believes that or is just being a jerk but if he really thinks they dont have feelings then theres something wrong with him. In fact a lot of them are probably depressed too because some arent able to do things they used to be able to do and they get tired easy and then people terrorize them and just say they are lazy and all that. Not saying everyone isnt happy whos overweight. Im sure theres a lot of people who are perfectly happy the way they are and not feeling like they need to change a thing. And then theres the ones who look in the mirror and feel ugly and worthless. And its just like OMG that someone would say something so mean. Sorry I kind of ranted a bit in your post but people like that really push my buttons. Im sorry this is the kind of things you have to hear and that he told your daughter this. Good for her defending you (plus if your just a little overweight thats not obese and even if you are obese or just a bit overweight or your skinny its just rude his comment.) I think with you i think that you sometimes see that they dont really deserve your help but your a really nice person and is willing to do anything to help and then if you dont you feel bad about it. To me that makes you a good person. I still hope you will put your needs first. Just letting you know Im still listening.

[Poo44clooner]

Thank you for thinking of me it does mean a lot.  I know that when your family members consider you as invisible, less than they are, a mess, your feelings don't matter or even your thoughts. It hurts when my dad continually tells me that he feels sorry for my teenage daughter because she has no parents. I said I am her mother, he said, yea, but look at you.  Also, it's great when my dad tells my daughter that people who are obese don't have feelings and my daughter tried to defend me.  I used to be thin but still that wasn't good enough for him, it was always something.  I told him when I was in my 20s that I wanted to work in a lab and he said in a very hurtful way "Why be a janitor when you can be a doctor?"  I became a Clinical Laboratory Scientist for 15 years, it was never good enough.  If I tell my mother or father something that they should know they don't believe me but when either my older or younger brother says the same exact thing, they think he is a genius.  During family gatherings, doesn't matter if  both my brothers' wives were at the table, I was instructed in front of everyone to get up and start clearing the table and do the dishes and while I'm doing the dishes, I hear him yelling "get the coffee started, get the milk out, fruit and the cake."  No one helps.  Happens every single time.  I have more examples like this.  I am there but invisible, but when they need help I live 5 minutes away from my parents and they call me first because they know that I would and do drop everything and race over there to help especially if they are hurt.  My teenage daughter brought this to my attention and has tried to stop me from doing this.  I just can't stop trying to help people, I start to feel guilty.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[senile1]

Hi, I know it ***** being left out, but don't let it get you down. you don't want to be sick all the time.I have depression and the panic attacks, and they are awful.Been there. I don't know you, but i enough to care that you don't want go down that road. You have a friend right here, ME! good or bad. I think something is very wrong if your family treats you that way. you sound like you are a very sweet person,with a lot of love to give. I don't have a lot of friends either. have you tried getting you a pet? I have two cats and i love them dearly. They will be a lot of company for you. Mine make life a little easier.

[innerchild09]

Thank you, Yeah I think family can push your buttons. In my case I dont think its what they were doing. I think I was forgotten. I dont see them that much but still it does hurt when your own family doesnt think about how you feel. Its like they dont even notice.

I hope talking about it has helped. Im sorry that you are going through so much. I understand why this is depressing. Im sure if you had it your way everything would be wonderful with your family and there wouldnt be anyone being left out or treated differentally. I know I wish things were good with my family but truth is its not and I cant really do anything about it. To me I think of family like ours dysfunctional family.

I know what you mean feeling like that no matter what you try to do or no matter the choice either way you lose. Thats how I feel. Not just with family but really anything I go for. Feels like no matter what I choose it ends up hurting me more.

And you are welcome hope my post helped some. And no you are not forgotten.

[Poo44clooner]

Sorry to hear about the passing of your uncle and how your family did not give you a chance to write your final goodbyes to him.  Sometimes families hurt you the most because they know which buttons to push.  I hope you get to feeling better about it.
Sounds like we're 2 peas in a pod.  I heart aches so much that I cannot see my parents, it has already affected my depression, and it is getting pretty bad. I am also feeling like I have the flu and my stomach hurts so much I can't eat. Stopped exercising and doing all those other good things that made me joyful inside.  It is a no win situation.  I lose either way.
Thanks for spending a few minutes in sharing your day with me and reminding me that I am not forgotten.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[innerchild09]

Im sorry that you have nightmares if you stay away from your family. I dont know but I was wondering do you think you feel guilty when you dont see them? I was wondering cuz maybe thats why you are having these dreams. Still I think it sounds like minus the dreams part that staying away might be the best choice if you feel your own mental health is worse being around them because you should do whats best for you and if it means keeping the family in your life or avoiding them a lot. Maybe not forever if that helps but just dont see them as much. Just what I was thinking. Still I know nightmares arent a good thing either. Hopefully youll be able to get some peaceful sleep weather you avoid them or not.

Just wanted to share a bit of my resent feeling like a freak of the family. So recentally I had an uncle who passed away. So I wasnt aware of but everyone was writing notes and stuff as in memorial for this memory book. No one bothered to tell me about it at all. I would have put my own thoughts in it. It upset me a lot when I found out and I started crying cuz no one bothered to tell me about it. So I wasnt even able to write my own memory thing for him. Even my mom knew about it.

Anyway Im listening and I understand how you feel.

[Poo44clooner]

I am glad to know that I am not alone. For now I will have to stay away for my own mental health, but I really love my mother and father so much. When I stay away I get terrible nightmares and awful panic attacks, waking up unable to breathe.  Then I have to go see them and it makes me feel better.
Can't win for losing.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[innerchild09]

Im so sorry that your family makes you feel this way and they wont even listen to you. That is really hard. I understand what its like to feel like the freak of the family. I feel really uncomfortable talking about my issues with them cuz I dont feel they understand. They havent actually called me a freak but I feel like they treat me differently. Its really hard. I know its hard to not be around family cuz you know they are family but if its really that bad then maybe not seeing them is the best thing you can do for you. Either that or just try to ignore their ignorance and dont let what they say pull you down.

[senile1]

I think you need to move on with your life. I know it hurts to be rejected. What is the deal with them? I think that whatever their problem is with you, that they should at least talk to you.Just by talking to you, they act like you have done something awful. Whatever  it is, you got to forgive. Maybe you need to forgive them and start over somewhere new. You sound like a very nice person. They may get you really depressed, and it is not worth it. Get out, make some new friends and quit calling yourself a freak.