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Avatar universal

Please Help.

- Female
- 28 years old
- 5’2
- 100lbs
- No history of smoking
- Alcohol use on a rare basis (one glass of wine per month-ish)
- No recreational drug use
- Current medication: Lamotrigine (100mg/day), Clonazepam (3mg/day - 2mg in the morning, 1mg before bed), birth control

*There’s a lot of history here, but I feel like it’s necessary*

I have a history of severe anxiety, however, prior to this issue beginning, by the time I turned about 14, it was well-controlled with SSRIs (2 total, I believe over that time period), as well as a small dose (1/2-1mg) of Lorazepam for use as-needed (very rarely used).

For 14 years, I lived a normal life, finished high school and college, held a steady job, was married, had a baby (born 08/19), bought a house, etc., and though there were challenges, because life, I was doing well.

The “doing well” lasted through October 2021. Halloween was super fun, we were looking at having another baby, looking to buy a bigger house, etc. Life was good.

But in early November, everything changed, seemingly overnight. My anxiety meds stopped working entirely, and I developed really severe depression and OCD.

I’ve attended weekly therapy since I was 11 years old, and still do. My psychiatrist and I tried courses of 10+ (I lost count) SSRIs, a few SNRIs, 2 mood stabilizers, a number of antipsychotics/complex antipsychotics, and multiple benzodiazepines to get this debilitating depression, anxiety, and OCD under control, but taking meds is suddenly like taking sugar pills. They have LITERALLY no effect. It’s very strange.

I’ve also completed a full course of TMS, and tried Ketamine treatments, but both were entirely ineffective as well. As if I had done nothing.

I don’t know what to do anymore, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this. It’s been close to a year of self-harm, countless suicide attempts, partial hospitalization programs, inpatient hospitalization programs, alongside my usual outpatient “maintenance” care, and I’m worse than I’ve ever been and getting worse each day.

I don’t understand how in October ‘21, I was a happy, functional and productive mother/wife/member of society, and seemingly overnight in November ‘21, I turned into this severely depressed, treatment-resistant and suicidal patient, having 5-6 panic attacks a day, “self-medicating” by cutting up my arms, legs, stomach, chest, etc. on a regular basis, and displaying such severe symptoms of OCD, that my husband is considering taking my son and leaving because I’ve become incapable of living with others.

Please help. Provide some answers. I miss the old me. I miss being happy. No one understands why nothing is working for me.

I need help.
2 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
Gosh, this is so hard to read. I am so sad things happened this way for you. I am just going to ask a couple of things. I hope this is okay. first, have you ever been evaluated for autism? You are an adult now but would still be good information. With females, it is much harder to diagnose and often isn't. And with autism, as a spectrum, people can be chugging along functioning and still be dealing with things related to autism. OCD is common to overlap with autism as well as sometimes, it is fixed thinking of autism and not ocd. WITH autism, especially that has never been diagnosed, autistic burn out can happen and it is debilitating. It requires almost complete removal from life in order to get over it. There is regression in skills and abilities, feels so awful and very much like a depressive spiral. It can last years, unfortunately, if one doesn't know what it is and some skills are harder to get back after. Knowing if this is the case is helpful to rebuild life back and work things so that it doesn't happen again. so, just throwing that out there. If you'd like some things to think about with this or any links, let me know.

Second, have you had gensite testing done? We found this helpful with my son. We found out about metabolism difficulties with some meds. And also that he has a gene mutation that doesn't allow him to metabolize folic acid so he takes L methylfolate which helps tremendously. Having this gene mutation is linked to mental health issues.

Third, have you had your thyroid and other hormone levels checked?

Forth, have you considered the theory that is out there related to gut health and mental health that is out there? That this is piece of the puzzle.

Fifth, have you ever read about adrenal fatigue? We did do things related to this with my son and myself and they helped.

Sixth, in the area of therapy? Have you done ERP therapy? This is the gold standard for ocd. What type of ocd do you have? Thought ocd or other types?
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
I really feel for you. PLEASE visit a Functional Medicine doctor who will help you get to the real ROOT CAUSE of the problem. The first thing to investigate with emotional distress is to rule out any possible PHYSICAL causes. Hormones have EVERYthing to do with emotional health. If you have not fully checked out your endocrine system and hormone levels this could be a real culprit. Please research which vitamins and mineral deficiencies contribute to depression and anxiety. These deficiencies can also wreak havoc in the mind and body, and remedying them is a healthy and easy solution. After that, write down ANY person in your environment who makes you feel bad after being around them and make changes to not have them around. This is life-saving, literally. Ruling out negative people in your life can create big impact. Unfortunately, psychotropic drugs are NOT helping you find the ACTUAL cause of your troubles. They simply mask symptoms AT BEST, and create new problems, such as Tardive Diskenesia (long term psychotropic drug use creates a breakdown of the central nervous system). Ruling out these other causes will help I'm sure.  I wish you well!
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