Please help

[ontheedge42]

im afraid i'll get locked up if I admit how suicidal iam. i have a 14 yr old that would have nowhere to go as his father is out of state and recently released from prison(for I don't know what), so that option is out of the question. I am tired of having to worry about my family when all i want to do is just fn give up. i dont recieve any finaciall support from ex and welfare wont keep me from getting evicted. i cant find a job and have been on probably every med out there this past yr and nothing seems to help. i recently had cancer surgery and caN NO LONGER do my former job. i have no skills and at 42 i cant see how i could go back to school and hold down a mc **** job and manage to keep my sanity.Let alone a parent to a teen that gives me nothing but greif. i lost my mother this past yr unexpectatly from brain cancer and i am paralyzed with fear of my cancer coming back. My boyfriend of 8 yrs and I seperated(living together) because he wont get a F/T job and I dont think thats fair considering all im going thru. I have always pulled my own weight but now i cant and hes not as kind about it as i would expect. i would like to go back to school but he wont get a FT job to help me achieve that. Over the last year I have sold almost every thing I own to help with the bills and i even managed to get a job but physically couldnt do it anymore i dont know what to do. i keep thinking that my son would be better off in a foster home than to live with a freak of a mother. My oldest son dropped out of school and recently made me a grandmother. i dont feel any happiness ablut this situation. i had hopes that he would go to college and not be poor like me.i just want to die.

[Mistygirl]

I like the psychs advise. But tell me, my kids have been raised with this woman of anxiety and panic attacks from the effexor and the withdrawls through pregnancy and major life distruction. My 3 1/2 yr old and my 10 yr old exhibit these behaviors for daily fits and unwillingness. What can I do to teack them better that this is not how we handle situations. I have not been having panic attacks so often now, but once in a while I do and they are screaming and crying bursts.

Believing in God is the one and only thing that has kept me in this world for my kids. I now have 3 and have been in a similar situation. While I was going thru my withdrawls from effexor, my brand new husband got me preg. since he was also in the middle of loosing his son to his jealous ex. Then thinking that my withdrawls were an excuse to get out of housework and my home business, he decided that I was a fake and left me to have a baby by myself. He came back after she was born, but I'm still not the same from dealing with all he has put me thru.

He can keep a job for about 6 - 8 mos and has to take a month or few off. He has had more pressure because of my problems and has a low stress tolarance. He has been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure since I got preg. the first time. We are sepatated now since he has given up on me again. Part of me doesn't blame him for my lack of being able to control my life with ease and a smile like I did when he met me.

My family has no interest in things that do not benefit them and I really have no friends. I have been on the suicide tip off and on for 4 1/2 yrs. I know that I can't do it because I believe in God and my kids would have no one. I've thought of foster care too, but nothing guarantees that they will find a loving family. There are lots of people out there willing to let kids come stay with them for an extra pay check from the government. Kids get locked in closets and beaten and raped in foster care, too. Not to say there are not great foster homes out there, but it's like a box of chocolates. Besides, our kids know and love us, even if they don't like us sometimes and get mad. All that can be worked out.

A pesamistic attitude breads distruction and ends up costing more money and wasting time. Find a church and go there as close to every Sun. as possible. It is like recharging your batteries once a week. Take vitamins and exercise. Make yourself. Your children will see the changes and the effort you put out to make what changes you can and then they will eventually follow if they see you stick with it.

I don't know where you are, but I know that if you get involved with a loyal church, they can help you with more than you would think, and going is the best thing you could do for your kids because they will see you come up in life. You have to have a attitude of "it is possible and I have to get to the top of the water". I wish I could get my husband to figure that out because everytime he gives up it is right before a breakthrough. Then we fall right back to the bottom. If he would just keep going when it gets tough, he would see great rewards. I pray that you do see great things for your life. I have confidence that if you keep going and don't let lifes surprised stop you in your tracks, you will become self sufficient and your kids can love you for doing the best you can!!  

[azwo]

Next time a Jehovah's Witness comes to your door.....let them in! It's the truth and nothing but the truth. If you heart is in the right place and you need answers they can help you find them for yourself. All other religions have left me in a state of wonder. The JW's teach from the Bible and nothing but the word of God. I have anxiety and all the crazy thoughts that go with it and through their organization I have hope and happiness. All the cult **** you have heard of them is not true and I can't tell you enough how bad we need God in this horrible world. I am not fooling myself anymore and none of you need to keep fooling yourselves either.

Trust me, I have researched everything I have been reading from every Bible under the sun, this is the truth! Pray for the right direction and it will come to you....that's what happened to me :) knock knock

[Taffycat]

First, stay on THIS side of the edge.  You CAN get through this.  I am a School Psychologist, and hear parents' difficulties all the time.  You have gone through a lot.  Allow yourself to believe that "hey, this sucks, but I can get through it".  Try making a list of your top 2 priorities that you want to get under control first.  Choose things that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.  Once you choose these areas to "target", write down everything that you can think of to handle the problem.  Make one column "long term" and one "short term" (i.e., things I can do RIGHT NOW, TODAY).  Then get on it.  The most wonderful thing is that you have 1.) recognized you have these major issues, and 2.) recognize that you need help.  And you have reached out on this forum.  BIG STEPS in the right direction.  

As for your child.  He is going through his own difficulties and changes.  Does he have another adult friend/mentor who can help him (and you) out, by him spending time with him or her?   Ask your child who he feels comfortable with and try to set something up so that the burden isn't all on you.

As for your boyfriend of a gazillion years - MOVE ON!  You deserve someone better who can contribute.  But for now, do it on your own.  Gain your independence.

JUST DO IT!  Good luck.