Please help....I am pregnant and really VERY depressed

[Jeni26]

I'm not depressed about being pregnant!....I am actually really happy that i have a baby on the way. My depression lies  with my husband. We've been married now for 2 years and dated for 4 prior to marriage, we were sooo happy together but ever since i've found out that i'm expecting hes changed! He argues with me about every thing and always blames it on me and most recently he has said that no one loves me or wants me. He just keeps saying that. I've run my self right into the ground and don't know what to do. I am so alone!! We moved to another country 6 months ago and i hardly know any one here there is no one i can talk to. Every day its a new arguement with him....i am so worried for my baby, i try and stay happy and i am when he's not here but when he is i get all scared. I try keeping out of his way so we don't argue but even that starts him off.

I'm not even sure if its me thats doing any thing wrong....i've asked him so many times and all i get is i'm a liar and i don't do any thing for him and ever since i've fallen pregnant i don't have intercourse with him. How can i sleep with him if i'm so scared of him and what he'll say.

Please help i really have no one here to talk to.

[Melay2009]

Where is your Father? Brother? Friend? I tell you what if that ever happend to some one I cared about I would be kicking some BUTT! Seriously.... Put your foot down there is a lot of help out in the world... GET OUT! Or your kids will be crying themselves to sleep.. they deserve better and so do you! God Bless! Be safe!

[el_dave]

Not all men are selfish, horrible creatures. Some are, obviously, but you may find it difficult finding a better man if you keep thinking we're all the same. My girlfriend's husband has been very bad to her, but he is very good to the children (too good, in fact.. all discipline and such is Mommy's responsibility, Daddy is for playing video games with and like that). However, since she told him he should start looking for a place to live he's straightened up quite a bit. Sometimes you might think about telling the dude to shape up or ship out. Sure, he's sorry that he's a ******* but that's no excuse to continue being one, not when you and the baby are paying for it. I'm really sorry that in your case he got worse after the baby arrived, but honestly, that's not necessarily what's always going to happen. There's a type of guy that pushes women around, and what my wife and I did was to raise our daughters to be unpushable. Because they're unpushable, the sort of fellow who pushes women around never had a chance, and both now have wonderful gentlemen that their father loves and respects. One of our girls did once have a boyfriend that tried to be pushy, even tried to resort to violence at one point.. however, when he pulled a knife, she pulled a gun, just as her Mom taught her to do. He vamoosed for easier prey. When you let it all get to you, to the extent that it affects your physical health, you're not doing yourself or your baby any good. Sounds to me as though you've allied yourself with a guy that's in need of a serious wake-up call.

My girlfriend's husband convinced her that she was unattractive, not too bright, and at fault for everything that ever went wrong. In reality, she is so gorgeous nothing I say could be an overstatement, she's one of the most intelligent people I've ever known, and her only fault is having the low self-esteem that allowed him to convince her otherwise. When I first met her, her term for herslf was "loser". Once she stopped being Jane to his Tarzan, once she let him know that she is no one's doormat, things got better and are still getting better. Heck, I could end up losing my girlfriend to her husband, which would be a wonderful thing indeed.

I don't mean to stick my selfish, horrible male nose in, but just had to make some noise. In any event, we do wish you the very best of  luck.. well, no, you make your own luck.. but we do hope for a happy outcome for you and your child.

[aarroyo]

let me tell you after the  babys born it gets worse.have you read my post today about my life?read it!i just had my baby a mth ago you need to pm me and i will share with you what to expect if you stay with him.men are selfish horrible creatures ive been crying for a week strait if they hurt you purposely when you are carrying thier child they will continue when you have it but much worse anyway my child was born with a heart defect the doc told me it could be from stress when he was in womb and now i found out i have a murmur too im betting from stress also this DOES affect the baby.i am alone as well i moved a year ago dont know anyone have no friends here either now i have a baby and a boyfriend that treats me like ****.i told him last nght i wish he would punch me in the face that would hurt less.i am seriously thinking about leaving and when i tell him he says he knows hes a ******* hes sorry thats how he is.we dont deserve this we can find better men please please please stay in touch

[el_dave]

First baby for him? I've no idea if it will do any good, and I know it's different, but when I was advised of our first pregnancy I was a bum who lived to party, ride my bike, raise Cain, go trough the motions of making babies (certainly not for the sake of having a baby, though), get high, and generally just try to become an even bigger nobody than I already was. I didn't take it out on my wife, who is very handy with sharp intruments and not to be trifled with, but I do remember that I sure felt sorry for her 'cuz I knew that kid was going to cut down on her partying time a lot. I did get over my hangover enough to ride my bike out out and see the kid, though, after all, even though I couldn't stand snot nosed little doody geysers this one was, after all, my wife's child and so what the heck, right? Cut the Ol' Lady some slack, the bars stay open late.

They gave me the baby to hold, and I did.

So I walked out of that little nursery thing, got my wife to cut my hair, I cleaned me up, went out and bought some decent clothing and a car, shaved, got a job, and I changed the baby and fed the baby and loved that baby more than I realized anything could ever be loved. And still do (well, not change her, of course).

Anyway, for what it's worth, there it is.

[Jeni26]

Thank you so very much for your advise. I will speak to him about the way i feel and keep you updated.

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi Jeni26,

Congratulations with the pregnancy! That's got to be really great! For me, becoming pregnant tided me over one entire season of being depressed. It was my baby and I, all the way.
Of course it was a major adjustment and it didn't come over the night!
Becoming a father isn't any easier at all, but!!! That is not an excuse for calling you a liar and tell you that you're not loved by anyone!! That is the worst thing I've heard! It sounds without a question like you're afraid of him and his words - you do say that straight out. That is not what a marriage is supposed to be.

Can someone maybe inform him (maybe you can?) on your behalf that that's road #1 to mental abuse?!!! He needs to hear it, and if he doesn't realize it - this is the very first time I am saying this to anyone online: You need to get out and away. (I promised myself that I'd never say that online because things can really change if the communication is a two-way).

You are not supposed to be afraid of sleeping with your husband. If he isn't made aware of that he's going that way, he gets no chances.
Kids are supposed to have sweet, caring fathers who love their mothers.

To stay strong through this dear you, get help from your midwife, ask him/her to help you get in touch with someone who you can talk to. This is for you and for the child.

Everyone has ups and downs but when it takes several weeks for a man to adjust to the change of becoming a father, it's got to be hurried.

Being beaten with words is worse than being beaten by a hand. Bail out. There are no excuses. Give him a date, ask if he really loves you and if he's ready for becoming a father. If the answer is no, there are better men out there.

Do absolutely stay in touch!

I'll hear you out - been there, done that! (My husband did grow up but it took me to ask him for a divorce and that was the hardest thing I could ever have done, thinking of my daughter). But goodness he opened is eyes as he started thinking of custody....

Florena