We are very sorry you are going through a bad time. Please speak to your doctor about depression and your suicidal thoughts for help. We've sent you some resources to help with that.
Have you gone to a doctor to get tested? It doesn't sound like it. You say you changed after one night of your life and that one night has so affected you that you want to commit suicide. Really? One experience was all it took to get you there? I'm going to guess something wasn't going so well before that night. I'm guessing you have some biases (it's okay, we all have some) about transsexuals that are causing you emotional pain. So here's the thing -- you can find out about STDs by seeing a doc and getting tested, but you can't do that by worrying. And you have some issues that you need to deal with. A professional therapist would be a good place to start. And if you really have been pushed to consider suicide you need help immediately, so are you really or are you exaggerating some? It's okay, we all do that sometimes too. My underlying point is, there is something going on with you deeper and probably longer lasting than one night's exploits. That is what you should focus on. Look at this as an opportunity to grow and learn, not as the end of the world. Peace.
Calmdown, I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. Instead of asking why you did that, how about asking why your reaction is so strong? What you are feeling as temporary, suicide is not. My knee-jerk reaction is to "throw in the towel" when I've done something that I criticize myself harshly for. Say a friend or a stranger comes up to you and tells you they did what you did. How would you react? What would you say? You've learned you don't want to do this again. Check that off your bucket list. ;-) Seriously, there is more to you than this one act. Write down 5 things you love about yourself today, right now. Tomorrow pick another 5. Today may be hard. It may be you like your biceps and your toenails are groomed to perfection. With more practice, you will find you are thinking less negative things about you and spend more time searching for the good to write on your list. Take control by going to a counselor and a clinic. Get tested for STDs and talk to them about your health problem. Go to someone new if you don't feel comfortable going to your regular health provider. You can get through this, but not alone. There are people out there, professionals and others, who will see you for you and not judge you by this one act. Please don't sum up your life by this one thing. It's going to be okay. You are okay. Post an update please, I'd like to know how you are feeling now. <3
Problém is that I don’t think I am normal because I did what I did. And this is not normal, I feel very dirty and definitely not normal. Do you think when person do this, although he has girlfriend and normal life, family, everything, is he normal ?
It is not normal and I am also suffering with health problem due to that session ... nobody knows what’s wrong with my body