Feeling hopeless.

[genamarie]

I'm a week over 8 months pregnant, the man who got me pregnant broke up with me before I even knew I was pregnant, and after finding out, I told him and all he said was that he wasn't going to do anything for me, and to pretty much go to hell.
At the beginning of my pregnancy I started dating another man who knew right off the bat (as I told him the first time we actually hung out together, even though we had talked before and pretty much worked together, he didn't know until I told him) but we started dating after he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Things took off with him, we fell in love, he wanted to be their when my son is born, even in the delivery room, and saw my son as his own, and he planned out a future for us. He wanted to get me a ring, once my son was born he wanted to start looking at houses to get one together, he wanted to get married, he wanted to eventually a few years from now have a baby together.
After him being around the whole pregnancy just about, being there while I was hospitalized for a month and a half, he would even sneak behind the nurses backs to lay in the bed and cuddle with me because we both felt better sleeping that way and they didn't want him in the bed with me to spark preterm labor again.
Last Friday, when I hit 8 months, they released me from the hospital to continue bed rest at home. He stayed with me that night, but wasn't originally planning to because he had plans to go out that were cancelled, so he ended up getting to stay with me. Everything was fine.
Saturday night I was home texting him while he was at the bar at his dad's band's gig with a friend of his. I texted him asking if he'd come over the next day, and he said he would. I asked him if he'd stay with me again, and he said he couldn't, that he had plans with his friend. It upset me, I don't know if it's just the hormones of pregnancy, but I got upset, and texted him saying that I couldn't do it anymore, I was tired of feeling like he didn't want to be with me, and that he was free (basically breaking up with him). Well as soon as I sent it, I sent another text saying I'm sorry, and I didn't mean it, and that I was just upset, and I don't want to break up, but all he said was "wow, you think I'm always doing something wrong when I'm not, and thanks for setting me free though (:".
That was the last I heard of him. It's been almost a week. And after trying to contact him just about every day since to apologize, tell him how I feel about him, and seem desperate by begging him just to answer, I've gotten no answer. I hadn't contacted him Tuesday until today (Friday) when I ended up just asking to have something back as I can tell he's done with me for good, and probably getting rid of stuff I gave him.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. But basically I'm hitting a spiraling depression. I feel hopeless. I've been battling depression for as long as I can remember throughout my life. And every time, once it gets this bad, all I want to do is sleep, and I feel suicidal and do nothing but cry when I'm awake. I don't know what to do. Of course I'd never kill myself with a baby growing inside me, I just feel hopeless enough to not want to be around anymore.

[nursegirl6572]

For one, I never said it was all your fault.

When it comes to matters like these, we can only be responsible for ourselves, which means we have to be in control of these kinds of situations.  It's a done deal now, and not worth worrying about, it's just an opportunity for you to reflect and learn that it's good to take things a little slower (especially when you add the pregnancy in there)..you always have to look out for yourself.

You're going to feel sad for a while about this...but like I said, focus on the good things going on, and definitely seek some help for the depression.  You said you've battled it for a while...pregnancy hormones certainly don't help...but either way, it needs addressed.

Life is all about trial and error and learning from the things we could have done better.  Set your expectations high, especially because from now on, you'll have a child to consider.  It will all be okay...you'll see.

None of the above is meant to be a criticism or judgement...just advice.

[genamarie]

Yes I realize we moved quickly, that was never my intention. Before I knew it, it just happened. I find it horrible that I have to be constantly subject to discrimination like I'm the only one who brought it on just because I'm a woman. He wanted the relationship. He fought for it when I wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do. I ended up agreeing to date him because I saw how caring he was. He wanted to be there for me. He started all the stuff about wanting things to be more than they were. He wanted things for our future together. I agreed to it. Yes I'm heartbroken, but I don't see how I should get most of the blame from everyone as if I pushed for it the whole time and it was just me. I honestly wish I was a guy so that I could get away with hurting someone and not taking responsibility for it. Life seems so much easier for the other side. I'm not getting angry with you, I just don't see how everyone feels It's strictly my fault, and not in the least bit his.

[nursegirl6572]

Sweetheart...you need to just do YOU for a while.  I understand that this is hard, and you are going to feel sad and upset for a while, but to be very honest with you...you moved WAY too fast (both of you).  You're 8 months pregnant, your baby and you need to be your first priority.

You jumped from one relationship into another one, and let it get intense quickly.  While there isn't anything super wrong with that, it makes a person vulnerable.  It's one thing to get into that kind of intense relationship when no baby is involved, but when a baby is in the picture, it changes the dynamic a lot, and Mom must be ultra careful.  The last thing you want to do when pregnant is make yourself vulnerable.  It would have been so much better just to go slow.  I'm sure friends or family had similar concerns for you.

I'm not sure how old you are, or how old this guy is, but taking on another man's baby in a brand new realtionship IS a heck of a committment.  I have no doubt that he was promising you the world, but again, it would have been better to be more cautious with this.  Now you're in a hard spot, and feeling horribly.  Let me just say too, that after all of those promises he made to you, if he can walk away that easily, thank your lucky stars it happened when it did, and not after your baby developed an attachment to him.  That was a cruddy thing to do for sure.

Young girls these days place SO much importance on having a man in their lives.  I'm not directing that at you, just speaking generally.  Don't be one of those girls...make a life for YOU and for BABY, and then, down the line if you find a man who deserves you both, and you spend some time easing into a serious relationship, then go for it.  Set the bar super high hon.

Of course you know to seek help immediately if you feel you're in danger of harming yourself.  I know this is hard, and I know it hurts, but it WILL get better.  Don't let this guy overhshadow such an amazing and magical time in your life.  You're getting ready to have your baby...dive into that head first.  Occupy your time and your mind with all baby thoughts and plans.  Lean on your friends and family for support, and allow yourself to grieve the relationship.  Don't chase after him...he's sending you a message loud and clear with the words he isn't speaking.  He's not as trustworthy and dependable as you thought.  If he was, he wouldn't have left you hanging, upset and pregnant.  Even if he wanted to end it with you, he should have had the maturity and decency to have a face to face discussion with you so you could have had some closure.

You deserve so much better than that.  You'll get over him, trust me.  It was 8 months out of a VERY long life ahead of you dear.  Take care sweetie!  You're in my thoughts....post anytime.  We're here for you.