Aa
Self loathing
I think I'm just completely unloveable. 28 and never had a proper relationship. Men just use me and I let them. I'm a mess.
There's some great feedback in this thread.
There are some LOUSY people in this world, and that stinks. I happen to believe that the good people outnumber the lousy, but you're not meeting them.
Maybe it's time to consider re-inventing your social life - change your patterns, where you go, who you hang out with. Do activities you haven't done before, where you're likely to meet new people. Join a gym, take a class (even if it's a craft/hobby class), go to a sporting event, volunteer for a charity... anything new is good.
And before you leave the house, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'm amazing. Any guy would be LUCKY to get to know me, and I'm not giving that gift to just anybody." When you're out in public, smile at everyone, even if you don't feel like it.
I went through a period like this, and once I changed my patterns (I was in a rut) and started treating myself right, so did other people.
There are some LOUSY people in this world, and that stinks. I happen to believe that the good people outnumber the lousy, but you're not meeting them.
Maybe it's time to consider re-inventing your social life - change your patterns, where you go, who you hang out with. Do activities you haven't done before, where you're likely to meet new people. Join a gym, take a class (even if it's a craft/hobby class), go to a sporting event, volunteer for a charity... anything new is good.
And before you leave the house, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'm amazing. Any guy would be LUCKY to get to know me, and I'm not giving that gift to just anybody." When you're out in public, smile at everyone, even if you don't feel like it.
I went through a period like this, and once I changed my patterns (I was in a rut) and started treating myself right, so did other people.
Meeting people on line is a nightmare. It lacks so much. There is a veil of secrecy meeting someone on line. That could be the worlds biggest ogre on the other side. Anyone can post a picture and make up a good story about who they want to be.
Meeting people in person avoids some of that, but even that isn't fool proof. if you meet someone in person, at least that person is standing in front of you. You can watch their body language. You can watch their facial expressions, You can get a feel as if they are really interested in the same things you are, but again... even this isn't fool proof.
You can spend 5 years talking to someone on line and really assume that you know that person. When you meet this person in person finally, they just might not be what you had envisioned..... then what?
Meet people in person, doing the things you like to do. Right off the bat, you'll at least have that in common. But still.... time is necessary and even time isn't fool proof.
Meeting people in person avoids some of that, but even that isn't fool proof. if you meet someone in person, at least that person is standing in front of you. You can watch their body language. You can watch their facial expressions, You can get a feel as if they are really interested in the same things you are, but again... even this isn't fool proof.
You can spend 5 years talking to someone on line and really assume that you know that person. When you meet this person in person finally, they just might not be what you had envisioned..... then what?
Meet people in person, doing the things you like to do. Right off the bat, you'll at least have that in common. But still.... time is necessary and even time isn't fool proof.
I know it is easy to jump to the conclusion that I go out a lot to meet guys and drink too much but that is not true. I have met several men online though. And he was married. I genuinely didn't know as I didn't think he would lie. I did sleep with him too early though.
I think a common theme being brought up here is about time. It really does take time to build a "proper relationship". I used to manage a popular bar/nightclub in our area. I watched numerous people throw themselves at members of the opposite sex on too many occasions to count. I can't think of one of those "relationships" that went for the long haul.
There is an old saying that you are probably familiar with... "you get out of it what you put into it.". I personally believe that relationships are that way. If you don't spend a lot of time developing the relationship, you aren't going to get a lot out of it. I do think that there is something to "love at first sight" but I don't think you can base the relationship just on that. There are too many things that you don't know about that other person.
Maybe they look great, maybe they have pretty eyes, maybe they have a wonderful voice.... all of that is very appealing. But what if that person is a big drinker? What if that person has a gambling problem? What if that person is an abuser? Those are things you won't find out on the first date..... Time.... Time....
And maybe there is something to over analyzing things. Sometimes things are best kept at face value and don't need to be analyzed.... another old saying (of Buddhist origin) is... "it is what it is". As simplistic as that sounds, duds are often duds. They don't require analysis....
I don't think you are the mess you think you are. I think you need to take a good honest look at yourself and what you have to offer, and what you expect out of a relationship. I think you need to spend more time getting that squared away and the rest will come when you are more sure of you.
There is an old saying that you are probably familiar with... "you get out of it what you put into it.". I personally believe that relationships are that way. If you don't spend a lot of time developing the relationship, you aren't going to get a lot out of it. I do think that there is something to "love at first sight" but I don't think you can base the relationship just on that. There are too many things that you don't know about that other person.
Maybe they look great, maybe they have pretty eyes, maybe they have a wonderful voice.... all of that is very appealing. But what if that person is a big drinker? What if that person has a gambling problem? What if that person is an abuser? Those are things you won't find out on the first date..... Time.... Time....
And maybe there is something to over analyzing things. Sometimes things are best kept at face value and don't need to be analyzed.... another old saying (of Buddhist origin) is... "it is what it is". As simplistic as that sounds, duds are often duds. They don't require analysis....
I don't think you are the mess you think you are. I think you need to take a good honest look at yourself and what you have to offer, and what you expect out of a relationship. I think you need to spend more time getting that squared away and the rest will come when you are more sure of you.
One thing that might help is if u have sex too quickly you may want to wait awhile before giving in. If the guy really cares he will want to be with you and get to know u and respect you for waiting. I'm no expert but trying to help. Also, it's how u conduct yourself, your mood, the friends you keep. For example if u go to bars a lot that can b a turn off to a guy I think because he may not want a potential wife in the bar. I don't know u or your life style. I'm only trying to help. I think a lot of guys aren't worth the energy it takes to think about them. I hope u find a good one. All the best!!!!!! Hobby
If you are being used by men then you are allowing them to use you.The balls in your court.At the end of the day it's you who is incharge.There are plenty of nice men out there,look for one--all the best.
I think I over analyse things. Read into little things too much. Like I said, men either see me as a friend only or a casual partner. But never someone worth more than that. I seem to attract married guys. Recently the guy I was seeing and really liked turned out to have a wife and kids. I honestly didn't know. Feel so stupid and used.
Wait a minute.
Be honest.... what is it that you think you are doing wrong? Look back at past relationships, and what is it that you think you've done wrong?
Be honest.... what is it that you think you are doing wrong? Look back at past relationships, and what is it that you think you've done wrong?
I just don't know what I keep doing wrong. I'm just the girl who is fine for a while but never to fall for.
I'm sorry that you feel this way. I just want to point something out to you, and I am by no means trying to minimize your situation....
This is changeable. You hold the cards. You can decide what to give in a relationship and whom to give it too. You can change the idea of "being used". You deserve to get what you want out of a relationship, so spend some honest time with yourself and find out what you really want in a relationship.
Is it a proper relationship? Develop one. It takes time. Give what you want to give, when you want to give it.
This is changeable. You hold the cards. You can decide what to give in a relationship and whom to give it too. You can change the idea of "being used". You deserve to get what you want out of a relationship, so spend some honest time with yourself and find out what you really want in a relationship.
Is it a proper relationship? Develop one. It takes time. Give what you want to give, when you want to give it.
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