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Suicidal Thoughts
I'm curious if anyone has shared a similar experience to mine, I'm currently a bit perplexed! I had mental health issues from age 16-24, which were particularly severe from the age of 21- mania, psychosis etc. A large feature of this was suicidal thoughts and ideation, ultimately culminating in 2 fortunately failed attempts. From age 24-26 I was free of any symptoms other than these thoughts and for the next 5 years I was free of anything. I would consider myself pretty balanced but these thoughts are now bothering me every day- I'm not depressed or irrational but I do have chronic acute back pain that looks to be unresolvable. Could this be a subconscious desire stemming from the knowledge that I have to live with physical pain for the rest of my life? I'm usually positive and pragmatic but obviously this does make me frustrated. I don't want to turn ill again.
Sound advice again! What you've said about your friend is really helpful and while it's a shame people go through this, it's good to have a website like this where experiences are shared. I have a lot more in my favour if I am entering a depressive period than I did as a kid, I like myself and don't have any issues over why I am here, I'm a good person really. If I do get ill then I'll see myself through it. My biggest issue with that is that I can't exercise myself well like I did before, it will be okay though I think. Once I know where I stand with my back then I'll be better placed to understand this. In many ways it's better if it is a depressive period than it would if it was a manic one, that's where I have the potential to do silly things. I have had a good talk with my girlfriend about all this so I'm not bottling everything up and I feel a lot more positive. You guys have been a great help, I hope I can return the favour if you ever need it.
I agree. I think you need to seek help away from your work environment.
Nursegirl gave you great advice. When you have bi-polar you never know for sure what's going to happen and when you may go through depression or a manic phase. My best friend is bi-polar and was off her meds for many years with no problems. She had a lot of stress going on and went in to a manic phase. She knows now that even though she may feel just fine for years she really needs to be on her meds all the time.
I really am wondering again, and I brought this up before, if you're getting ready to have a depressive episode because of the stress and the thoughts you're having.
We're here to help anyway we can.
Nursegirl gave you great advice. When you have bi-polar you never know for sure what's going to happen and when you may go through depression or a manic phase. My best friend is bi-polar and was off her meds for many years with no problems. She had a lot of stress going on and went in to a manic phase. She knows now that even though she may feel just fine for years she really needs to be on her meds all the time.
I really am wondering again, and I brought this up before, if you're getting ready to have a depressive episode because of the stress and the thoughts you're having.
We're here to help anyway we can.
Sorry, you asked if it was my job or if I volunteered, it is my full time job. There is a bit of reluctance on my part but I will not be foolish enough to let that stop me sorting this out. I work with some people that have rather flamboyant and grandiose ideas, I know from past experience that it really wouldn't do to have me joining in with them!
Thank you, I will speak to a doctor. I have been under a bit of stress and that's what seemed to set me off last time. 5 years I have been well without medication or therapy, that seems a long time and made me wonder about the bipolar diagnosis- I considered myself cured of the problems I had. Feeling down about the future is somewhat relative, I can't do a lot of things I used to and I am in a lot of pain. There are some scary symptoms with my back that have not been explained yet too. I don't feel I'm in danger of going into psychosis, mania etc, as I had all sorts of weird things in my head that are not present nowadays. Whatever the reasons for these thoughts, I guess it is worth checking out and I'd like to thank everybody for helping me validate this. I still have a great life and don't have any intention of carrying out these thoughts, it would just be nice not to to have them!
Hello and welcome! Remar has given you great advice and seems to have hit home with what you are dealing with.
The good thing is, you seem to have pretty good insight into your condition, and understand how you cycle and when the thoughts may become more severe. Obviously you probably already know that when thoughts turn into intentions, and plans start to be made, it's time to get help ASAP, no passing GO.
A concern I have is that you sound a bit reluctant to seek help based on your position in the community (do you just volunteer with psych patients, or is it your job?) PLEASE do not unnecessarily hesitate to get yourself help based on that. If anything, the people you've helped and the professionals you work with would look at your willingness to address a possible set back as a great thing...you would be leading by example.
It COULD very well be that your chronic pain issues could be causing (or in the least exacerbating) your suicidal thoughts. I think you MAY find that you may never know that for sure. If you can identify a clear correlation between the two, then realistically you can at least MAYBE identify times in your life when you might be more vulnerable, and keep your guard up more during those times.
With your bipolar diagnosis, even without the pain issues, you are going to be at a greater risk for ups and downs with suicidal thoughts. It's SO very important that you keep up with your OWN mental health care. A lot of times we become so busy helping others that we forget to help ourselves (ring a bell hon?). A lot of people deal with chronic suicidal thoughts that come and go. While it's unfortunate that ANYONE shoudl have to contend with that...it's just another one of those things a person must know about themselves and stay vigilant about. Most times, if the correlating disorder is being well managed, then the suicial thoughts can be held at bay. Of course, everyone has ups and downs. If you're recognizing (or even thinking) you may be having a "down", then you must be proactive.
Again, my biggest fear is that you will be hesitant to seek help based on your position of helping others in similar situations. Obviously, you can always seek treatment outside of this group of professionals, which would be advised anyway, as it's sometimes awkward to try to have a professional working relationship with a doctor/practitioner, as well as see them as a patient. Been there done that as a nurse, and it makes things weird. If you can keep those aspects of your life seperate, I think you'll feel much better about seeking help when you feel it is warranted. And even if you're already doing that, it goes without saying that just because you can relate to the people you're helping with your OWN mental health struggles, doesn't mean you have to share the intimate details of what's going on with you all of the time. I think if you DO want to share in order to help others, it's best to wait until you're not currently dealing with an acute issue...in other words, sharing it after the fact. Sharing it at the same time may make you feel uncomfortable.
Do NOT hesitate for a moment to seek urgent help if your thinking process worsens about suicide, or even if you're not 100% sure. Just as if you were having chest pain, and would go to the ER to rule out a heart attack..people with suicidal ideations need to do the same when they're unsure, or when they have identified that they are on shaky ground.
So glad you found us...please update us when you can! Hope you stick around!
The good thing is, you seem to have pretty good insight into your condition, and understand how you cycle and when the thoughts may become more severe. Obviously you probably already know that when thoughts turn into intentions, and plans start to be made, it's time to get help ASAP, no passing GO.
A concern I have is that you sound a bit reluctant to seek help based on your position in the community (do you just volunteer with psych patients, or is it your job?) PLEASE do not unnecessarily hesitate to get yourself help based on that. If anything, the people you've helped and the professionals you work with would look at your willingness to address a possible set back as a great thing...you would be leading by example.
It COULD very well be that your chronic pain issues could be causing (or in the least exacerbating) your suicidal thoughts. I think you MAY find that you may never know that for sure. If you can identify a clear correlation between the two, then realistically you can at least MAYBE identify times in your life when you might be more vulnerable, and keep your guard up more during those times.
With your bipolar diagnosis, even without the pain issues, you are going to be at a greater risk for ups and downs with suicidal thoughts. It's SO very important that you keep up with your OWN mental health care. A lot of times we become so busy helping others that we forget to help ourselves (ring a bell hon?). A lot of people deal with chronic suicidal thoughts that come and go. While it's unfortunate that ANYONE shoudl have to contend with that...it's just another one of those things a person must know about themselves and stay vigilant about. Most times, if the correlating disorder is being well managed, then the suicial thoughts can be held at bay. Of course, everyone has ups and downs. If you're recognizing (or even thinking) you may be having a "down", then you must be proactive.
Again, my biggest fear is that you will be hesitant to seek help based on your position of helping others in similar situations. Obviously, you can always seek treatment outside of this group of professionals, which would be advised anyway, as it's sometimes awkward to try to have a professional working relationship with a doctor/practitioner, as well as see them as a patient. Been there done that as a nurse, and it makes things weird. If you can keep those aspects of your life seperate, I think you'll feel much better about seeking help when you feel it is warranted. And even if you're already doing that, it goes without saying that just because you can relate to the people you're helping with your OWN mental health struggles, doesn't mean you have to share the intimate details of what's going on with you all of the time. I think if you DO want to share in order to help others, it's best to wait until you're not currently dealing with an acute issue...in other words, sharing it after the fact. Sharing it at the same time may make you feel uncomfortable.
Do NOT hesitate for a moment to seek urgent help if your thinking process worsens about suicide, or even if you're not 100% sure. Just as if you were having chest pain, and would go to the ER to rule out a heart attack..people with suicidal ideations need to do the same when they're unsure, or when they have identified that they are on shaky ground.
So glad you found us...please update us when you can! Hope you stick around!
Thanks, I'll see how it goes over the next little while, who knows, I might get good news and this could be a blip. I don't have any plan or anything, I think it might be my own strange way of feeling like I have options in a situation out with my control- that maybe sounds weird? I'll discuss it with the surgeon as he is a good man and was well aware of the impact pain can have, in the meantime I will look after myself and make sure to seek help if things get worse. I'm glad I came on here as I was just trying to dismiss these thoughts as unimportant, you have all been very kind!
If you need support, check this out, you can email the Samaritans
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
It is a 24/7 hour phone service in UK/Ireland but u can email them as well
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
It is a 24/7 hour phone service in UK/Ireland but u can email them as well
No meds other than strong painkillers which I am reluctant to use unless I really need them. I got symptom free through perspective and exercise, I actually work supporting people with severe and enduring mental health problems now! It's a bit scary as as I am a friend and colleague to most of the psychiatric professionals around here and I don't want to jump to any dramatic conclusions about where my mind is at- I still feel entirely rational and content with my life other than the physical pain I'm in, there's no elation and any depressed feelings are back related and feel relative. The suicide stuff began when I realized that it's only a month until I see the surgeon for a review of six months of treatment which hasn't worked- I need options but I guess I'm dreading not having any. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, this site is amazing as is the amount of goodwill :)
I was going to ask if you were diagnosed with bi-polar because your symptoms really sounded like it was that.
It sounds like you slow cycle and can be down and up for very long periods at a time.
When did you start having these thoughts again? It could be that you're getting ready to go into a depressive episode again.
Usually if you're diagnosed with bi-polar you need to be on meds for life. I take it you're not on meds right now?
It sounds like you slow cycle and can be down and up for very long periods at a time.
When did you start having these thoughts again? It could be that you're getting ready to go into a depressive episode again.
Usually if you're diagnosed with bi-polar you need to be on meds for life. I take it you're not on meds right now?
Go to a doctor or your doctor and ask for support help, make yourself busy. Go have fun, party, out to eat, friend hoise, movies, things like that.
Thanks for this- I was in treatment and on a variety of different meds, culminating in Olanzapine for Bipolar Disorder. The thing is, I don't feel depressed- it's just these thoughts keep popping into my head (images really) as they did when I was 26. I was able to dismiss them as residue, symptoms that I could rationalize. It is a bit scary that they have come back but I feel in control of my mind. Do you think this kind of thing can go in a kind of reverse order?
Were you being treated when you were going through the "episodes"? What diagnoses were you given at the time?
Yes, it could be that you're in constant pain and that could be the reason for the depression.
Since you are having these thoughts though you really need to see a therapist and possibly get back on meds, if that was the treatment before.
Yes, it could be that you're in constant pain and that could be the reason for the depression.
Since you are having these thoughts though you really need to see a therapist and possibly get back on meds, if that was the treatment before.
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