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Swift mood swings and delusions

I have been having very swift mood changes between bad and good and good and bad within the period of the day, It is more extreme than just teenage mood swings as I will become overly happy, almost euphoric, very talkative and hyper, aswell as irritable and starting arguments for no apparent reason and feeling like nothing can stop me sort of way to feeling very depressed and paranoid and psychotic that I have done wrong to people. That they no longer like me as a person as of who I am and I fear people plotting against me and what they say about me behind my back. Which really does upset me a lot. I also have a serious obsession which I am afraid to tell anyone and I try everything to avoid it but I am scared that people know what it is and that they can read my thoughts as I feel asif they give me bad looks as if to say that they know. I usually experience delusions during my depressed period and just before I go into a hyper moment, even then I still am under somewhat delusional thoughts. I don't really like doing anything on my own as I get really anxious and jittery when I am around too many people, I especially hate being anywhere near the people that hate me as I am afraid of what they may say. My moods change either by something happening such alike someone saying something to me as I am extremely sensitive and over-analyse everything especially conversations to try to determine whether people still like me or not as a person. Sometimes, however my mood changes on its own accord and I start to feel kind of like a bubbly feeling within me about five minutes before I turn hyper or I start to feel very empty and dull when I go into a episode of sadness. I pretty much blame myself for things and have extreme violent impulses towards myself and sometimes would very much like to put my hand or head through a wall as I feel I have ruined a friendship over a silly little thing that is a big thing to me. Also when I feel I have shown myself up and been an embarrassment to people I feel that I deserve to be punished. I really don't understand any of this and I am extremely confused. I had relatively moderate to serious depression in Septemeber to January where I was persistantly down, however I can recall some very euphoric episodes from then. But theese mood swings have only become apparent to me since a big hyper episode at the beginning of April and keeping track of my moods on the mood tracker. I am being referred to CAMHS for depression but I have not been back to the Dr since November to discuss my moods. I don't really like to talk about it to any of my family either as I feel that they will not take it on board properly. I just keep everything inside and it just eats away at me. Erm...Has anyone got any ideas on what this may be or sounds like?
1 Responses
Avatar universal
Bipolar- is a kind of obvious response to a mixed mood. If you are at all bipolar (whether type one or two) you should definitely find out because taking anti-depressants without a mood regulator can be disastrous - I did it for 10 years and wondered why I was always such a mess. It's best to sort it out as soon as possible so you can get on and live your wonderful life, and you can if you get the right treatment. good luck, don't ignore it, and a doctor has to keep stuff private I think, so your family doesn't have to know do they?
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