Avatar universal

Telling my mom I'm depressed

For about a year now I've pretty much considered myself depressed. I'm nearly positive it has to do with a chemical imbalance though and not past incidents (though they don't help it). I have a constant everyday feeling of worthlessness and extreme sadness that I can't seem to control, I have major concentration issues as to where I have to ask a person to repeat what they're saying in order to understand, even things that I've enjoyed for years I'm unable to do even stand doing, I sleep literally all the time, I feel frustrated by even the littlest things, and I just have an overall feeling that I'm a dead corpse. Empty.

I've been dealing with this issue for a year or two now because I was just terrified to tell my mother since she always takes pride in telling others how smart and great I am so I thought I would just disappoint her. I'm going to be 16 soon though and I want to just move on with my life. I find myself uncontrollably crying everyday even in public places and I can't control it but I just want it to stop!

I did finally tell my mom and her first reaction was disappointment. She sighed and didn't say anything. I immediately started crying and new I made the wrong choice but I can't go back now. Then she asked me why I was crying and I told her I don't know. It just happens. She then said she would try to get help and I made her promise not to tell anything.

A month went by without her mentioning anything about it though. She did tell many people that I was depressed though including her friends, my sister, and my grandparents who all said there was nothing wrong with me and I'm just going through a stage. When I finally confronted her about it again she said that she thinks I'm depressed but it's just something I'm going to have to get over. I tried explaining to her I can't just get over it since it's due to a chemical imbalance but she refuses to do anything about it and just keeps telling me "You're forcing depression on yourself because you want to be." (Her exact words).

Mental health issues are also very very common in my family. There have schizophrenics, people with anxiety, depression, and autism in almost everybody in my immediate family.

Basically I have nobody else to go to about this since my family just tells me to get over it and that I have no reason to be depressed and I need to stop being so miserable all the time because it's making them miserable. I don't have many friends and my only friend I really thought could help got angry at me and told me I'm not. I really just need someone to help me through this. I'd really prefer not to call a helpline since I don't want my mom to figure out (she tracks my calls).
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Avatar universal
By the way, my most immediate family mental health issues are as follows:
Mother- Bipolar and anxiety
Father- Paranoid Schizophrenic (major one, has a lot more though)
Sister- She's on medication for anger issues
Grandmother- Serious social anxiety
Grandfather- Fine
Then it's mostly first cousins and uncles with autism.

When I was younger too the doctors would always want to check me for being selectively mute and for autism but my mom refused to let them and said there's nothing wrong with me.
Avatar universal
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling like this. People often underestimate how you feel as a young adult and put this down to being part of growing up when  it's not. I'm probably an old man (31) but I remember how it felt to be depressed at your age- all people could say was 'How? You've got everything going for you'. It's not easy and can really trivialize things that are either important to you or causing you pain. It is true that the things we worry about as adults usually differ greatly as when we were teenagers but the feelings are no different in many ways. If you can see your Doctor then that's a good idea, in the meantime one of the best things you can do is take up exercise like running or swimming. It can be hard to find the motivation but if you can then it boosts the happy chemicals. I hope you feel better soon!
4642801 tn?1364034108
If it's chemical, you can get meds, and if you wait till your 16 it will all be confidential, however even if you go now, dr's should keep it confidential, so you can get help without anyone knowing, and if it helps to rant, just add me and get it all out, because i've struggled too, so can relate. Best of luck xx
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