The Venting Thread - What's on Your Mind?

[LeftCoastChick]

This is a thread for you to just plain vent your frustrations about your illness. How it's effected you, if you're tired of treatment/medication, or if you feel people around you just don't understand. The only 'requirements' are that we keep the language clean, and we don't bash our fellow members as those will result in having the offending post deleted.

My goal with this thread is to lift each other up and offer positive support. If it becomes popular, we can do one a week.

Who wants to be first?

[afreeman88]

im tired of living like this.
to start off ive been feeling on and off depressed since i was a kid. i went through alot as a kid, i had my dad run out on me and my brother, i went through alot of emotional abuse, i witnessed my cousin being sexual abused by my uncle,i had a drunk step father who used to beat my mother and tell me women were good for nothing,i had the only person in my life that truley matter(my mother) who just treated me like dirt. i even had social services come by and check up on me and my brother and at one point they had planned to take us away. i used to have my principal take me out of class and ask me if my mother abused me and if i was happy at home. although ive always played it off like everything was fine, everything really wasnt and i wish they had taken us away and put me somewhere i could be happy. because of my rough family/childhood ive never really had anyone to talk to, never really had anyone to really tell how i feel. now although i struggled with these problems i over came alot when i came to high school were i made friends and forgot my troubled past. i was a popular kid in school and never really had a problem meeting people and expressing myself, but around the time i graduated i started loosing my friends. although ive been smoking weed since i was about 15 it wasnt intill i started loosing my friends when my habit really got bad. i started staying at home and getting high all the time, i wouldnt pick up my phone i wouldnt talk to anyone and the people i did talk to i became very bitter towards. i ran off and worked on drill rigs for a couple months trying to better myself and meet new people, but the people i met just singled me out and made me feel so much worse about myself. when i think back it was my attitude towards everything that made people just not want to know me, and as far as i can see it still is. 3-4 years have gone by since i graduated, and ive spent the majority of them sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. ive lost all my friends except two who i can tell really dont care for me, i lost my g/f of 3 years a couple months ago along with my job and my apartment. im currently living with my mother and two brother all who i can tell are really starting to pity me and not only that really dislike me. i can hear my mother talking **** about me and to my face says nothing, my brothers who once looked up to me, think something is seriously wrong with me and i hate myself for it. im at the point i dont know what to do, ive never told anyone i feel depressed and deny it when someone asks me. im at the end of my line and i dont know what to do, im on the verge of buying a plane ticket to mexico, leaving all this behind and starting over. i need help, i cant turn to my family, i have no friends, and i ******* hate my life and myself.

[Mitch82]

I am 25 year old male, I suffer from Anxiety and have been depressed lately, I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I must admit I wasn't the best partner but she wasn't perfect either, what pisses me off is that I am hurt, afraid of being single and so very down, I have to face this all head, not 2 weeks after we broke I find my girlfriend has hooked up with one of her friends and they are an item, so she gets to experience new things and have a great time, while I sit around alone and upset, it's not fair! It's also a big hit to my already low self esteem and very humilating, beacuse it's all evident on facebook so people will know.

[kabs8]

and then diagnosis of depression soon followed.  I felt everything was due to hormone but found that wasn't true.  I'm having a hard time accepting the diagnosis of depression.  In therapy and my therapist believes the depression has been a problem since childhood, according to what I've said to her.  I really wish my life was over, I've lived long enough as I an 54 years old, I just can't end it myself.  I wish every night I wouldn't wake up the next morning, but dammit I always do.

[Cookie995]

i hate my life right now. Im 23 years old and ive had moderate acne for what seems like 10 years now. It's just progressively gotten worse after high school when everyone else's faces seemed to clear up. It's made me really depressed and is making me focus on every negative aspect of me.  Ive been on every freaking medication and I feel like no one knows what i really look like, people just see this face covered in bumps and cars.  Ive become a hermit and have lost what used to be a great social life with a girlfriend and great friends.  I'm convinced as soon as my acne subsides i will be bald.  I dont think ill ever have a period where i am confident and have self esteem and actually enjoy waking up in the morning. I dread getting out of bed because i have to look at myself in the mirror. I used to enjoy looking at myself now i avoid mirrors like the plague.  I dont even know who i am anymore im rediculously sad and resent everyone for it.  It's so hard going through these things in a society that places so much importance on physical appearance, especially in your college years. I would never commit suicide just because of what it would do to my family and loved ones so instead i just lock myself away from the world hoping this will go away eventually. I feel like ill be depressed until that happens.

[Jennifer770]

OK, I'm sick of being sick! Of being made fun of by my college age daughter.  I feel like I'm her trick dog that she has to show her friends, look at my Mom, isn't she crazy! Hey, Mom say that thing you said last night when you took your meds"! I wish I had respect from my family.  Instead I feel like a joke to them. They have no idea how hard I work at putting on a "happy face" to everyone when I really want to scream! I'm so sick of having these high's and low's.  My head just spins.  When I try to have a conversation I always get off track, jumping all over the place.  It's so embarrassing.  My daughter doesn't even wait for me to try to get my thoughts together, instead she will finish my sentence for me.  Sometimes I feel like I will end up all alone.

[needhelp4me434]

it's almost 1am here in o-town fla.

these flipping meds either knock  you out or have you up all night.

i feel drugged, took an ambiem but still can't fall asleep

i should go to wal-mart and buy things i don't even need, but i like target better but there not open.

my dogs are ansy cause they want to go to bed. their looking at me like their trying to figure out how to crash this computer.

cvs is open but their always getting robbed.

i could take a walk around the block but the home owener watchdogs patrol and they may think i'm a robber.

i could read but i broke one of the lens in my glasses.

what i should do is call all the psyc docs in the phonebook and wake them up and keep them up till i fall asleep so they can see what it feels like when i can't sleep from these drugs
i would like to go in the back yard and work in my garden but all the neighborhood dogs will start barking and i might be mistaken for a prowler and get shot.

so the only thing i can do is vent. but i'm still wide awake.

good thing i don't work. i'd be a babbleing idiot from lack of sleep and they would all be talking about what new drug i'm on.

well sweet dreams all

coleen