Transgender, Depressed, and I hate myself for being both.

[ThatWorthlessTransgenderScum]

Hi. My real name is Ryan Baker, i don't care who knows. I'm sorry for wasting your time with my problems, but I need to let this out. First off. I am a male 15 year old Canadian, I am transgender, I have been for about a year, but I recently realized what all the feelings I had before were. I realized I was transgender, I hated myself for it, I still do. I shunned myself and stopped talking to people for awhile, thinking they're all better then me (they all still are). And after hating myself for awhile, hurting myself because I deserved it for being transgender ( I'm so sorry I call myself transgender, to all trans people out there I'm so sorry I'm ruining the name, I don't feel worthy of the name transgender, I don't feel worthy of the title depressed, because if other depressed people knew i was they would be ashamed even more that I was using there title). I would cut myself, hit myself against walls, I'm exhausted currently, the simple tasks now become to much to handle, I recently realized, I was, and am, depressed, I hate using that title, I feel like I'm ruining it, making depressed people worse, I would and still do, constantly hurt myself for being depressed, I cut myself, and I hit myself against walls and I once stabbed my hand using a small knife, i felt nothing and I wanted to feel something so I stabbed my hand, it hurt so much, It felt warm though, it made me feel somewhat happy. I keep abusing myself for wanting to be a girl. I'm sorry I want to be a girl. I know, please nobody tell me again, a mutated male body is not a female body. So even if I went through surgery, I would sill be a Man. I feel dirty for wanting to be a girl, I feel lonely for all the time, I want everything to end. I'm shy, I get bad grades, I'm lazy, I'm clumsy, I'm transgender, I'm depressed, I'm a waste of space, a waste of resources, I wouldn't be missed. Again, I'm exhausted right now, this is probably full of mistakes, I know I'm a mistake so all I do is make more. I'm sorry to any transgender people reading this, I'm sorry I call myself one of you.

[ThatWorthlessTransgenderScum]

On here's the link http://theterfs.com/terf-quotes-2/

[ThatWorthlessTransgenderScum]

I was reading a thing (il copy and paste the link), its from something called TERF, I'm not promoting it, the page I was on was full of quotes and things that just made me extreamly horrified of what I am. It said things that made me feel even more worthless, a quote from the page was "a mutalated male body is not a female body". There was more things about how men are evil and are only using gender changeling as a new fetish or because its a "trend"...I feel horrible, I don't deserve to be here, I'm sorry for making a post, I just thought I should, maybe it would help. Anyways. I feel as if I'm a monster, that I'm a bad person, I already hurt myself quite abit, now I'm going to start to eat alot less, the food could go to someone more important, somebody who deserves it. This may seem like a stupid post. I got sad and its roughly around 1:30 AM, I'm sorry again, I'm not seeing a therapist so this is how I kinda try to make myself feel better. Though I often look up things against me, like anti transgender quotes or groups or videos, to convince myself that I'm the bad guy, I'm sorry I'm wasteing air, water, food, and other supplies that everyone could use, il try to eat less, the slim guys ge all the friends, it would probally benefit me to stop eating for awhile, I don't deserve the food, I just ******* complain, that's what I'm doing now!. Anyways, I know I sound like a massive attention seeker, I'm sorry, I just want a person to talk to, I kinda want to feel important, I now know I'm not in any way, nobody would miss me if I killed myself though, I would be doing everyone a favour, getting rid of the annoying trans guy. Bye.

[ThatWorthlessTransgenderScum]

My sadness (I'm not calling myself depressed, again, my problems are too small), I said I hate myself for being transgender, I do though, I constantly get mad at myself for not being happy with my gender, I went to talk to somebody about it though, I most likely wasted there time, my parents ignore both of the sadness and wanting to be a girl, my dad keeps giving me speeches about how this is all a phase, so all I have to do is wait it out. I keep getting extremely sad during school, my marks are low so my parents aren't happy with that, they keep sounding disappointed in me,  I **** everything up, my friends don't want to be seen in public with me, and whenever I try to talk to them and try to be honest. So I have to blend in more, I'm ways tired from stayin up late working for school though. I feel bad for coming into the depression group topic thing here, somebody with real problems could of gotten

[Paxiled]

This is going to sound academic and not real to you, but you don't hate yourself because you're transgender, you hate yourself because you're depressed and have good reason to be.  But because your depression is owing to something you know as the cause, therapy can be long but should help you sort this out and learn to accept yourself.  If you really hate being transgender that much, the question is, why?  Is it because you're not sure?  Or because it makes you different and in a way that's hard in our society?  These are things to work out, you are facing something genuinely difficult and it will never be easy, but life almost never is for anyone.  Good luck.

[xrawrbabyx]

You are not worthless. I used to cut myself too. I'm depressed a great deal of the time since I am bipolar. I know what it's like to not feel worthy enough to even take on labels like depressed or a cutter. But those are feelings talking not reality you are more than what you feel and do. You are more than depressed and more than your sexuality. If you wanna be a girl that's what you want don't be ashamed of that and don't let anyone else make you feel that way. If you ever wanna talk you can message me anytime I'm a good listener. You're not worthless and have a purpose in this life. Don't give up!

[kcLizzy]

Hello first start with you are worthy . Just because you are struggling right now does not mean you are bad . It is going to be okay I use to cut myself bc i was sexual abused by a step brother . I understand but the beauty of it is I survived ! you can to stop being so hard on your self if you wanna be a girl be a girl if you wanna be a doctor go for you . The only person that you need to make happy is you . try and stop labeling your self you have a name that is you . I also suggest find a support group . A safe place you can talk with people who have gone through the same thing .