Want to be left alone

[BeeKeeper]

Question for this group...am trying to deal with clinical depression, on several medications and though I can 'function' in my job, I'm still having a heck of a time dealing with life situations.  As with most guys I suppose, my natural inclination is to withdrawl in myself and in my own space until I can "figure this out".  I still plan on seeing a therapist and trying to figure out what "this ", still plan on taking my meds wether I want to or not.  I keep hearing not to withdrawl because it would be bad for me...but that is how i have always coped.

Is it wrong for me to withdrawl from life right now...get an empty apartment...hybernate until I come back to reason and find a way to seperate feelings from logic.

Thoughts?

[bernie40]

Thans Ellen, I have sent you a pm. Sounds like we have a fair few things in common.

Take care, enjoy our weekend also.

Helen xx

[ettebette]

I understand how you feel.  I don't have too many friends.  I have a best friend that I've know for 43 years, and a couple of friends that I know care about me, but we don't do things socially.  I basically go out with my family.  My best friend lives out of town, which is hard on both of us.  I was just trying to convey to keep a healthy balance in your life, which is what I TRY to do.  I'm not always successful.  I often want to be alone, too, but, if I'm in the house TOO much, I tend to be more depressed, and wallow in my depressed feelings.  I usually feel better when I go out, even if I'm by myself.  If you ever want to talk, please feel free to write to me ANYTIME.  I am always here for you.  I hope you have a nice weekend.

Love,

Ellen (ettebette)

[bernie40]

Hi, I do understand what you mean, completely.  I have a real problem with trusting people having been "slapped in the face" too many times.  I do have a couple of really good "live" friends but I am happy to only see them about once a fortnight, sometimes once a week.  I do not enjoy going out to social activities as society has put such pressure on people to act and behave a certain way that nobody any longer is "genuine" it all a show.  Perhaps I am being cynical but I would rather be with people who I know are genuine, I am not prepared to risk the pain of getting to know new "live" people and be hurt again.  I have made many friends through this site, some of whom I would in deed love to meet in person.  Perhaps this in itself is helping me to learn to trust again, - I don't know.

I also think that years of trying to be who others wanted me to be has been such hard work I can no longer do it (I am bipolar and have tried to mask my symptoms for many many years).  I am unable to be consistent with regards to may ability to go out and there are not many people who understand or will "put up with" me having to cancel at the last minute or turn them down without taking it personally.

I do go out with my family, my husband and 4 children and enjoy doing that when I feel well enough.  I become more of a hermit during the winter months and less so in the spring and summer (yes I also have SAD).

All of this to try and say, that sometimes there are long periods where I need to be alone for the sake of my mental health.  I think "bundle_o_contradictions" said it far better than me, lol!

[seadraem]

Wow - your poem really struck me.
It is so beautiful, and so meaningful for so many of us.

Thank you!

[bundle_o_contradictions]

I agree with you. What I think it comes down to (in my opinion, like all these posts are) is what each of us is comfortable with. If a person's ready to open up to others, great. If not, it's not the end of the world. The key, in my world anyway, is to remember that even if being alone is what I need & want, the bad self-talk when I'm depressed needs to be stopped. I think sometimes a person needs another person to distract them from their own thoughts, but sometimes another activity works just as well, without the pressure of saying the right thing or worrying about offending or putting someone off. Dealing with depression is not a "one size fits all" deal.

[ettebette]

In my opinion, the internet has its place in today's world, and it is a way to research things, and to communicate with others.  However, if it becomes the ONLY "social" activity you participate in, you're losing out on a lot of other satisfying and rich relationships with "live" people.  Being alone sometimes IS important.  We all need that.  But, it it a limiting way to live.  You miss out on a lot of interesting, mind-stimulating, and fun activities if you don't venture beyond the home.  You don't want to become a hermit.  You want to be a person that others want to be around, so you need to be part of the world.  I speak from experience.  I know what I'm talking about.  Please give serious consideration to what I'm saying.  Tell your psych what I said.  I'd be happy to know his/her reaction.  Nothing in extremes is ever really the best way to do things.  A balance is healthiest.

ettebette

[bernie40]

I'm going to throw a spanner in the works here.  I like being on my own, I resent the fact that I rarely get the chance to be on my own.  I choose not to socialize very often, my main form of interaction is on here or facebook.  I don't see that there is anything wrong with wanting to be left alone.  I don't go out to work, I'm a full-time mum, but as you are out at work I really don't see why it is a problem for you to spend your free time how ever you wish and if thats to be left alone then go ahead.  

My psych keeps trying to push me into interacting more and all it does is drive me further away, I actually panic.  I value my "alone" time.

Some people need other people around them, some people don't.

[BearHitch]

I do not believe that it is just a guy thing either - I think it is actually something very prominent in people who are suffering from depression to isolate themselves.  I know that I sure feel that way.  You do not want to do that though.  

My thoughts: do you have a friend or loved one that you could share these feelings with and who could go out of their way to draw you out once in a while?  Small things help more than you would think - one thing my husband does is he'll offer I go to the store with him or even if its just a quick errand.  I always am glad that I got out of the house afterwards, but sometimes its really hard to do it.  

I would highly recommend therapy, even if it is just once a month, and do make sure you take the medication.  If you do not have a loved one or friend to help I would try and connect and make a friend online.  Maybe there is a depression support group where you live?  Tis the season also for seasonal depression, and if you get that - like I do - it can make this time especially trying.  Hang in there.

[BeeKeeper]

Thanks all for the support and thoughts.  am having a really rough time right now and don't know how to open up to anyone about it...not sure i want to...just want the darkness/pain to stop.

gwmclean - appreciate the poem...very nice.  Have printed it out and is on my wall at the office to remind me.

Courage all.

[bundle_o_contradictions]

It's not just a guy thing. I also feel inclined to withdraw. Usually it's because people in general get on my nerves (anger issues along with depression) or I don't want to burden those I care about. But I do often wish for a nice cave to go become a hermit in. My therapist recommends making connections, but all of my attempts failed & I actually lost my best friend. Maybe even just one person to communicate with (in addition to therapist) could help. I know how overwhelming too many people can be when you're feeling off-kilter.
Good luck.

[ettebette]

Although you may not FEEL like it, the BEST thing to do when you're feeling depressed is to be around people, and keeping busy.  I say this from personal experience.  If we allow ourselves to stew in our feelings, they feed upon themselves.  That's not to say you shouldn't have some quiet, relaxing, and alone time in your life.  Balance is the key.  
Are you seeing a therapist now to talk through all that you're feeling?  A GOOD therapist can be extremely helpful.  It's an excellent support.  Keep me posted as to how you're doing.  You always have us here to talk to, so you're never alone.  Hang in there!  There IS light at the end of the tunnel.

[Bear13]

That was beautiful... very eloquently put....

[gwmclean]

The loneliest thing I know
As I sit recalling the past
A lost little man all alone
Wishing for peace at last

A big smile and bright shinning eyes
Was how my secret safely slept
I did good hiding the depression
Locked in my room while i wept

I was invisible to everyone
Lost because acquaintances weren't true friends
But the saddest thing I recall
Was wishing for the end

The loneliest thing I know
Used to be myself
And I probably wouldn't have made it
If my friends hadn't helped

[gwmclean]

Don't withdraw....You have to fight 10x harder than if you stay where you are.  Surround yourself with a strong network of people that you can talk too.  I know its tough, but hiding away isn't going to do anything good for you.  If anything its probably going to make things worse for you.