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Depression Community
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Avatar universal

What is wrong with me?

Ok, i was diagnoised with major depressive disorder last year, i have had anxiety, panic attacks, argraphobia for years for which i recieved cbt therapy with a great therapist. I can't seem to accept that i am depressed, i won't take medication and i struggle daily with suicidal thoughts, i go from ok to angry and depressed and suicidal in a few hours is this normal with depression? It takes very little to set me of. Its disrupting my whole life, i feel like i can't do anything anymore i have no interest in people and i don't feel like i belong anywhere. Its getting to a point where i want to just go away from everyone, i have tried talking to my therapist about the suicidal thoughts but it seems there is nothing anyone can do. I have been hospitialized because of this but it never helped, what can i do? I am just wondering does it sound like i am depressed and why can't anyone help?
20 Responses
Avatar universal
To me, it does sound like major depression. Why won't you try medication? Are you afraid? Medication along with therapy can do wonders for many people.
Avatar universal
Yeah, i am afraid of medication i have tried several types and i have been allergic to alot of stuff, it scares me that my only hope may be medication. Thanks for replying
Avatar universal
Can you say what meds you've tried? The SSRI's or SNRI's or both. There's also the older meds that a lot of Drs are going back to. You mention that your moods cycle very fast. Have you talked to your Dr about the possibility of being bi-polar? I'm not saying you are, but with your moods going up and down so fast it's definitively worth checking in to. Remar
Avatar universal
It was the ssri's i think, exffeor was one that i reacted quite badly too, prozac was ok but i couldn't sleep and valium just made me like a zombie, i know thats not many, but i have taken medication for other medical illness and been allergic to that as well, but at this point today i am feeling really bad, maybe medication in large quantities would help, once and for all.
Avatar universal
Effexor is in a class by itself. Prozac is the first SSRI  that became available and if you were able to take it you should be able to tolerate a different SSRI. I have never taken Prozac but I have heard from some people that it can be stimulating. Please do not give up! I was feeling like you not long ago. I just started Lexapro 2 weeks ago and I'm already starting to feel better. My anxiety is less and so is my depression. I have'nt had a suicidal thought since being on this med. Not that I would ever do anything, just having those thoughts is a scary thing. You really should talk with your Dr about trying another med. I'm always here to talk with you. You can send me a PM if you want to talk in private. Remar
1291268 tn?1274814522
have you considered ECT?
Avatar universal
I am to meet with the pscyhatrist next week so i will talk more with him, then the following week i am going to a place to receive therapy for trauma its intensive and i have to stay there a week and my therapist will come and see me everyday, he wants to do it there because its safer its staffed by mental health nurses and i have less chance of getting away.
The thoughts are scary and confusing and i get confused alot and i have little concentration so i really need to do something, like today i was really depressed and suicidal then i calmed a bit then i got anxious then i was hyper i couldn't sit at peace and i was shaking now i have returned to really anxious i really don't get it, i need to relax. I talked with my therapist today it helped abit but i can't keep calling him everytime i am falling apart, Thanks for listening.
Avatar universal
No, does that really work? I would be too scared, hopefully i can get better with just talking.
Avatar universal
I am currently in a study for PTSD and it really never occurred to me that I had it until I started this Cognitive Processing Therapy. I thought it was just major clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder, what I had been previously diagnosed with. It has not been easy at all, but I think I am getting a lot out of it and highly recommend pursuing that type of therapy, as well as CBT which is similar. I have my issues with meds and I won't go back on for a variety of reasons. I have not been on here much lately, but remar is my mom and she knew that I could probably relate and let you know that you are welcome to add me as a friend and go through my journals, see if you relate and get anything out of them. Without knowing what kind of trauma you have experienced, I can't say what might work for you, but I've found for myself it is a combination of things. Please do not get a large quantity of meds to end things once and for all. I have done that myself and after the last time a year and a half ago, I decided to start changing my life. I still deal with the memory damage caused by an overdose, and I hate to hear someone feeling suicidal if that is the case. Do not feel bad about reaching out for help, it's what this community is for. And it can be comforting and reassuring to realize there are a lot of us that are dealing with similar issues.
Avatar universal
Sorry about that, my mom was still logged into her page when I posted that comment. Like I said feel free to add me as a friend!
Avatar universal
My daughter and I are here to help in any way we can. With PTSD, depression and anxiety it's no wonder your feeling the way you are. I do understand that the thoughts your having are very scary. Hopefully going in to the treatment facility will be a huge help to you. We're here for you. Remar
1291268 tn?1274814522
ECT is usually the treatment of last resort.  You seem to prefer living with pain and suffering then to take medicine. Where I'd have my right arm chopped off rather then live with the suffering of depression and anxiety.  
ECT is actually very effective but not to be taken lightly. I had 7 treatments 20 years ago and it didn't help me.  However there were little sideffects.  I had them as an outpatient and went back to work after the last one.  
Medication is the only thing that helps me.  You cannot tell me anything that's going to make me feel better so 'talk therapy' to  me is a waste of time.  My problem is a physical one.
HOWEVER learning about one's illness and how to deal with it properly is required.
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