Were about the same age. I can't tell you how many times I "threw in the towel" and gave up on life. The more I did, the worse it got. It wasn't until I decided to get help, that help showed up.
The last thing I needed when I got help was more bills. In fact, I let the though of accruing more bills stand in the way of me getting myself healthy. The depressed me wanted to stay in that rut... anything to find an excuse to not get help was my mantra for decades. And you name the excuses, I was using them. First and foremost was that I couldn't financially afford to get help, especially when I exhausted all of the other excuses for not getting help.
I went as far as to almost lose everything that is dear to me. My family was almost out the door because of my depression, lack of wanting to help myself, and miscellaneous ways of "self medication". When the $hit hit the fan, I knew I had to go on. I knew I wasn't done and I knew I was not the giant $hit bag I was turning myself into.
There is help out there and of course there is a cost. There are hundreds of places across this country that offer help for lesser cost, and some work on a sliding scale. Pay what you can, when you can and you can continue to receive the help you need.
First place to start is your doctor. He or she can give you a referral and they also probably have some information on where a person in your shoes can find some help. (It worked for me in the little community I live in.) That referral from your doctor is key. Secondly, meds don't have to be that expensive. The medicine I take for depression is cheap compared to the one I have to take for my triglycerides... real cheap.
Look, this is your health and help just doesn't come walking up. You have to become an active participant in making yourself get better. It's hard work and nobody likes telling their story, over and over and over again, but it is what is necessary in order to find help.
Everyone here on medhelp was fed some kind of a $hit sandwich. Most have come so far from where they were, but it didn't happen by accident. Some here are 'hanging on" because they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. None of the recovery happens over night. For some, relief happens rather quickly, but depression just doesn't go away. You learn to deal with it. Right now, you're not dealing with it in a healthy way. (I'm not trying to be disrespectful, just reciting the facts regarding depression.)
I truly feel for you brother.... I walked in your shoes for about 30 years too damned long, all because I was too stubborn to get out of my own way, to try to be a little innovative and get some help. Instead, I sat and did nothing except beat myself up and adding more trouble to the trouble I hadn't faced in life.
It stinks.... no doubt. And I can tell that you do want out of this. You didn't get to this point over night and it won't go away over night. Re-read every post above when you can find yourself in a calmer more tolerant state. Relax a bit... not all of this is your fault, and you will begin to see what help is out there. You have to chase it down.
Good luck and stay in touch.
Hi Tags. im 63 years old and can tell you that there are no absolutes in life. Ive been through it all including cancer and 3 marriages. All we can do is try and even though things dont seem good they could be worse. Like is a mystery and we really dont know what tomm will bring. You could win the lottery!!. Just take each day as it comes and be thankful for the life that God have given you. You should pick yourself up by the boot straps and as long as you get involved in everyday life things will work out for you. This is all a test. You in this situation as this is a path that was set for you. This is your path and you have to figure out your next move. If you are in a financial rut it is your duty to change it. I got a message from the other side and told me that they would give up all their eternity of death for one day of life. If you want to talk more, you can send me a private note and will share your sorrow with you.
I saw your reply to hongkonger. you will be ok as you have anger. remember that movie where the guy opened up the widow and said "im mad as hell and not going to take it anymore" I was in a similar situation financially a couple of months back and created and Patented a product that is part of the business im in. It will be a big seller. I say this is i was forced to be creative because of the difficulty i was in. So look to your problems as a challange, get mad and and come up with an idea.
I agree with life360s comments,there are no absolutes in life and there never has been.People must seek professional help once the situation gets to much to handle.Aren't there any free mental help therapy services in the USA because there are in Australia.I wish you all the best.
Well, I was replying, had typed a good response with questions and so on. Somehow, it was all just deleted. **** it. Obviously i am supposed to suffer with this till i am dead. Even when i try to open up about it, it seems the universe has conspired against me. I can't fight this fight anymore. I'm done. Thank you for the responses I do appreciate it.
I know what you mean Hun I want to die I'm fffffffing sick of it my friends and sister in law killed themselves all I can say is deep down in me there is an anger saying how dare the universe do this to me and I can see its in you to. We deserve better fight u don't want to pay write to the media for help do and learn to write a press release and don't te your entire story give a dramatic over use explain that you speak for many and say I need help ask for there help in exchange for the story or contact a celebrity who is public about their depression and. Fight on doesn't have to cost money