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When i know I'm gonna loose it and tell myself be careful but still lose it.

I'm epileptic and on Trileptal and Nezak and just started Urbanol. I loose my temper once in 6 months but I feel it coming 2 or so before but can't stop it I even tell my before I loose it remember and then my mind convinces me to go head with it and in most cases I when I loose it I was hurt in a way to ignite it. I also talk a lot to myself and I try listening to music or any to stop it as it does tire the mind. I'm tired now no positive thing has happened for me in the last 8 years. I'm 32
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1551327 tn?1514045867
I am like you in any aspects.  I check into the same inpatient hospital about every 6 months (give or take a month)  I have been doing this since about 2011.  Now after just being relaease about a month ago I have found some new thing that help.  First of all I have slowed down on studying and reading.  Although it is not considered unhealthy to read and write it does cause my mind to think and learn more and more and along with that comes thoughts.  Thoughts begin and do not stop.  In a different world that would not be a danger but this is not that world yet.  Also I tend to listen to more agressive or angry music when I start becoming out of sorts.  There is a cognitive issue that can be addressed by employing the exercise (think)(act)(be).  If a person thinks angry thoughts or harmful thoughts, act in a manner that goes along with that like listening to sad or angry music.... they will become that person.  It is true 100 percent of the time.  So when I start getting angry or feel hurt and thinking on these things too much-  I will act on this and listen to angry music or start having daydreams of revenge or hurt myself.... soon I will become dangerous.  And like you I know far before it happens that it is going to happen.  Sometimes a month to two months before.  Yet it still occurs but I have found some new friends and habits that are keeping me healthy today and I am happy about that.
1551327 tn?1514045867
Oh and it does tire the mind as it over-works it and it leads to what they call a (train of thought).  I am sure you have likely heard of a train of thought.  It works just like that.  Although it is technically the caboose that gets you a train is harder to stop the more cargo (thoughts) that get attached to it... make sense?
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