This is a weird one. Whenever I get very angry or deeply frustrated, I want to bite someone until they cry out in pain. It's not just the bite I want to do, but I have this need to hear the cry of pain from the other person. It's like I want to hear them beg me to stop and to tell me it hurts. This really, REALLY scares the holy **** out of me, because normally, I never want to hurt anybody. The problem is, the longer I resist it, the worse the need gets. I've caught myself looking at my cat's scruff, and when I realize what I'm thinking about, I break out in tears, and I have to go curl up and cry myself to sleep. There's a few things you might want to know first:
1) I am a survivor of psychological and verbal abuse with small spatterings of physical abuse from my grandmother. I went to get help for it and was diagnosed as cyclothymic.
2) I deal with high levels of pain in my body and am severely overweight, to the point that I can barely walk.
3) I frequently have bouts of tears, where I cry for no reason. Everything seems to make me want to cry.
4) I do not have medical insurance, so don't tell me to go get help. I cannot put myself any further into debt to get medical help.
Any ideas?