Working in a nursery with depression

[Delusion]

Hello,

Long time since I've written anything here. I'm a care professional that more or less works in every category of care: children, adults, learning disabilities, autism, mental health, addiction, paralysis, dementia etc. I've never really worked with under 5's but it's something that I've always wanted to do but partly never pursued it because I'm a young adult male and that amount of abuse and discrimination male nursery nurses have faced is a bit ridiculous.

Anyway I really want to make the transition to nursery care as I want to work in early development and have always worked well with very small children. I volunteer at a nursery/day centre alongside work and all the children/babies and parents love me but I've still found it very hard to get into a paid nursery setting. One big catch-22 problem here in the UK is that in order to study a childcare diploma you need to be working in a paid childcare setting but in order to get into a paid childcare setting you must first have a diploma. Despite this I have achieved a couple of isolated interviews here and there. The children have always enjoyed playing/working with me but many of the staff have been hostile towards me on the basis that I'm a man and I must have some sinister hidden agenda tucked away somewhere.

Earlier this week I had an interview at a nursery and felt that it went really badly, I was very anxious during the initial interview because I realised most of my care experience (and even my child care experience) was very alien to the interviewers and they had no idea what I was talking about. I found it hard dumbing it down for them and didn't want to come across as pretentious. The problem of course was that the kinds of children I look after have profound multiple learning disabilities, severe autism and full blown epilepsy. There really was no easy way of saying "sorry but this job is a million times easier than what I've done for the vast majority of my career and it's not my fault if you're too unqualified and dense to understand just what it is I do for a living".

Anyway once the interrogations were over I was asked if I wanted to be assessed in the baby room, toddler room or pre-schoolers room. I chose the baby room as I wanted to demonstrate that I was competent at teaching skills to their youngest children. I was basically observed by 3 regular workers which had me worried as I knew they could say anything. I spoke to them intermittently but tried to focus on the children out of paranoia. I left the nursery feeling like it was a big failure despite a third of the kids crying when I had to leave (which as evil as it sounds - was a good sign).

I just recieved an email back from the manager. She began by stating I "didn't come across as enthusiastic, bubbly or nurturing in the interview" which annoyed me for reasons already stated but she went on to say "however the staff said you were brilliant in the baby room". It finally ended with her saying she had her reservations about me but that based on how well the children responded to me she would be interested in taking me on as a 0-hour temporary staff for 2 months so she could see me in action.

I couldn't believe it. I could sense the reservations though so decided to email back first discussing how I felt the interview went as well as disclosing the fact I suffer from long-term depression. In the UK our anti-discrimination laws are some of the most stringent in the world but people can still be discriminated against on the basis of sex or diagnosis simply by listing the rejection as being down to other reasons etc. But I took a chance and disclosed it.... I'm regretting it.

Any nursery staff reading this? I mentioned that I'm very stable and that I take medication, see my doctor regularly and know my coping strategies (basically keeping myself busy and stressed). Part of the reason I've always been reluctant to disclose my diagnosis in job interviews is that I'm a care professional meaning I'm solely responsible for caring and protecting extremely vulnerable people with often no supervision. I know most parents wouldn't want the carer of the baby or toddler to be someone with severe depression. They would worry they wouldn't be taken care of properly or would be in danger. It's hard conveying that these assumptions are complete nonsense though. All I can think about is whether I have blown it and this manager will now be scared off.

[Delusion]

I had an email from the director of the nursery last monday explaining the manager wasn't ignoring me but that she was on annual leave. The director said she would be back this coming monday and asked if, in the interim, I could work thursday and friday 20 hours. I said yes.

Basically it seemed to go pretty well and all of the staff seem okay with me and I'm quite popular with the infants. Half way through my first day the deputy manager came in and asked if I would take 40 hours next week which I said yes definitely.

So I've completed 2 days and have another 4 booked next week. I'm going to be seeing the manager on monday to 'discuss my progress' even though I've been there 2 days... But she really seems to hate me so oh well. Thus far I don't really know what to expect after next week but think she wants me gone she'll use the depression as her excuse.

Because feeling miserable, drained, apathetic and anxious from time to time clearly makes me a child-abusing murderer. Or something along those lines... Good old ignorance!

[Bubulous]

Have you heard anything new on the position?