Aa
Young and need help
I am a 13 year old and I have known that I am gay since I was 7 years old. I have grown up in a homophobic home and I am sick of pretending to be someone else. I am extremely lonely and started cutting myself. I tried telling my parents but they told me to go crawl in a ****** hole and die. They then blocked me out of the family. So I told them I was only joking. I've planned to take my own life as I have no one to confine my problems in. I have started to become depressed and I can't runaway because I am so young. I have started getting "panic"attacks and am always stressed with anything that I do. I need help.
I just want you to know there is nothing wrong with you in any way, shape or form! I wish there was a way i could console you, or even help you through this difficult time. It may take your parents years to accept or open up to the idea of you being gay, they may never accept it at all - this remains to be seen.
All i can say is, life.....its a beautiful thing, you have many beautiful things to experience, true love, marriage, children, wholesome fellowship with family and friends, the feeling of gratitude and success when you've graduated from high school and proceed to college. Right now, you may not have a choice but to keep your sexual preference a secret from your parents until you leave home and become independant. But please, don't hesitate to confide in us on med help - we are all here to help support eachother through difficult times. Also, it may be of great benefit to become acquainted with school mates that are gay as well, this may help you to release your feelings and frustrations to someone who truly understands.
I can tell you sweetie, cutting yourself is only hurting you, it is only punishing you. I can't help but to feel upset that your parents are unaccepting and so disheartened towards you, but i can tell you one thing, hang in there, as soon as you are of age and you have a job and can afford to live on your own - this would be the best time to be honest with them, especially if they are not too keen on the thought of you being gay. Please know there is nothing wrong with this, you are no less of a person, and you are no different than i or anyone else. I am so sorry that you are going thru this. If you ever need to talk, please, don't hesitate to message me. i hope you feel better soon, you need to find a safe zone, someone you can constructively confide in that you trust to help lift this burden.
All i can say is, life.....its a beautiful thing, you have many beautiful things to experience, true love, marriage, children, wholesome fellowship with family and friends, the feeling of gratitude and success when you've graduated from high school and proceed to college. Right now, you may not have a choice but to keep your sexual preference a secret from your parents until you leave home and become independant. But please, don't hesitate to confide in us on med help - we are all here to help support eachother through difficult times. Also, it may be of great benefit to become acquainted with school mates that are gay as well, this may help you to release your feelings and frustrations to someone who truly understands.
I can tell you sweetie, cutting yourself is only hurting you, it is only punishing you. I can't help but to feel upset that your parents are unaccepting and so disheartened towards you, but i can tell you one thing, hang in there, as soon as you are of age and you have a job and can afford to live on your own - this would be the best time to be honest with them, especially if they are not too keen on the thought of you being gay. Please know there is nothing wrong with this, you are no less of a person, and you are no different than i or anyone else. I am so sorry that you are going thru this. If you ever need to talk, please, don't hesitate to message me. i hope you feel better soon, you need to find a safe zone, someone you can constructively confide in that you trust to help lift this burden.
You are in a very similar situation to my sister. I have watched her have to hold in this secret of being lesbian since she was around 13 (She's 18 now). She came out to me as bisexual but soon decided she was lesbian. I was the only one she told for a long time. My family is very religious--my dad, especially. Naturally, no one in my family approves of the orientation, but after some time, she came out to my mom. My mom doesn't approve, but she doesn't do anything about it besides making my sister think she's on her side, then make some sort of low jab when she's talking about something related to homosexuality. It's hard to see her go through this and just to know how wrong it is. She is a person like anyone else. But moreso, she is my mother's daughter. My mom loves her, but she shouldn't have these conditions.
It was hard for me when she first came out to me. I mean, I'd just gotten out of a strict Christian private school, but I came around within a few months because I got away from that judgmental atmosphere and realized she's my sister and love should be unconditional, not something "taken away" on a whim as some sort of punishment. I never stopped loving her; I just went into a sort of, "Is this for real?" state of mind for a little bit. As soon as I came around, she was able to confide in me. It's not something she can help. It's a part of her make-up, a part of what makes her who she is. As soon as I came to accept this, I was able to help her.
She'd become depressed around age 12, if not a little younger. It was not due initially due to sexual orientation but because of being molested as a child and the myriad of teasing she received at school ("too fat," etc.). As she'd come to realize herself as a sexual being and her true preferences, she sank into a depression. She turned to cutting (She still struggles with it, but I understand how it works having cut in the past myself, so I don't sit and judge her, just let her talk if she's willing/needs to.) quite chronically as well as bulimia (She has overcome this.). Our talks provided her some comfort and I believe still do to some extent. Depression still plagues her from time to time because of her situation, but she has realized life is what it is and you have to learn to focus that energy elsewhere. Unfortunately, she's ventured to some poor choices regarding where to focus that, but that doesn't mean everyone will.
My sister has yet to tell my dad or anyone else in the family because the economy's still so bad in our area she and her friends haven't been able to get jobs to try to get a place together, and she doesn't want to come out while still living in my parents' house. Why? Because my mom even agrees with us that he'd kick her out. He's made comments about how he wishes he could make sure no homosexual ever comes in his house and how disgusted he is to think that my sister may have "some" as friends. (These are his terms, not mine.)
I say all this to say: you are not alone. You are not the only person going through this situation. It's an unfortunate fact. You are a human being with feelings and needs and desires just as anyone else is. You should be guaranteed to be treated as such regardless of what a person thinks of your sexual orientation. Unfortunately, there are a lot of double standards held by people. No longer do people regard, "Love your neighbor as yourself," or "Do unto others as you would have them do to you," or "Judge not lest ye be judged." Everything seems to be about judgment and being better and superior in these sorts of circles that shun homosexuality.
I have no better advice to you than this: Hang in there. Life can and will get better. Start doing some journaling. I know it's hard to want to when I'm sure you'd be afraid of them finding and reading it, but you can try keeping it with you at all times (Seriously, don't make my sister's mistake and keep it in your backpack if you take it to school. Keep it on your person.). A bit of a hassle, but honestly, journaling helps with depression. It gets your thoughts out on a page, it helps you explore what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. Sometimes, you find out something's bugging you you didn't even know was.
When you feel the urge to cut, go grab an ice cube instead. Hold it in your hand til it's completely melted (Might keep a towel with you so you don't get water everywhere.), but while it's melting, distract yourself with something you enjoy. A walk, a bike ride, some music (happy, not sad), a comedy, a good book, etc.
And please, please, please! Talk to your school's counselors. If there are any friends who aren't gossipers, talk to one of them (be sure they know it's in confidence, that they can't tell anyone.). Try to get out of your house whenever possible. There's a park outing planned? Great! Go to it. Invited to a trip to the mall? Go. Invited to a slumber party? A birthday party? Avoidance is usually not a good thing, but trust me, in this sort of situation, it may be best.
The only thing I do recommend you DON'T go to is if a party is planned where it's just people your age with a few "cool" adults, if you catch my drift. Alcohol will not solve your problems, and underage drinking can get you in trouble. Not to mention, there's always the chance of someone deciding something illegal to all people of any age is good to try.
Your situation is tough and it's got to be extremely difficult to be in.
Hang in there. I know it's hard right now, but one day you will graduate, get a job, find a place of your own, and be able to get out of that situation. Keep your eye on the future, on your hopes and dreams. Don't let them die just because your family is judgmental and prejudiced. Let them be all the stronger for it. Let yourself become all the stronger for it.
It was hard for me when she first came out to me. I mean, I'd just gotten out of a strict Christian private school, but I came around within a few months because I got away from that judgmental atmosphere and realized she's my sister and love should be unconditional, not something "taken away" on a whim as some sort of punishment. I never stopped loving her; I just went into a sort of, "Is this for real?" state of mind for a little bit. As soon as I came around, she was able to confide in me. It's not something she can help. It's a part of her make-up, a part of what makes her who she is. As soon as I came to accept this, I was able to help her.
She'd become depressed around age 12, if not a little younger. It was not due initially due to sexual orientation but because of being molested as a child and the myriad of teasing she received at school ("too fat," etc.). As she'd come to realize herself as a sexual being and her true preferences, she sank into a depression. She turned to cutting (She still struggles with it, but I understand how it works having cut in the past myself, so I don't sit and judge her, just let her talk if she's willing/needs to.) quite chronically as well as bulimia (She has overcome this.). Our talks provided her some comfort and I believe still do to some extent. Depression still plagues her from time to time because of her situation, but she has realized life is what it is and you have to learn to focus that energy elsewhere. Unfortunately, she's ventured to some poor choices regarding where to focus that, but that doesn't mean everyone will.
My sister has yet to tell my dad or anyone else in the family because the economy's still so bad in our area she and her friends haven't been able to get jobs to try to get a place together, and she doesn't want to come out while still living in my parents' house. Why? Because my mom even agrees with us that he'd kick her out. He's made comments about how he wishes he could make sure no homosexual ever comes in his house and how disgusted he is to think that my sister may have "some" as friends. (These are his terms, not mine.)
I say all this to say: you are not alone. You are not the only person going through this situation. It's an unfortunate fact. You are a human being with feelings and needs and desires just as anyone else is. You should be guaranteed to be treated as such regardless of what a person thinks of your sexual orientation. Unfortunately, there are a lot of double standards held by people. No longer do people regard, "Love your neighbor as yourself," or "Do unto others as you would have them do to you," or "Judge not lest ye be judged." Everything seems to be about judgment and being better and superior in these sorts of circles that shun homosexuality.
I have no better advice to you than this: Hang in there. Life can and will get better. Start doing some journaling. I know it's hard to want to when I'm sure you'd be afraid of them finding and reading it, but you can try keeping it with you at all times (Seriously, don't make my sister's mistake and keep it in your backpack if you take it to school. Keep it on your person.). A bit of a hassle, but honestly, journaling helps with depression. It gets your thoughts out on a page, it helps you explore what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. Sometimes, you find out something's bugging you you didn't even know was.
When you feel the urge to cut, go grab an ice cube instead. Hold it in your hand til it's completely melted (Might keep a towel with you so you don't get water everywhere.), but while it's melting, distract yourself with something you enjoy. A walk, a bike ride, some music (happy, not sad), a comedy, a good book, etc.
And please, please, please! Talk to your school's counselors. If there are any friends who aren't gossipers, talk to one of them (be sure they know it's in confidence, that they can't tell anyone.). Try to get out of your house whenever possible. There's a park outing planned? Great! Go to it. Invited to a trip to the mall? Go. Invited to a slumber party? A birthday party? Avoidance is usually not a good thing, but trust me, in this sort of situation, it may be best.
The only thing I do recommend you DON'T go to is if a party is planned where it's just people your age with a few "cool" adults, if you catch my drift. Alcohol will not solve your problems, and underage drinking can get you in trouble. Not to mention, there's always the chance of someone deciding something illegal to all people of any age is good to try.
Your situation is tough and it's got to be extremely difficult to be in.
Hang in there. I know it's hard right now, but one day you will graduate, get a job, find a place of your own, and be able to get out of that situation. Keep your eye on the future, on your hopes and dreams. Don't let them die just because your family is judgmental and prejudiced. Let them be all the stronger for it. Let yourself become all the stronger for it.
Hi Elliott,
I am SO sorry You are feeling Bad, Sad and Alone. PLEASE!! don't do anything to hurt YourSelf!! I don't know how to help You with the issues You address but I KNOW there are People here who Can, who Care and who Will offer You Support.....and, I know there are School Counselors and Teachers and Coaches and Pastors, and Preachers and etc., that will help You if You reach out to Them.......and PLEASE don't cut YourSelf any more!! I don't know much about that practice either but I do know it will Solve/will Help NOTHING!! for You to do that to YourSelf. I know You are Emotional but You ALSO have Intellect, so You KNOW SomeWhere, SomeHow within YourSelf that cutting isn't a Positive Solution, Resolution, and that it won't "help". I KNOW You know this!!
All that being said, I have a question for You. Please don't feel offended by my question because I DO NOT JUDGE You, or AnyOne for that matter - but I have often had this question and never AnyOne to ask before. I'm thinking the anonomity here will be helpful as in: You don't know who I am and I don't know who You are - SO, my question: You said You have known You were gay since You were 7 years old. I'm curious to know - how do You (or anyone) know at the age of 7 that You are gay?? How does AnyOne know this?? Speaking for myself, at age 7, I knew NOTHING about Sex or Sexuality, I realized NOTHING about Sexuality, Sexual Preference, etc., etc. How does One know at the age of 7 (OR LESS - as I've heard People say They "knew" even before age 7) that They have a Preference. How does one KNOW this at age 7!!?? AND how does One know that it is a Realization about YourSelf that You can't Share with Others? How does One so Young know all these things??!! This has been a HUGE question in my mind ever since I realized that there were these differences. HOW DOES ONE KNOW AS EARLY AS SEVEN YEARS OF AGE?? what Their Sexual Preference or Choice would be????
Again, please realize I know nothing of this topic BUT, I still question: at the very Young, very "tender" age of 13 - can You? are You? certain of Your Sexual Preference?? Simply, it seems to me age 7 or 13 can't Know, REALLY, can't REALLY KNOW what We might Prefer as an Adult?
I hope You'll respond as I'm totally Sincere in wanting to Know, to Understand, Your perspective about this.
Meantime, HANG IN THERE - NOTHING is so bad that You should "bail", should "check out" of this Life, this World. We all have issues!!, Hurt, Pain, etc., etc. Yours is no greater than SomeOne else!! We are ALL "born in a pit" Some pits are deeper than others, but Our job is to crawl out of "the pit" and take Responsibility for what kind of Adult We CHOOSE to be. It ALL, it ALWAYS comes down to CHOICE. Be Strong!! - I don't know You but I Believe in You!! and I Believe You can make GOOD Choices!!
Sincerely,
Tink
I am SO sorry You are feeling Bad, Sad and Alone. PLEASE!! don't do anything to hurt YourSelf!! I don't know how to help You with the issues You address but I KNOW there are People here who Can, who Care and who Will offer You Support.....and, I know there are School Counselors and Teachers and Coaches and Pastors, and Preachers and etc., that will help You if You reach out to Them.......and PLEASE don't cut YourSelf any more!! I don't know much about that practice either but I do know it will Solve/will Help NOTHING!! for You to do that to YourSelf. I know You are Emotional but You ALSO have Intellect, so You KNOW SomeWhere, SomeHow within YourSelf that cutting isn't a Positive Solution, Resolution, and that it won't "help". I KNOW You know this!!
All that being said, I have a question for You. Please don't feel offended by my question because I DO NOT JUDGE You, or AnyOne for that matter - but I have often had this question and never AnyOne to ask before. I'm thinking the anonomity here will be helpful as in: You don't know who I am and I don't know who You are - SO, my question: You said You have known You were gay since You were 7 years old. I'm curious to know - how do You (or anyone) know at the age of 7 that You are gay?? How does AnyOne know this?? Speaking for myself, at age 7, I knew NOTHING about Sex or Sexuality, I realized NOTHING about Sexuality, Sexual Preference, etc., etc. How does One know at the age of 7 (OR LESS - as I've heard People say They "knew" even before age 7) that They have a Preference. How does one KNOW this at age 7!!?? AND how does One know that it is a Realization about YourSelf that You can't Share with Others? How does One so Young know all these things??!! This has been a HUGE question in my mind ever since I realized that there were these differences. HOW DOES ONE KNOW AS EARLY AS SEVEN YEARS OF AGE?? what Their Sexual Preference or Choice would be????
Again, please realize I know nothing of this topic BUT, I still question: at the very Young, very "tender" age of 13 - can You? are You? certain of Your Sexual Preference?? Simply, it seems to me age 7 or 13 can't Know, REALLY, can't REALLY KNOW what We might Prefer as an Adult?
I hope You'll respond as I'm totally Sincere in wanting to Know, to Understand, Your perspective about this.
Meantime, HANG IN THERE - NOTHING is so bad that You should "bail", should "check out" of this Life, this World. We all have issues!!, Hurt, Pain, etc., etc. Yours is no greater than SomeOne else!! We are ALL "born in a pit" Some pits are deeper than others, but Our job is to crawl out of "the pit" and take Responsibility for what kind of Adult We CHOOSE to be. It ALL, it ALWAYS comes down to CHOICE. Be Strong!! - I don't know You but I Believe in You!! and I Believe You can make GOOD Choices!!
Sincerely,
Tink
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