adult child

[Jbv7]

I have a 20 year old son.  when he turned 18 he thought he owned the world.  Didnt' need school etc.  He did eventually graduate, by the skin of his teeth.  Since he has been 18 he has been couch surfing.  He has been diagnosed with depression and ADD.  he is not a defiantly angry type child and actually fun to talk to when he is not high.  He had to enter a program because he stole with some friends.  This program held him accountable to **** clean for 6 months and do the homework of the program.  He was one of six that graduated out of 18.  went to court and has to do a 2 year probation and his record is expunged.  Now that he is out of the program i feel he is sliding backward into the **** he was in before, that is crapy friends, no job, laying around the house, no ambition, lots of bull talk.  In the past My wife and I have kicked him out to try to get his *** in gear.  He just doesn't care.  My wife allowed hime to come home to battle this court stuff but now that that is over we don't know how to get him going or what we should do.  He has said he wanted to end his life several times in the past.  He is not on any antidepressant as of now.  He was prescribed the medicine but one of the side effects is suicide thoughts.

Any help would be appreciated

[Jbv7]

Ok back again.  He finished his legal crap.  It's all behind him except for 2 years of probation.  And he goes right back to not comming home and hanging Witt the **** heads he always had.  This time he hasn't shown up for a week.  Makes my wife sick.  My feeling is how disrespectful.  Swe show him love and support and he just craps on us.  Havnt heard a peep until today on face book.  His typical rant. " I am soooo sick of feeling depressed.  I level like I shoud do something that would change everything but I know I couldn't take that back" yada, yada, yada.  This is on the public forum mind you.  He just came back from seeing a therapist who prescribed him anti depressants.  But he dosnt go get it filled (block away).  I want to shake the **** out of him.  Not good for wife relationship if I do.  If eel like my hands are tied.  Wife doesn't want to talk about it.

[Jbv7]

prozac, but hasn't used it yet

[nursegirl6572]

Has he sought any professional help?  Therapy?  He is certainly displaying a lot of signs of depression.  It's difficult because the symptoms of depression can mimic someone who is just lazy and uninterested in doing things.

I would encourage him to continue seeking out professional help.  Has he started the new med?  What is it?

[Jbv7]

i know exactly what your saying.  We did put him out.  I told him with out a job or school your on your own.  He doesnt care.  but he is not always like this.  That is the confusing part.  The other night he had suicidal thoughts.  He did not bring them up.  posted on Facebook.  I asked him whats wrong, he said sometimes its just not worth it.  We talked for about an hour then i went to bed.  I woke a 2am to go to the bathroom and heard him crying 2 rooms down.  he was listing to a song.  

We have been tough and have kicked him out, months at a time.  He comes back gets a job, then looses it, gets kicked out.  Just trying to get off the cycle.

[nursegirl6572]

I think your son may be using depression (or other issues) as an excuse for his poor behavior, and to have something to hold over your head (fear of him harming himself) so you don't get tough with him and put him out on his own.  

I would encourage you to set some limits and deadlines for him.  Tell him he has 3 months (or whatever you feel is reasonable) for him to find a job, save some money and get a place of his own.  Also encourage him to continue to seek out professional help for whatever issues he is dealing with.  With the right medication, and the right therapist, he could make some real progress.  Explain to him that you will support him in his recovery and mental health treatment, but will not support him doing nothing.

Continuing to enable him, however, and let him sit around and do nothing, as you recognize, is not the answer...that won't help him in any way, it only encourages the lack of motivation he is displaying.

Very best to you...keep in mind that while he is still young, is is an adult and has made the choices he has on his own..HE is accountable for those decisions, no one else.  Just as he will have to be accountable for being a responsible adult.  Even if you decided to allow him to live with you longer, there should be strict rules about him getting and keeping a job, helping out financially and with the domestic duties at home.  He should not be getting a free ride.

[Dolphinleiker]

alot of antidepressant have a side effect of suicidal thoughts. You just need to find the right one and to do that he needs to take the meds and see how they work. He may not experience any side effects. The side effects are different for each person not everyone will have suicidal thoughts, decreased sex drive, or gain weight etc... the only way to find out is for him to take the meds.