all I can think of is death

[kuroneko]

Lately, I feel really depressed and sad.
I just feel like there is no meaning in living and it's better to just die.

Is it just all the pressure from school and stuff?
I just don't know what to do.

[kuroneko]

Gahhh ... so long ...
I went into depression again T___T
I went as far as just cutting myself. I couldn't stand it anymore ... and Valentine's was just to sad this year. Two nights ago, I woke up with a random scar on my arm too.

I don't know what to do = =

[Athena_M]

You're in love!  That's great!  When you are in love it is hard to not think about the guy.  It's tough to concentrate on work when all you can think about is how much you love your man.  That is perfectly normal.  I used to daydream about whoever I was dating alot especially during math classes.  
My husband is a good listener and sometimes he jokes around too.  I think men will do that.  They will listen to your heartache and then tell a joke.  Anything to make you smile or laugh.    
Every friend is different.  Some people are good listeners some people seem like they don't really care but deep down they do.  Maybe they don't know how to respond to you the way you want them.  Some of my friends are the same way.  I'm sure all your friends love you and care about you.  It's very normal to have the type of friends that you do.  
Older people are usually really good at understanding and listening.
Take care
Hugs
Athena

[kuroneko]

I can't drop school right now because my parents always wanted me to go to this school. It's not like I'm getting bad grades right now, but I have a feeling that I will if I continue feeling depressed and sad, I have a feeling I will have bad grades. I have a blog where I write how I feel, or thought each day; to get all my angers out. The person I have fallen in love is someone who understands where I am right now. He is willing to hear what I have to say, but at the same time jokes around with me. I feel that the friends in the same grade as me, are not as helpful as the people who are older than me. I'm not saying all my friends can't help me, but some of my friends do not even help me at all. I feel lonely and betrayed when I think that they don't even care about me.
Just like how girls have their time, when they just think about guys ... I have a feeling I'm at that time right now. I can only think of him when I am not studying or doing work. I don't know how to control this feeling. All my friends say is "Just forget about him and study." How though? How do I stop forgetting? It's not as easy to stop. Having all the stress with school and activities outside of school is mixing and making me confused with all the things that just run in my mind. >.<

[joanna28]

well when i was at school all icould think off was death to,just didnt want to live anymore,as i was being bullied,i found myself after school sitting in my room writing letters to my loved ones,for them to read after i had gone,it was a cry for help,what is making u feel this way?what is happening in ur life?in school etc?can u speak to anyone?or even write it all down,and speak to some one u trust,what age r u?there is light at the end off the darkness,i dont think u want die,u r just crying out for help.life will get better,my wee sister had to leave school cause off all the pressure and a bit off bullying,and panic attacks,so it school was getting her so sad and down that she left school and was better for her to get a teacher that comes out to your house,ask me anything if helps u,is anything else making u want to die?do u have anyone to talk to?and as im 28 now and i get thoughts that i want to die and cant go on,i think off the people i would leave behind and they would never get over my death,we deserve to live like everyone else,get intouch and take care,and share ur problems,x

[kuroneko]

I am not in collage. I am a high school student.
There's too many things that I have to think and do and I'm loosing sight of what is important to me. I have to always do studies and not have a time for myself. My teachers told me to think more of what I want to do, besides what others want me to do. I can't seem too find that outlet yet = =.
I did loose my grandmother last year in Jan. and in this school year, my ex broke up with me. Knowing what can happen in a high school relationship, I like someone right now, and I'm confused with all the feelings I have. It's not that I'm REALLY mad at my friends, but because of this big mood swing, I just can't control my feelings.

[Athena_M]

Is there some sort of loss that you have had that makes you feel so sad and depressed?  
Medication can make you feel better and I think you may need that.  
There are other things you can do to make yourself feel better.
Dance is good for the mind and it reduces alot of stress.  I take bellydance classes and it is so good to lift depression.  You can go on You tube and watch some lessons.  We get a high from dancing and watching others dance.  
Are you in college?  Stress from school is really hard and you need an outlet.  When I got stressed in college I would open up my favorite magazine and try to forget about school for a while.  
I hope you feel better.  
Yes depression affects your eating habits.  Also what we eat affects our moods too.    
Why do you hate your friends?  What are you really angry about?  
Blaming yourself might just be a bad habit.  How was your childhood?   Does that affect your depression?
Take care
Hugs and Blessings
Athena
  

[kuroneko]

Is there any way I can stop this feeling without using medications?
Lately I'm hungry during some period of time, but at other times, I'm just not hungry. Does my depression have affect to this?
When I feel like I'm hating my friends, is that a sign I'm showing my anger in a negative way?
If I keep on blaming myself, I know that it's bad for me, and its going to put me more depressed. I just always feel pressured and have to be blamed. Why do I feel that why?

[Athena_M]

Please go see a doctor/psychiatrist.  I have felt the way that you do and I have to tell you that there are medications that will make you feel better.  They will help with the crying and help eliminate suicidal thoughts.  You like me have a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Your brain is not producing the right amount of serotonin.  I hope you can get some professional help.
Hugs
Athena

[kuroneko]

It all came back again -.-
I'm crying every night when I just talk about the pain and stress I have to a friend. Every time, I tell them "no one cares", "no one likes a person like me", etc. I feel like my friends are betraying me ... leaving me behind. Is it my fault that I'm not telling them how I feel (stress and pain)? Like ... they just say I'm being a *****, crying about all the little problems. Worthless crying. I think that is what they want to tell me. I don't know who to trust. I feel like I can't trust myself. Am I the one who should feel guilty? Should I be blamed for everything?

[pixie712]

tried to remember ,this will pass ,sometimes we tired to hard,i can remember one time thinking ,will i ever be happy,and i am and if i get sad i know it will pass and it does,you will over come this and be more in control of your life,happy to you,you are a good person,pixiesue

[Athena_M]

I've been taking a B-12 vitamin and have been feeling better.  B-12 deficiency leads to feelings of guilt and depression.  I saw it on the show "House", but it is true.  One doctor tested me and said I was low on B-12.  Maybe you should try one supplement a day.  And have a doctor test you for deficiency.  
Also fish oil/Omega  can combat depression.
One dark chocolate square can lift depression too.  I hope you can try these things to make you feel better.  
You really do need someone to talk to maybe a counselor at your school.  Writing your thoughts in a journal can help too.  
Dancing is really really good for us too.    

[laih]

time to get professional help like counseling and seeing psychologist,friends are very important in this as they can encourage and support you. i myself is suffering depression and thank God that my friends are really supportive.do update us and take care.

[kuroneko]

Thank you for all the help.
Little by little ... I think, I am getting better.
I don't think I am really being positive to myself, but I'm not being as negative to myself as before. I still believe I am stressed and depressed, because I come home with a big headache everyday. During the day, it's hard to concentrate in classes.
I feel like this is going to happen to me again and I feel like it's coming soon. There are times where I can just forget about everything, but those times are rare to me now. I can hide it from my friends and family, but I know I can't hide it to myself. It's somewhere inside of me, just getting ready to burst again.
What should I do so it doesn't happen again?

[slattery]

I feel for you kuroneko. I've struggled with depression throughout some very dark periods (I'm glad I'm still here). I ask you to trust that things will get better again; perhaps not perfect overnight, but better. One reason I believe this is that I suspect, in your heart, at least from time-to-time, you know you probably don't deserve to be so self-critical. You know it but maybe can't help feeling that way. Many of us need help coping with great stress. I know I do. Unproductive thoughts, worries and constant self-criticism consume us and nothing is left for handling the responsibilities of our daily lives. There are "reasons why" for your pain and with time you will sort them out, one-by-one. I don't know your issues of course but I strongly believe that if you show yourself a little patience, you will make progress and learn to become more at peace with yourself. Remember, you don't deserve the continual criticism (from within) or the pain you experience.
You always have the online community here to provide support. People here care for you. Hang in there kuroneko.

[Homeschooler]

I don't know how old you are, and if you are in school or college, but I will divulge a secret that very few know. When I was in the 9th grade, I took and overdose. I could not think of any reason to live...just saying it sounds dramatic, but when you feel that way, it is a pain that goes to the very core of your being. You feel as though you are totally alone, and that there is no-one that could possibly understand what you are going through. But please believe me when I say, there are thousands upon thousands that know exactly what you are going through. No I don't know the particulars of your situation, but I do know the unbelievable dread that brings one to the point of suicide. What I want you to think about is this: Think of a time (maybe a year ago) when things were not so good, then think about something good that happened, anything good,,,ie.. you meet a new friend, or joined a church, or found something you had been looking for. Then maybe you felt bad again, right before something good happened again. Until you finally reached this point where you think it is just to much to handle. My point is, that life is full of positive and negative happenings, but it is how you handle it that can really make the difference. I know it sounds too easy to be true, and it does require that you apply some effort, but I promise you, it is worth the effort!! I have struggled most of my life with depression, and there has never come another time when I thought about ending my life. It started changing when I really realized that there were people who would be devastated if I were gone. I started thinking about them. Another "trick" if you will, was to do things for others, like helping an elderly neighbor with cleaning their house/yard or with their groceries. Or volunteering at a food line. It is really hard to concentrate on our own concerns, when we are giving to others. When you start realizing the difference you are making in others lives, you will begin to have a joy in your own life that you couldn't possibly imagine! REMEMBER THIS: SUICIDE IS PERMINATE!! Life is ever changing, and I promise you through it all, you will have MANY happy times, and they will far out-weigh the bad. It is just that when we are caught in the moment of term-ole, we can't see past it to the good. But trust me, the good is right around the corner. I can't tell you how long before you reach that corner, but I can tell you that it is there. Moreover, you really need to see a counselor for guidance and support. If you would like to talk more about this, or about anything, please feel free to contact me. May God bless you and I will pray for you each night.

[Athena_M]

I felt the same way when I got overwhelmed with school work.  Always do your schoolwork in a public setting.  Never alone in your room.  Also try Vitamin B-12.  When we get depressed we are usually low in this vitamin.  
Try some affirmations.  Like:  I am a wonderful person.  I am going to have a good relationship.  Say these things to yourself over and over again until you believe them.
Hugs to you

[Cris102789]

You are not that bad at all.  Perhaps, you should quit thinking about that things.  It will just ruin yourself. Having low self esteem, is not that bad. Here is my tip, try not to think about what others think about you.  Just be yourself and go along with life the way you want to.  Your problem perhaps, is much more minor than mine.  Always think about that thousands of people out there, or even millions are having much more greater problems than yours.  But inspite of all of this, they still strive hard to survive.  Just think about it.  Oh before I forgot, always think of the man who died on teh cross for saving your soul.  Make him your inspiration.  After all, pleasing the people around will bring you no good.  Just do what you think is right and what would make you happy.  Have a good day. And please take those kind of stuffs out from your head.  I've been that stage, and I failed. I don't want the same thing will happen to you.

[Cherie762]

You know its ok to say NO right..you dont have to do every favor or accept every invitation.

[mammo]

These things can be handled on your own.  School work can be demanding, but couple that with relationship problems and it makes it difficult to get things done. You need to prioritize things in your life.  Is this relationship worth stressing over?  Don't allow low self esteem to allow you to stay in a bad realtionship, not fair to you and will do nothing for your self-esteem. If you're making all the efforts with this person then it may be time to move on.  You need to realize that you are a wonderful person, and look at all your good attributes, and dwell on these.  Negative thoughts about yourself do a lot of harm.  The best way to head off negative thinking is with the "rubber band" therapy.  Keep a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you start a negative thought, you need to snap it hard, and it will sting, but it will also stop the negative thought.  At first you will be snapping it alot, and then after a week or so you will find yourself doing it less. It's good that you are so generous with others, a wonderful trait, but make sure you're not doing things to compensate for your low self esteem and to make friends.  This doesn't get you true friends, only ones who stick around for all you can do for them.  People enjoy being around people who are upbeat and positive, and the more you practice this, the more you will become this way.  Never say negative things about yourself, ever.  We all questions ourselves from time to time, but don't allow it to make you an insecure person.  You sound very bright and have every reason to feel good about yourself, work on doing this.  Be willing to stand up for yourself and speak your mind in different situations this will show people that you do have an opinion and people respect others who know what they want and will stand up for what they feel is right.  It gains you not only self respect but respect from others.  You can do this, work on "you" and all the wonderful things about you.  Take care......

[kuroneko]

I think my major problems are:
- school work
- stressing over a wanted relationship
- peer pressure: from the beginning, I have low self-esteem. People do say I am too negative to myself, but I'm too kind to others

I need help getting ride of these problems I guess.

[Cherie762]

I was put on a wonderful med..its called Lamictal,,purpose, to stop "racing thoughts" its used for anti seisure too....racing thoughts are when you constantly think of your worries..you are still able to do all normal activites drive etc,,it does not take away problem solving or lodgic or reacting to an emergency situation..example some jerk braked hard and way too soon to come to red light..I breaked hard and fast switched lanes to avoid hitting him

ask your dr.

[mammo]

There is so much to live for, you're just not able to see it all right now.  It sounds like you are extremely over-whelmed, as we all get from time to time.  But if it is so severe that you feel dying is better, you may want to talk to someone about all this. Sometimes we can unknowingly do this to ourselves.  Try talking to a parent or school counselor to see what you can do to not feel so stressed.  If this is to the point where it's interfering with your day to day life, then you need to get help with this.  Dying is never the answer, we don't know what awaits us, and it may be worse.  You have much purpose in life and deserve to live a happy one. Try to see the good in your life, take a deep breath and think about what you can do to not feel so stressed.  We're glad you're here, and there are many who have been where you are and by getting help are happy they didn't do anything foolish, and have found their purpose in life.  We're here for support, and everyone understands how you are feeling.  Pressure can do a lot, so look at what you can do to ease this pressure yourself, maybe you're expecting too much of yourself. Take care....