1477979 tn?1288010294

am i depressed??

hello, i ve had quite a difficult year.. i was told in december 09 when i was 18 weeks pregnant with my second child that the baby had many problems with her heart and other things and she would not survive and i was expected to miscarry or if i did get full term nothing could be done for her and she would die, it was the hardest dicision of my life to have a induced miscarrage on the 20th december 09 as i could nt cope with the thought of going full term only to have her die and experience any pain the docs said it would ne kinder to end it now or if i had a miscarrage it may be hard?? i gave bith to her aftter 7 hours of labour. i found it difficult to grieve bacause when i cried when i was told she would die at the scan it hurt that much i refused to ever feel that hurt again so up came the barriers and i held it in for a whole 2 months refused to go out i just was nt me!!! eventually i eccepted that this horrible thing did happen to me and i grieved, i then returned to work 3 months after losing her, then my uncle died suddenly aged 45 he just dropped dead .......... a month after my grandad passed away i could nt believe it he was only stood waving to me at his front door 6 days before! but im glad i saw him happy and not led in bed waiting to die ...  after all these knock backs as well as trying to concieve i booked a holiday with friends and family for sept 2010 to take my mind off stuff and it did the trick i had a fantastic holiday i loved every minute of it, the day i got back i found out i was pregnant i though YES things are starting to go my way and i felt great! only to be told at 8 weeks the sac was empty and id had a silent miscarrage. i had a d&c 2 weeks ago. and ye im pretty gutted that after 7 months of trying to concieve i lost another child. im currently off work recovering from the op, im going back to work on monday though.
Although im upset i lost another baby im ok cause i ve got the most supportive loving husband and my son who i love sooooo much . they are both the reason i get up every day my husband has a good job and we are without nothing we both have nice cars and lovely house and great family and friends.
But recently i cant sleep at night in fact i dont get tired at all?? i lie in bed everynight for hours until i finally drop off to sleep which is nt like me at all im usually asleep with in minutes of getting into bed i love my bed you see!!  but hese past 2 weeks i hate it coz i just cant get to sleep, once im asleep im ok accept the horrible dreams im having and its always about some thing bad happening to some one close to me the other night it was about my son, i could nt wake him up and they said he s gone do you understand he,s gone and you ll never cuddle him again or hear his voice then i woke up.. all day i thought about that dream on how i could nt lose my son and now im thinking stuff all the time like how else can i protect him even more ! (dont i sound daft)  i know it was just a night mare but it was horrible. i ve also been having constant head aches i have suffered migrains from being 12 years old but i only usually get them occasionally like when im stressed worried tired or poorly, these are not migrains im getting i can deffinatly appreciate the difference! but they are annoying just a constant ache i know they are prob just cause im tired even though i dont feel tired.
anyway i dont feel stressed or depressed i am happy with everything i have the occasional down day or moment and get tearful .. but after talking to a friend she thinks i am depressed even though i dont feel it she thinks its all bacause of whats happened to me and bacause i wont cry over the baby i lost last week its not coz im not upset i just cant cry?? maybe i feel its a sign of weakness and i am a strong person and dont want to lose that?
but what is wrong with me? why the dreams why dont i get tired ? why am i getting paranoid about things happening to my son like him falling and hurting him self i just want to spoil him all the time he s such a good boy. why do i get tearful ?
i have beed taking tramacet for my head aches and when i take them i feel wonderful sooo happy and so calm and so motivated, they also make my sex drive VERY high, its hard to describle but they make me feel great i only take 1 a day usually aat about 1pm depending on how bad the head ache is and if i need a top up i ll have 1 more before bed i could take 2 tabs 4 times a day but i dont as 1 tab does the trick usually. I know im gonna have to stop taking the tramacet once the head aches stop even though i would like to keep taking 1 a day just for the happy feeling i get.. (i dont take the tramacet every day only when needed although some times i take 1 if im feeling low )
im going to see the doctor tomorrow but im not gonna tell her about how the tramacet make me feel coz i know she ll think im getting addicted and refuse to give me anymore if i even nedded them for severe migains but should i mention every thing else? i dont want to take depression meds as im hoping when i return to work on monday i might be tired and it may help with the sleep issue also with work it make give me some thing else to think about instead of worrying about silly things what pop up in my dreams
so am i depressed?? or am i ok and should just carry on as i am??
sorry its such a long post!!  gratful for any feed back xx
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1477979 tn?1288010294
no i ve never tried antidepressents before even though i ve been offerd them by my doctor, im back at work now and my sleep routine has returned but the head aches continue so im still taking the tramacet on a daily basis, i dont feel stressed at all and know usually stress is the cause of migrains for me! i will wait another week or so if the headaches have nt gone i will go back to the doctor x thanks for you help x
Helpful - 0
1291268 tn?1274810922
I wish you all the best.  Hang in there good things will happen again.
I have considered tramadol for nerve pain and it has antidepressant qualities as well.  My current doctor won't prescribe me pain medication other then anticonvulsants.  I have to be 'terminal' before he'll do so.  Big help huh!  It's ok to be addicted to these though without much pain relief either.
My daughter has had problems with miscarrages too but is now 10 months along and doing fine.  Her OBGYN put her on some type of blood thinner which she's had to inject herself with every day.  They believed her problems were caused by blood clots before and this seems to be doing the trick so far.  Keeping our fingers crossed.  She has 2 children already also.
Your migraines are stress related?  Have you ever tried antidepressants?
Well take care and God bless.
Helpful - 0
1477979 tn?1288010294
hi thanks for you comment im not actually pregnant now! i started taking tramacet after having the operation to remove the silent miscarrage 2 weeks ago they just give me a boost of energy and make me feel great as well as taking the headaches away!  id never ever take tablets while pregnant after loosing 2 babies id never risk anything i am trying to concieve again though and i know tramacet wont help to concieve but they definatly boost my sex drive.. i will go see doctor today and see what advice she can give as i really just want to get rid of the head aches and be able to sleep at a normal time hopfully by returning to work on monday may knock me back into routine and tire me out eh!
Helpful - 0
1291268 tn?1274810922
I would think that anyone who has experienced what you have recently would be depressed.
It's natural under the circumstances.  Some people bounce back quickly from things like this but I'd think that is unusual.  
Depression is frequently accompanied by anxiety.and both interfer with sleep and cause excess fear and paranoia.  You should consider counseling with someone trained in helping those who've experienced the loss you have.  
Tramacet may not be the best solution for your migraines and especially while pregnant.


The euphoria you get from it will tend to amplify the depression symptoms you have been experiencing.  Although I can certainly appreciate your situation as much as a man can I guess. I wish my meds would produce some euphoria once in awhile. :-)
Finally I think you would benefit from a support group consisting of women who have miscarried and together help each other learn to cope with the loss.  Check out the forum available here as well.  
Helpful - 0
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