am i ill?? cant stop sleeping around

[confusedmammy3]

27 yrs old with 3 children!! I have been with my partner 4 9 yrs, in 2009 I gave birth to a baby girl at 18 wks gestation, she had spina bifita in the same year my partner cheated on me which broke my heart! I'm not sure what's going on, since then I have been depressed but meds don't seem 2 work, 4 the past year when me and my partner argue n I feel low I can't stop myself from sleeping around (cheating) with other men! I no its wrong and wen I'm finished I'm sick coz I feel disgusting, I can't help it! Am I ill? Or am I unhappy n sleeping around coz I want to? When we r happy I wouldn't dream of doing anything! I'm asking coz I'm getting worried I'm starting to sleep with people I don't know, can someone help??

[jaffacake666]

I know how you feel I split with my long term partner we hadnt had sex for 12 months said he didnt want sex and we could still love each other without it I felt rejected ugly fat old !! so when we split I was depressed for 6 months didnt go out hated myself hated men then I stared internet dating all these men telling me I was sexy and beautiful made me feel good about myself again in 4 months Ive been on 16 dates and slept with 8 men!!! just because I want to be part of a relationship for a while have sex so I can be close to someone!!! cant have a relationship if they want to see me again and get too close I tell them I dont want to see them again!! I totally know where you are coming from its to just be with someone to pretend and feel good about yourself for a while!! I dont know what the answer is I hope Im not going to always be like this sat here alone now had man here today he just comes here for sex hes now left i feel dirty and used but will do it again!!

[nursegirl6572]

That's why I asked.  Life is not sustainable ay 18 weeks.  I thought perhaps it was a typo?

[specialmom]

Some do get a really skewed idea of sex and use it as a band aid.  It creates a high.  When depressed, someone would be more vulnerable that.  This is the time to ask for help and seek therapy of an intensive nature.  Medication should be brought on bourd for depression and talk therapy needs to address the behavior, the why's and strategies for self control.  This is self destructive behavior.  I really feel for anyone that has taken this route to self soothe a sore spot within themselves.  The goal would be to work on that sore spot so that you can have a healthy relationship with a partner.  

I didn't think a child could live at 18 weeks gestation.  Is this the child with the kitten?

[nursegirl6572]

Did you make a typo in saying 18 weeks gestation?

[awakeandtired69]

I am 26 and am having a similar problem. It started when I was with my boyfriend. I started seeing one guy, then another, then I was full blown having semi relationships with these other men while I was with my boyfriend of 8 yrs. It got to the point where one night I just simply didn't come home. I thought these men were going to save me. Take me out of the situation I was in and be great father figures to my son because his own Dad is a horrible father. The next day after I didn't come home, I moved out. I continued seeing both men for a while. Eventually one of them told me I would never be good enough for him. The other one continued to use me until he found someone else and started a relationship with them. I even seen him a few times while he was with his girlfriend. But, I didn't stop there. I slept with about 7 other men as well. Some of them were friends of the two men I had been sleeping with. I thought maybe I was a sex addict, but I'm not. I do it for the feeling of closeness. I wanted to feel wanted and it's exactly what I get when I spend those few hours with whoever I feel is entertaining me at the time. I'm trying to ivercome this, but I get lonely and I feel like I need someone so I make the call at midnight so just I have someone to lay next to all night. 10 minutes of meaningless, usually worthless, sex seems like an even trade to me for hours of pretend affection. Problem is, it's getting so old. It's getting lonelier than before. I tried dating someone, it was equally as lonely. I'm personally at a breaking point myself. This isn't really advice, just me venting.

[remar]

This is such great news! I'm so glad you and the kids are doing so well. Please keep us up to date on how everything is going.

[confusedmammy3]

Ye me n kids r doing great! I have heard from him but don't want him 2 have anything 2 do wi us! I have not slept around in god nos how long! I feel happier n just concentrating on my kiddies n waiting 4 mr right 2 turn up lol :) thank u so much every1 x

[remar]

That makes complete sense that you want to feel loved and that is the reason for sleeping around. But, you have stopped doing that. Good for you because it is so dangerous in so many ways.
So you and the kids are doing alright on your own?
Either he realizes what he did wrong and is ashamed, or he just does'nt care. Not want you want to hear, I know. If that's the case though that he just does'nt care you are so much better off without him. Concentrate on yourself and children. That's what is important.

[confusedmammy3]

Erm I'm not sure how I feel, this might sound so stupid but I like the 10 mins ov feelin loved after wards, I just want to b loved! I aint done it in ages! No I do it all alone n I'm happy with that! No support at all I don't no where he is!

[Jking0302]

I use to sleep around, not cheat, but just have a lot of casual sex, still came with that disgusting feeling, I think I thought I was worthless and was trying to punish myself. Are you blaming yourself for something?

[Hobby10]

Sorry to hear you are having problems.  If a guy hits you and can escalate over time and get worse.  So be very careful and protect the kids first and foremost.  As far as sex,  please b careful there to--- because of diseases and what it may do to the kids.  If you get lonely or depressed I would suggest counseling or talking to us.  If you were hit you may b able to get free counseling in your area due to domestic violence.  You may want to ask local police station for any local resources they may know of.  Take care of you.  Best wishes.

[remar]

If he is physically abusive then it's best that you stay away from him before he does something permanent, if you know what I mean.
Is he doing anything to help support your children financially ?Are you getting help from family and friends?

[confusedmammy3]

No we are completely ova! Aint had any contact, n I'm rather angry he has not seen or contacted our children!

[remar]

You were asked those questions because it could explain why you're being promiscuous and why you're in an abusive relationship. Many people can have depression and low self esteem after something like that happens.
How are you doing, did you get back together with your partner?
I'm still recommending counseling for you. I think it would really help.

[confusedmammy3]

No my dad has always been in my life! But howeva the abuse u were askin about wen I was 5 I was abused by a 11 year old n last year I put myself in a stupid situation were I was raped by 2 men ! Wot r the reasons u ask?

[Poo44clooner]

It sounds like with all the trauma that has happened in your life you had to soothe yourself with something. Some people use drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs. I am not an expert but since you can't control yourself ,it sounds like you have a sex addiction. You need professional counseling before you really mess up your life because the people you sleep with you really don't know. They could have a criminal past or diseases. Remember when you sleep with a person you are sleeping with everyone that person has slept with and the chances are very high of STDs or HIV. They may even be mentally unstable and stalk you or hurt you physically or kill you. Your addiction is very dangerous.
Please I urge you to go see a professional and talk it out and get to the root of this addiction.
And please remove yourself and your children from this man who hit you, because if he hit you once, chances are very good that he will do it again and again.Do not fall for his apologies, excuses, or feel sorry for him and give him a second chance.You should not be afraid of the person you love. You are not a punching bag but a person who deserves respect, love, and kindness.
Hope things get better,
Angela

[Rayne122151]

Just want to say hello and first ask is there anyone else in your family who has illustrated this behavior.plz dont take this the wrong way I have a family member who has done this.  Also I would have to ask if you were abused as a child and or was your father absent?believe me I have a good reason to ask these questions??

[remar]

Oh no. I am so sorry to hear he hit you. There never an excuse for a man to lay his hands on a woman. You have to move on from here and you can do this. Find a counselor, think about trying meds again. You may want to think about getting a restraining order against him. Just a suggestion.

[confusedmammy3]

No were finished he hit me! I'm lookin out 4 the kids now!

[remar]

Your welcome. Is this something that your partner may want to do also? It really is worth a try.

[confusedmammy3]

Thank you, never tried but worth a go

[remar]

It sounds like you've answered your own question. To me, it sounds like your sleeping around because your unhappy. You may also be looking for something your lacking in your relationship. Have you and your partner thought about couples counseling? I think it would really help and it's sure worth a try since you've been together so long and have 3 children.