My husband left me after 30 years, I became depressed when my daughter left for college.He didn't know how to help me and didn't really try, he was ok unless a crisis came up, and left because he couldn't handle it. I didn't know I was bi-polar my whole life, my parents said my moods swing were signs of an eccentric artist. I never lived alone, I only worked on the outside part time my entire life, I was a home maker. I'm 54 years old hospitalized twice, I've on Lithium, laminal, clonzapam for six years. I recently had my thyroid taken out so you can add the drug synthroid to the mix because I'm a pin cushion. I've tried to increase my part time business, but it's taking time and I'm running out of money. I came from a very dysfunctional family, and after my divorce, friends changed and pulled away. I have a Daughter 27 years old that has not talked to my ex or me for years, partly the divorce and she wants to work on herself, independent and self sufficient. I tried dating, I have therapist for six years and and a pharmaceutical psychiatrist, so we come to real dilemma I had enough, I feel I had a good life but I don't want to live up and down having my meds tweeted, I'm lonely, scared and I would rather leave this planet, I just got dealt a bad deck of cards. It's one thing to live and love somebody and go through hard times together and finding out your bi-polar, most men do not want a mentally challenged person, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.