deep in depression

[deeplydepressed]

I am deeply depressed and have been for six years I can deal with it but my husband is bi polar and two months ago he stopped taking the med that helped him keep from getting angry all of the time. He won't go back to it and I can't take the verbal abuse. I want to die but I don't want to abandon my pets or hurt my family. But I want to die and be free from the pain of this life. I want so much to cease to exist and not feel the way I do. My family is two thousand miles away and his family only cares about him.  I don't have anyone I can talk to and I really need somone to talk to. He is mad at me for being depressed and it just makes him more abusive and me more depressed. Its a catch 22 and I only see one way out.

[Tired55]

Hi again, I'm not giving up on you but will probably not send you anymore more posts unless I hear from you, would really like to know how you are, it seemed as though your first post was a cry for help. I tried my best, hope some of my advice might have been helpful, if you need to vent I'm here. Tired55

[Tired55]

Hi there, this is Tired55. I just saw your post to deeply depressed, I hope you can get a response, I have written several times but have never heard back so I am worried for this person. It was nice of you to take an interest also and your msg. was great, just hope it is heard. I too am depressed, have had so much bad things going on in my life right now inc. husband having open heart surgery in Oct. Thankfully, he made it through without any major complications, just a few bumps along the way. I too am having trouble with my heart and overall health, but aren;t most of us out there. at least on this site? Well, must go, it is very late and I am very, very tired (a long, long story) , just wish you well and have a good New Year. Tired55

[Poo44clooner]

I am very concerned for you.  I know where you are coming from because I have been there where I wish that I wasn't born and that everyone's life would be better off without me.  I too had no one to talk to and was all one.  Life was unbearable and desired death all the time.  You need to go to your psychiatrist if you don't already have one and tell him what is going on because maybe he has advice for your situation and sounds like your meds are either not working or you need a higher dosage of what you are already taking.
Is it at all possible for you to remove your husband from your house so that you are not abused?  I don't know if you are strong enough to do that. But you need help and that is for certain.  You are too valuable to feel this way. I know that it is hard for you to believe that life is too precious but it truly is. There must be a counselor, friend, suicide hotline when you get desperate, a therapist, anyone for you to talk to and guide you through this bad situation.  You need this.  Perhaps your doc can refer you to someone. YOU need someone on your side who will listen to you and to get all of this pain out of you and find answers and guide you through this situation.
Hope this helps and if you need someone to talk to I am always here.
Angela

[Tired55]

Hi again, this is the last try to reach you. I too am deeply depressed,wish there was a magic pill but none have worked. Life is hard and some of us have a hard time dealing with it, esp. when the people you love are cruel and make you feel useless or insignificant.  A lot of the time you care so much about others but they don't either realize it or just don't care. People can be very mean and it's hard to rise above it. I hope you are still alive as you were talking about suicide and I haven't heard from you since. If you are out there, I wish you a joyful,hopeful, and healthy Christmas and New Year. Tired55

[Tired55]

Never heard back from you, hope you are ok. Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, I know how hard this time of year is, I am struggling and overwhelmed too, but just try and find the good in the people around you and figure out what things you have to be thankful for,ie: food on the table, a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, etc. Not a lecture, just hoping you might see that things could be worse, Happy Holidays.  Tired55

[Tired55]

Hi, hope you are ok, still haven't heard back from you, I am getting very worried, PLEASE let me know how you are, please. If anyone out there has heard from this person would you be kind enough to let me know. Thank you, tired55

[Tired55]

I haven't heard back from you, please let me know how you are doing, I'm worried.  Thank you, Tired55

[Tired55]

Wow, please call a suicide hotline, as you mentioned dying several times which means you are probably really considering doing something. Please don't,call your family and have them come and get you or call any friends or even a minister at a church and tell them how you are feeling. It sounds like you need to get away from your husband. If your state of mind is causing him to be even more abusive he is not the person you need to be with right now.  Yes, your pets need you and so does your family,think about how you would feel if one of them ended their lives without asking you for help or saying goodbye! I speak from experience: I tried taking an overdose years ago, I was suffering from PMDD,postpartum depression (had 3 surgeries during pregnancy and tubal ligation immediately after I had baby) PTSD, and lastly, the med I was taking increased my depression instead of helping it. I was in ICU for a few days; almost left my two beautiful children without a mother and almost destroyed my family as we are very close. In retrospect, it would have been selfish of me to do that to all of them ,and the person I hurt most was myself. It took a while to be able to hold my head up in my community, unfortunately people judge you for your mistakes and seem to forget the good you have in you. You are worthy of being loved and if your husband cannot give you what you need (love, patience, support and understanding to name a few) then you need to break away from your situation now!!You said you only see one way out but believe me please; that is NOT the answer. I know how hard it is to help yourself when you are feeling so hopeless, but just pick up the phone and call someone, even 911 if you don't know who else to call. You need help, and going into a psych ward isn't so bad, they can give you medication and counseling and find the appropriate place for you to go and get the help you need. If you are unable to do this for yourself, email me your phone number or address and I will call for you. Or give me the number to a family member and I will call them. Just hang on please,there IS more than one way out!! I hear your cry for help and I will do what I can if you let me. If not me, please call someone , anyone, there are suicide hotlines that can talk to you in person, that might be better, just don;t do anything to hurt yourself, you will find later; if you can get away from your current situation ,that there is life out there and maybe, just maybe, some time in the future you will be giving this advice to someone else. Also, last but definitely not least, God will hear your cry for help and answer if you really believe and stop to listen!!! Please take care and let me know how you are doing.  Tired55