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depression

Well, I am 23 and have been out of college for about a year now.  It has been the worse year of my life.  I started working and I hate my job but HAVE to keep it for medical benefits and bills/loans.  My best friend died.  My grandma just died and my girlfriend dumped me for another guy 6 months ago.  I was at her house and her new bf accidently showed up while i was there.  I got the point pretty quickly.  I was on top of the world in college.  LOTS of women. tons of friends.... and never experienced a lick of depression.  As soon as I graduated though everything just went to hell.  Lost my friends due to location, lost my gf.  That was mostly my fault I was a crappy bf.  However, I cant get a girl to look at me now for the life of me.  I do have hhigh standards and am just in a living hell.  I cried about 10 times this year and i havent cried since like i was 4.  Its brutal and every day I struggle with over thinkin about who my ex gf is gettin with, with how much my job *****, and how lonely and routine my life is.  I know most people have ten times worse lives and problem but i am stuck in a tornado of depression and can not get out of it.  I dont want sympathy or anthing i just want advice on how to snap out of this...... it ***** and I dont like it at all.  I have though about suicide but could never do that to my family.  that would be way too selfish and im not like that.  I think the fact that my ex gf has guys all over her and i cant pay for a girl right now is what is really ancoring my depression.  any advice would be great. thanks!  
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82861 tn?1333457511
The first thing you need to realize is that depression isn't something you just "snap" out of.  You've done a great job identifying the stressors in your life, which is the first step in the process to feeling better.

You're in a very scary stage of life right now.  Trust me, you aren't the only young person who wakes up one day realizing that he's out on his own in the big bad world and wonders how he got there.  Those party years of college may be over and responsbility weighs heavily on your shoulders, but that doesn't mean you'll never have good times again.

Some of the things that are getting you down are within your control to change; others are not.  You cannot control death, but you can work on your reaction to it.  You can't control how other people behave (your ex girlfriend); but you can control your own reaction to not having her in your life.  You may be able to control your working life by looking for another job while you learn better ways to cope with the one you have and hate.  You can control who you let into your life - or not.  If you're lonely, it's time to say goodbye to college acquaintances and make some new solid relationships.

Your life has been pretty chaotic and it sounds like you're focusing on your ex-girlfriend as the catalyst for everything that has gone wrong.  Sure, she behaved abominably, but those were her actions and sins, NOT yours.  Finding another girlfriend will not fix your life.  Only you can do that.

I urge you to put that insurance of yours to good use and talk to a psychiatrist, or at least begin the process with your primary care physician.  There is no shame in doing so, and you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  It took me decades to finally get over the message from my family that depression was a character flaw and I should just suck it up and deal.  When I finally got on an antidepressant and talked to a psychologist my life got exponentially better.  I could kick myself for waiting so long!  All those years of self-imposed misery were totally unneccessary.

Until you can get going with therapy and perhaps medication, try not to make any more major life changes.  We don't usually make good decisions while in the midst of depression.  Look at getting treatment as a stepping stone to taking back control of your life.  It's a first step, and naturally it's the most difficult one.  After that it's only going to get better.  :-)
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