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depression

i have been suffering with depression i think ever since my son took his own life 6 years ago,but i never really new it back then,till my daughter did the same thing, i miss them so much that i feel suicidal my self. i feel nobody is hearing me when i tell them.i feel i am not here anymore.my g.p.put me on 150mg.of lustral a day.how can one tablet take the place of your children.i am also in therapy and she is so good with me,but i cant get it out of my head i am wasting there time,and would be better of with my two children,i know my thoughts are not right and its driving me mad ,i just dont know what to do .any kind of feed back would be great.
17 Responses
424549 tn?1308519102
A few colleagues and I talked about this this week. What is it that makes the warnings less and less alarming when someone repeatedly tells they don't want to live? Is it because nothing happened last time or is it because a good time and talk was spent?

I am extremely sorry to hear about the loss of your children. I can't imagine how it must be. What I do know is the void after the loss of a parent - the fear of facing the same that she went through (depression, loneliness, uncertainty of what future can bring)...

You are absolutely not wasting a therapists time - talking and sorting your horrible experiences is something you do for YOU, for your future, to identify your grief and adjust to this. 6 years might sound like a long time but it isn't. Those years hold a lot - probably a little bit of everything. There's so much more I'd like to say to you right now, but what I will say is: you are right. A pill can really not replace anyone and that is not its mission. It's got to be great to do this together with someone professional. You feel, you are - and yes, one day you can live with this too. 22 years has gone, and sure I react with a freeze when someone mentions suicide and talks about losses. It is always going to be part of who we became. There are many phases of grief, if we should phase it up. Grief can't be generalized, but it is some more marked things we all go through - the shock, denial, anger, acceptance, and new orientation. I'm sure I forgot something, but the most important thing is: You can grieve and adjust to these losses too. No matter.

Do check back,
Florena
Avatar universal
thank you for telling me i am not wasting my therapists time ,my daughter was just 17 years old when she took her life.two and a half years ago she was my best friend and daughter,my son was 24.he was so quite,i cant cry and i wish i could.thats my prob i cant grief i am stuck between my two children.i have asked god to take me to them, but he wont,it will take me years to wont it,and by then i will have lived a very lonely life.i have  two other children a boy hes 11 years old and a girl she is 27,there is such a big gap in there lives to.they are getting the best of help,but there so cut up.i wish god would take the rest of us,then we would be together,florena im sorry for talking like this but thats how i talk now.i dont think like i used to because i get so down at times.
424549 tn?1308519102
It can be extremely overwhelming, the grief at times. Many hugs and lots of thoughts and prayers to you.

When you feel this burdened, do you go to your therapist more often?

It is important that you tell the therapist what you struggle with - such as now.
Thank you for sharing this much, I do really appreaciate it. It makes it a little easier to understand the situation. A loss like yours is definitely life-changing.

Florena
Avatar universal
Hi Bell,
I am so sorry for you and your family to have to go through this in your life,
14 years ago i lost a fiance to suicide and i thought i would never get over it. you do go from greiving to anger to sorrow, the hardest part is u will always be missing them, but you need to be strong for your other children they need you more then you could ever imagine, i know it is the last thing that u want to think about right now but together your family can become one again it will just take a little more time,
please be strong it will get easier i promise.

your family will be in our preys.
Avatar universal
hi caroleilleen,thank you for your reply,my son had a fiance when he died,he also had a son corey off only 10 weeks old at that time,i know what you said is through about greiving,anger,and sorrow,but as you said the hardest part is the missing of them and nothing can make up for that,so how do you cope,when that hits you,because when i feel that i just want to die,all my two children see of me is my body,i just cant feel anymore,i was just starting to get strong again when my daughter died and everything as well as my mind went,she died when her dad,little brother,and myself were on holl she took her life when we were flying home that night,i didnt see her for two weeks,i dont know;how im going to cope,thank you for your prayers and thoughs.
Avatar universal
hi florena,thank you for getting back to me,yes i go twice a week and she knows i have suicide on my mind at times.i am trying to be here for the rest of my family thats the only reason why i go .but to me its hell on earth.i hate my life now.i am just here for my two liveing children.not even my husband would keep me here on this earth.i can never stop misssing them, every day i think of been with them,my mind is done in.because i dont want to break any more hearths.my son died 3 and a half years before my daughter,i was still grieveing for him when my daughter took her life.im so mixed up in my head ,i know you said i am not wasting my therapist time,but im going to her since last year and i still feel suicidal, why.she knows i am saveing up lots of pills for when that day comes.
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